Afternoon Inquisition, 8.29

A very special Afternoon Inquisition today, specially dedicated to Dragon*Con, which kicks off today!

Who would win in a fight – Wolverine or Batman?

I have spent considerable time debating this and it provided us with hours of entertainment. Enjoy!


Maria D'Souza grew up in different countries around the world, including Hong Kong, Trinidad, and Kenya and it shows. She currently lives in the Bay Area and has an unhealthy affection for science fiction, Neil Gaiman and all things Muppet.

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  1. I’ve never run into this question before, but I have held long debates on Batman v. Spider man, and I think the same conclusion applies to this matchup.

    Wolverine would win if they randomly met in a back alley. Given time to prepare, however, Batman would win. He’d be able to think up a way to remove Wolverine’s intrinsic advantages.

    Batman’s biggest weapon is his intelligence, and he wouldn’t be able to use it to its fullest in an unplanned back alley brawl.

  2. @ Hanes
    Although I agree with your conclusions, I don’t think that Batman’s biggest weapon is his intelligence. It is his ambition. It is a method and not some innate ability. (like a scientist – any one could do it)

  3. It’s a common misconception that Batman has no superpowers. This is incorrect. Batman has precisely one superpower: he always wins. Always. No matter how badly the odds are stacked against him. His power is super-winning.

    Well, super-winning and being crazy prepared.

    So, yeah, I’m going with Batman, despite the fact that Wolverine is more or less completely invincible due to his healing factor. Batman will still win, somehow, because he always does.

  4. Perhaps Batman would pick on Wolverine’s heightened senses, reducing or eliminating Wolverine’s desire to participate in the fight.

  5. Batman has beaten superman.
    Batman and superman are friends now.
    Batman is ALWAYS prepared.
    Therefore when Wolverine tries to ambush Batman he will be swiftly picked up by Superman (Who batman can conveniently hide in his bat-belt) and thrown into the sun.
    End of fight.

  6. I’ve been dedicated to Batman ever since I was a wee comic book geek, so I’m going with loyalty first and I’ll let the others fight over logistics.

    Oh, and Christian Bale? Totally hotter than Hugh Jackman. So if it’s a fight over me, there’s your answer.

  7. Batman, for the reasons that Hanes and others touched on.

    That said, Jen, I totally disagree: Hugh Jackman is hotter than hott. But I like big, beefy men :D Christian Bale is far too pretty for my tastes.

  8. Masala – You’ve woken the sleeping demon that is comic book geekery and only have yourself to blame for what follows. 490+ posts on 9/11, JFK and other bullshit? Pah! You ain’t seen nothing yet.

    Ahem –
    This will inevitably degenerate into Marvel vs DC furore so I should nail my colours to the mast straight off – Marvel is Dashiell Hammet, DC is Raymond Chandler. Marvel is Wilkie Collins, DC is Charles Dickens. Marvel is Marlowe, DC is Shakespeare. You see where I’m going with this? Don’t get me wrong, I love Marvel – Daredevil, the Punisher and Moon Knight are up there in my endlessly revised top ten, and they gave the world the genius of Jack Kirby – but I was always more interested in the darkness and vitality of the DC universe, much of which it owes to Batman. You could argue it’s wrong to favour one publisher over another because of just one character and you’d be right but for one thing: Batman totally kicks ass. Strip away the billionaire secret identity, gadgets, batmobile and platonic and in no way suspicious or homoerotic relationship with his ward (Bats was never confused!) and he’s a borderline pyschopath who dresses as a bat and spend his evenings beating the shit out of criminals. That is just so utterly cool, on any level. Cooler even than Bond, but with less chicks, for some reason.

    So let us consider the Dark Knight’s worthy opponent. Mutant with retractable adamantine claws, instant healing ability and no memory of his origins. And he’s surly. Oh so surly. And he kills people, with no hesitation or remorse. Bats has offed a few villains over the years but only in an accidental, couldn’t get to him in time, no choice sort of way, and he always spends a decent amount of time agonising about it afterwards. Wolverine just couldn’t give a shit, the surly bastard. My real problem with Wolvey isn’t the surliness it’s the series: I just hate X-Men. It’s a soap opera for Christ’s sake. A never ending, more boring than the Colbys and that’s saying something, soap opera with pretensions of allegory.

    And so to the fight. Wolverine’s got those claws right? So he’s gonna pretty much rip Batman’s upper torso to shreds right?

    Sure, no argument here. Bats will be bloodied but good, plenty of dripping scars showing through that costume and no mistake.

    And Wolverine’s got the whole healing ability thing. So any damage Bats manages to do will just get shrugged off, right?

    Yep. Got me there.

    So how can you argue that Batman, who has no superpowers at all don’t forget, could possibly prevail against the Mighty Surliness?

    Simple. He’s Batman. He’ll take his licks. He’ll take the scars. He’ll look into the face of death… And then he’ll laugh. And he’ll kick Wolverine’s ass all the way back to Canada, and he won’t even kill him even though he could.

    Batman is Henry the Fifth. Wolverine is Mike Hammer. Nuff said.

    Batman vs Judge Dredd, though. Now that would be a fight.

  9. I agree that Batman would totally kick ass, but for different reasons. Batman would win by exploiting because of Wolverine’s weakness to magnetism.

  10. I could really see this happening…

    It would be back in the Weapon X days where the wily Canadian Government sends Wolverine to Gotham City telling him to eliminate an individual and hands him a torn piece of black fabric…Hmm, I have a screenplay to write.

  11. Appleman: “Batman is Henry the Fifth. Wolverine is Mike Hammer. Nuff said.”

    Sooo, it’ll need to have really good special effects.

  12. The hardest part about this question is not trying to figure out who will win, but how Batman ends up taking Wolverine out.

  13. Protesilaus: “The hardest part about this question is not trying to figure out who will win, but how Batman ends up taking Wolverine out.”

    Lure Wolverine to LHC?

  14. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again:

    No matter who is fighting whom. No matter where or when the fight occurs. Batman wins. No exception. Batman v. Wolverine? Batman wins. Batman v. Spawn? Batman wins. Batman v. Superman? Batman wins. Batman v. zombie Bruce Lee? Batman wins. Batman v. Cyborg Chuck Norris? Batman wins. Batman v. ninja/pirate/dinosaur Vin Diesel? Batman wins. Batman v. Clubber Lang? I pity the fool.

    Superman v. Spawn v. Gandalf the Grey v. Gandalf the White v. Optimus Prime v. Indiana Jones v. Zombie Bruce Lee v. cyborg Chuck Norris v. David Lo Pan v. Mr. Rogers in a no-holds-barred battle to death? Batman shows and wins, then kicks the crap out of Dr. Doom for arranging the whole thing, then pimp-slaps Darkseid with Doomsday’s dick, just to be sure he didn’t leave anyone out.

  15. They’re essentially the same character type, “Dark Knight”, particularly if you go with Claremont’s Wolverine.

    Batman has access to and extensive training in various sciences…if Wolverine didn’t win a decisive victory at their first meeting (and if Batman wasn’t in fact already crazy-prepared for that meeting), Batman would definitely win. This would occur in “Batman vs Wolverine, super-sized limited edition”.

    Afterwards, they would become friends and appear in each other’s books periodically, until the “Ultimate Crisis of Infinite Age War Apocolypse” cross-over series, at which point Wolverine would get a utility belt and Batman would become feral.

  16. then pimp-slaps Darkseid with Doomsday’s dick


    This would, technically, be a dick-slap.

  17. I can’t answer the question, but quickly checking google, I find you can’t buy wolverine pajamas. I think that’s relevant.

  18. This would, technically, be a dick-slap.

    Batman breaks the rules. He also shouts, “Where’s mah money, ho?” when he does it.

    Curse you Red Baron! *shakes fist*

    *goes down in flames*

    Josh, after the last few days of tag-teaming and that last post, I have to say I love you.

    And to you as well! It was/is a bonding experience, lol. :)

  19. I don’t consider batman a superhero, but I think he wins, no doubt in my mind. Batman can kick anyone’s butt. He has all the resources in the world, and I bet he would have his lab concoct something that reverses the mutation or something. :)

  20. at which point Wolverine would get a utility belt and Batman would become feral

    Ahem. Dark Claw. So yeah.

    This would, technically, be a dick-slap.

    I though we had more class than this around here. Seriously, dick-slap? What kind of uncouth ruffian uses such a coarse term?

    Clearly, it’s a wang-slap.

    Also, I’d be more willing to take the Marvel is Hammet, DC is Chandler comparison seriously if the past 10 years of DC comics hadn’t been composed entirely of unreadable crossover event dreck. So there. (Looking at the fullness of time, though, I’d probably have to agree more or less.) Alternately, one might say that while DC’s high notes tend to be higher than Marvels, Marvel is much more consistent in putting out solid material.

  21. A more fair contest between wolverine and batman would be who can speak by growling better, and sound as if they have got phlegm stuck in their throat.

  22. You know what, though, this is a fight – not a battle. A fight implies (to me) there are rules and a level of decorum. What if this was fisticuffs (no claws or gadgets) in an arena?

  23. Look, it comes down to this:

    Think about the Flash. Ok first off, he can travel at lightspeed. Mother fuck! Not only does he travel at lightspeed, but time slows down for him. So he feels like he’s having a casual jog or reading the paper, meanwhile, his feet are moving so fast you can hear him coming from Montana while he’s already gotten to Arizona. That’s fucking fast. But wait! The ability to move at lightspeed just isn’t fucking enough! Christ this guy can punch you so many times in a second you’ve been hit five times in the cock and two times everywhere else. You think you’re about to fight the Flash and then it hits you, for the last split second he’s beaned your beanbags with more blows than you had sperm. But no, there’s more!

    The Flash can also vibrate through walls. Now last I heard, you can not move so fast you can vibrate through walls, so what actually happens is the Flash is so fast he can pick and choose the movement of his individual molecules and move them through other solid objects, phasing through solid matter like it ain’t no thing. I mean you think a guy who runs at lightspeed would run into shit but no, the Flash just goes right through them. To top that with a cherry and some whipped cream (which the Flash made in like a millisecond, fucker) he can selectively choose to cause objects to be “okay” afterward or FUCKING EXPLODE! That’s right. He can run through you and make you blow up by transferring kinetic energy into you. Like Jeebus. It’s bad enough you can’t hit this guy, but he doesn’t even have to punch you. Now your testicles have exploded and you’re thinking you’re about to hit him. Just give it up. He’s the fucking Flash.

    Now imagine that somehow there’s someone who can get around the Flash blowing your balls up secret ninja technique. Ok. He can also control the flow of energy between objects. This power makes no sense but basically he can throw a rock at you, and you think it’s going slow and then he’s like WHOOHOOO WIZARDLY FLASH POWERS!! and bam! it’s going at lightspeed. So he can throw seven million rocks at you in a second then make them all goes different speeds thus striking your nads with seven million rocks one after the other.

    But wait! There’s more! He can also take energy from the very power of speed and make clothes out of it. Yes. Flash makes his pants out of GOES FAST. The man is so fast he can make Flash pants that GOES FAST go right into. I don’t even start to understand the physics of that but basically SPEED = REALLY TIGHT UNDERWEAR AND COOL LIGHTNING THINGIES OVER THE EAR(tm). You would think this is the end of it, but it’s not. Let’s say Flash is fighting Superman and shit he’s going to lose and FUCK how is Superman THIS fucking strong? I don’t know he must be Superman fused with Batman into some sort of guy with tons of plans on how to punch you far harder than anyone else… to end it off the Flash can go backwards and forwards through time!. How do you beat this dude? You’re thinking you’re hashing him good, laying down the beatdown, missing your balls and suddenly BAM! YOUR MOM FELL DOWN THE STAIRS TWENTY YEARS AGO and there’s a dent in your forehead and Superman not thunk so gud no more. Actually she didn’t fall down the stairs the Flash put speed into them so they fell up her! Fuck you Flash! You moved the stairs to Soviet fucking Russia! RUSH-A! Bitch.

    Oh, and lastly his greatest power is he isn’t fast in bed. He takes it slow and gets all the ladies with his superpowers then actually satisfies them in the sack. Who the Hell is this guy? You’d think he could AT LEAST be a premature ejaculator since his penis is moving at lightspeed but NOOOO he’s even good in bed.

    And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Wolverine sucks cock and should go die in a freak greasefire.

  24. Skeptical answer: it’s a tie.

    Neither Marvel not DC would agree to such a fight ever happen if their guy were to lose, would they?

    So they’ll beat the snot out of each other for a good while, finally coming to realize that they’d rather join forces to beat the snot out of criminals.

  25. James Fox – I reckon Weta could probably manage the SFX. If you can film Lord of the Rings you can film anything.

  26. Totally Batman. Wolverine is awesome, but, c’mon. Bats can (and has proven so, every time they’ve met) take down Superman. Of course, Wolverine does have the uncanny ability to be in multiple places at once (How else could he be on EVERY team?). It would be closer if it came down to a fight without claws or gadgets, but my money’s still on Batman.

  27. It would be closer if it came down to a fight without claws or gadgets

    …except Batman breaks the rules. He’d even break the Spider-Man Always Wins rule. He’s a rebel that way.

  28. It all depends on who was writting the story, If Kevin Smith wrote it I would put my money on Batman, if Frank Miller wrote it I would put my money on Wolverine. If Stan, I stole most of my ideas from other people, Lee wrote it I would have to go with wolverine again. Neal Adams would have Batman win and in doing so humilate Wolverine.

  29. @Gabrielbrawley
    Yeah, but with Neal Adams you have a universe where the physical laws are all different, so you can’t expect it to be accurate.

  30. As opposed to all those really accurate universes where people have claws pop out of their hands or billionares dedicate themselves to wearing tights.

  31. Gabriel – Or if Neil Gaimen wrote it they’d open a portal into a magical realm where things are kinda like here but not. Batman would discover he’s a transvestite at heart and Wolverine would disappear up his own arse in a welter of existential angst.

    If Garth Ennis wrote it everyone would say “FUCK YOU!” in unison and blow each others brains in out with a variety of assault weapons.

  32. Rystefn,
    If ever we meet I’m buying ya a beer for the Flash post. Really, I had a response half written in my head about the risks of being Flash’s sex partner. But NO, you get there eventually, tying up the loose ends with nothing left dangling.

  33. Batman would kick ass and look good doing it.

    But then I always thought Wolverine was lame.

    I think my mind is still reeling from the Flash Love via Rystefn.

  34. Batman’s superpower is his vast fortune. There are lots of really brainy, ambitious people out there, who could train in martial arts until their joints turned to powder, and they’d never be able to afford a Batmobile.

  35. Protesilaus – Read it. Have to say, great Simon Bisley art aside, really wasn’t that impressed. Dredd is the ultimate fascist policeman. Batman is a basically a criminal vigilante. Neither has superpowers, both are badass. Should’ve been a recipe for a titanic punch up and really wasnt.

    Although, in ‘real life’ (whatever that is) I suspect Dredd’s tendency to blow people away with high-exes when they get too troublesome might win the day.

  36. Uhhhh…why would they fight to begin with? What better way to handle the situation but to become allies?

  37. Joshua: “No, you’re confusing The Flash’s sex life with Wonder Woman’s…”

    Always wondered if that rope had s&me other uses.

  38. why would they fight to begin with? What better way to handle the situation but to become allies?

    see @ #16:

    Superman v. Spawn v. Gandalf the Grey v. Gandalf the White v. Optimus Prime v. Indiana Jones v. Zombie Bruce Lee v. cyborg Chuck Norris v. David Lo Pan v. Mr. Rogers in a no-holds-barred battle to death? Batman shows and wins, then kicks the crap out of Dr. Doom for arranging the whole thing, then pimp-slaps Darkseid with Doomsday’s dick, just to be sure he didn’t leave anyone out.

    and @ #4:

    Batman has precisely one superpower: he always wins

    and @ #29:

    You would think this is the end of it, but it’s not.

  39. Batman-who would probably be waiting in Wolverine’s closet, who, returning after a night of drinking after he went out to fight Batman, couldn’t find him and talked smack, would be taken by surprise (what, is he going to smell him? That suit has odor eaters for sure.,) flung into the air, get pumped full of anticoagulant or somesuch (conveniently located in his utility belt) to counteract his healing factor, and leave him attached to a crane magnet for a few days.

    I mean, really. Batman is a billionaire genius technocrat ninja driven by the memory of his parent’s violent death to care for an entire city. Wolverine is an angry amnesiac who has six knives that are hard for him to lose, and he stops bleeding quickly. Now, don’t get me wrong, Wolverine is my favorite of the Marvel heroes for many of the same reasons as Batman-powers within range of plausibility (no flying, energy blasts, shapeshifting, teleportation…,) acknowledges the moral knife edge he lives on, actually has to plan, strategize, and train from time to time, etc. But he just ain’t the same.

  40. I’m swimming against the tide on this one: wolverine.

    The thing about Wolverine is that he doesn’t quit. Rip his throat out? Doesn’t quit. Throw him through a wall? Doesn’t quit. Turn him down for a date for the 10^7th time, doesn’t quit.

    And the Bat? The Bat doesn’t exactly give up and go home easily. But he doesn’t always win. And he doesn’t always win right away.

    And so it really comes down to this: who’s going to die first. Since Wolverine doesn’t age, eventually its spry, youthful, savage Wolverine versus the Bat-dialysis machine.

    Wait… unless he has to fight the replacement Batman. But there, if its no longer Logan vs. Bruce Wayne, Logan wins without breaking a claw.

  41. Wolverine is your favourite Marvel character? What about Molly from Runaways? =D

    Among other things, she totally knocked Logan out like a chump. And also she unironically named herself “Princess Powerful”, which is awesome.

    (It’s kind of a tie between her and Wu Ao-shi, Pirate Queen of Pinghai Bay and former Iron Fist…)

  42. I think Wolverine would win. But, in the interest of comic book integrity remaining intact, the fight would likely end up being like when Kato fought Robin in the old Green Hornet series – a really really gay draw.

    Then everyone would do the Batusi and call it a day.

  43. Seth- I kinda went with old-school/reboot Wolverine in my head. His healing factor seems to grow in proportion to the number of lazy writers who can’t come up with a way for him to make it out of situations other than to weather them. There have been times when he could actually be stopped by grievous bodily harm. I mean, what exactly do you regrow your entire body with when all that remains is your brain, after a nuclear blast? Even if we do go with invincible Logan, the question becomes, can Batman, with his stealth planes and tanklike cars and explosive batarangs and grappling hooks and really stupendous timing and preparation, stop Wolverine for long enough to put him in a box? I again say yes.

    Batman doesn’t kill anyway. The Wayne Foundation would donate some big ass geothermal powered superconducting magnet to Arkham, and he’d leave Wolvie stuck to it for perpetuity.

    And Joshua, I’m not really that into comic books. I mean, I have the notables, but the concept is so often better than the execution. I can’t really come up with a storytelling format more susceptible to abuse than the comic book. Well, maybe the teenage rom-com.

  44. Oh come on! As mega-cool as Batman is, it wouldn’t be long before his chisled-abs and uncomfortably grainy-voice sees the business end of claws that are, for all intents and purposes, magical.

  45. That does raise a good question. Which Batman? I was going with animated series and Begins/Dark Knight. If this is Clooney or West, I will personally assist in their demise.

  46. Aristothenes: If you’re not that into comics, then I you probably don’t know how awesome Matt Fraction’s run of Immortal Iron Fist was. (I don’t blame you. If not for Chris Sims, I probably would never have taken a first look, never mind a second.)

    Also, everyone reading this thread, whether or not they read many comics, needs to buy The Five Fists of Science. For serious. Here’s an Amazon link. In case my say-so isn’t enough, it’s a comic where Nikola Tesla teams up with Mark Twain to bring about world peace through the use of giant robots, only to run afoul of J.P. Morgan and Andrew Carnegie. Who are Lovecraftian cultists and black magicians.

  47. I forgot to mention that the reason I mentioned Immortal Iron Fist is that it kicks ridiculous amounts of ass and anybody who likes fun comics about billionaire kung fu superheroes should read it. (As opposed to Five Fists of Science, which, to reiterate, absolutely everyone on this site needs to read, whether or not they already like comics.)

  48. Batman doesn’t kill anyway

    Yes, he does. Just not very often anymore.

    Here’s how the fight goes:

    Wolverine comes into town, gunning for the Bat. He heard Batman trashed Jubilee’s car or something, doesn’t matter. He’s got enough pent-up rage and aggression, any hack writer can come up with a reason.

    Batman, being the world’s greatest detective, knows this crazy mutant is after him. He’s used to this kind of nonsense, it happens twice a week, so he just fires up the old Bat-computer and does a quick background check on old Logan.

    Of course, the first thing he does is call the Xavier School for Gifted Students, but for the fight to happen, this is one of those times when Wolvie just isn’t listening to the Professor.

    Now, Bats knows about the healing (whatever the current level of awesome he’s running), and the claws, senses, skeleton, strength, speed, and the rest. Batman is no slouch in a fight, but he knows when he needs to be a little extra prepared, so packs some fun toys for the encounter.

    Since Wolverine isn’t generally the type to go trashing the city to bait someone out, Batman just leaves a note on the motorcycle. “Meet me at the old warehouse by the docks.” There’s always one in Gotham, and everyone always know the one he means.

    Wolverine knows it’s a trap, but he’s pissed and has super senses, so he goes anyway, trusting that he can handle whatever gets thrown at him – experience backs him up on this, more or less, but overconfidence has always been a weakness of his. Batman, of course, knows this. Sadly, super senses fail, because Batman is also the world’s greatest ninja, and planned ahead anyway to have the fight in an abandoned ammonia plant. Covers up pretty much any smell, that.

    Batman tries to ask what it’s about, Wolverine just gets pissed and follows the voice, looking to rumble. Just a speaker. (Batman can get the good stuff; even Wolverine can’t tell the difference.)

    After running this just enough to get Logan all pissed, but not enough that he tears the whole place down, Batman jumps out of nowhere with a flying side kick. Now Wolverine has excellent reflexes, and he’s way too fast for that to work out. Too bad he dodges right into the field of a powerful electromagnet. Whang! Stuck fast. Batman lectures him about letting his anger take over, explains the situation, makes out with Rogue for a bit because he worked out a way to do it without getting killed, and sends Logan home to daddy.

    Alternate ending: After catching Wolverine in the magnet, old boy won’t calm down or listen to reason, so Batman tosses him into a volcano, pulls out the adamantium skeleton, puts it on a Bat-rocketship, and launches it into the sun. Then he bangs Rogue, Marvel Girl, and Catwoman at his resort in Monaco. After that, he takes a quick nap in Ra’s Al-Ghul’s Lazarus chamber and spends the rest of eternity kicking the fuck out of Wolverine every hundred years or so and tossing him back into the volcano.

  49. Wow, I’m late on this one but I do have one thing to add.

    Batman does not ‘Always win’… He couldn’t stop the Joker from killing either Robin or Bat-Girl. Sure, after the Joker won Bats eventually caught him, but that wasn’t anything close to ‘winning’.

    As for Logan, (Wolverine, for those of you who really just don’t read comics), he has a lot more going for him than just anger and angst. He’s no slouch either when it comes to ‘training’ and as his character has evolved, there are plenty of takes on him where he demonstrates all the tactical and strategic skills needed to give Batman a hard time, (not to mention the fact that Wolverine wold cut through Batman’s secrete identity the first time he ever set himself to tracking him).

    I think it could go either way and would really just depend on how it all started.

  50. rystefn: Superman v. Spawn v. Gandalf the Grey v. Gandalf the White v. Optimus Prime v. Indiana Jones v. Zombie Bruce Lee v. cyborg Chuck Norris v. David Lo Pan v. Mr. Rogers in a no-holds-barred battle to death? Batman shows and wins, then kicks the crap out of Dr. Doom for arranging the whole thing, then pimp-slaps Darkseid with Doomsday’s dick, just to be sure he didn’t leave anyone out.

    wasn’t that called ?

    and, imho, this theoretical battle could never happen, because, by principle, the dc and marvel universes do not cross. that would cause, like, all comic books to explode, or something.

    (fully prepares to be flamed for her lack of knowledge)

  51. ok…trying to code at whatever the fuck time a.m. after no sleep=bad idea.
    i meant: wasn’t that called the ultimate showdown?
    if you want to find it, i send you to google. my brain can’t do html in this state (and by state, i mean utter pulverization, not georgia).

  52. Okay, considering I had this conservation with both Masalaskeptic and carr2d2 in the car yesterday I will reiterate my stance on why Batman would make short work of the Wolverine in Sheep’s Clothing.
    Firstly, Batman is always prepared for a fight (he may not out-muscle Logan, but he always has the right gadget to get the job done). Therefore, Batman would have gone into the smackdown with the research (by watching the X-men movies, sorry actually just X-men one and two only count, and noticing that Magneto could use magnetism against him). So, once both fighters meet up in the woods Batman would send Robin to distract Wolverine while Batman sets up his high-powered magnet that will stop Wolverine in his tracks. Yes, I know you may be wondering why Batman would sacrifice the Boy Wonder, but one needs to realize that with Robin’s acrobatic skills combined with Batman already having different Robin’s in the past, Robin is easy replacable. So once the magnet fires up and Wolverine sticks to it, Batman could walk up to Wolverine at his leisure and take him out with an anti-adamantium syringe (he’s got to have one in any one of his tool-belt-pockets). Batman makes a wonderfully-bad pun while walking away as the poor Wolverine cries a little and then shuts his eyes, permanently unable to move in the secluded woods of Canada. The End.

  53. This conversation is made of awesome. I haven’t had a chance to read it all; Dragon*Con has sucked up my entire weekend. My theory in a quickie – Wolverine would shred him, particularly if this was a chance meeting. With planning, I’ll give you that Batman has a better shot but I’m not convinced. I suspect from skimming the comments that I am in the minority here but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong ;-)

  54. Finding out that the entire plot was engineered by Mojo to get the 2 great heros to take each other out. The Power Puff Girls arrive. Can’t describe action, still ROFL. Mojo does get caught though, sorry for the spoiler.

  55. I’ll give a bump to a forgotten mention. In a comic book worth reading, Batman took down Superman (Green Arrow helped.) Do any other questions of competence really need to be asked at that point?

  56. Rystefn,
    If ever we meet I’m buying ya a beer for the Flash post.

    And I’ll get the next round. That was AWESOME.

  57. Supressing fire of kryptonite arrows. After the writer’s had Green Arrow stop being a goof, he really just turned into a Batman-style hero- Jason Bourne crafty, rich, with an affectation for archery instead of winged mammals.

  58. s. After the writer’s had Green Arrow stop being a goof

    Oh… you mean Bizarro Green Arrow, then? Or are you from some alternate universe where DC made Green Arrow not suck? :P

    …sorry, I can’t resist making fun of the guy. Probably the goatee.

  59. Bane beat Batman

    No he didn’t. It was all an elaborate plan to get Bane off of Venom and from there, inspire him to start taking down drug-lords. At the end of Vengeance of Bane II, he begs Batman to leave him alone, and gets the Hell out of Gotham . Then, in the Tabula Rasa story arc, actually fights on Batman’s side to defeat criminals.

  60. Who were who has seen Batman do the Batusi still thinks Batman would defeat Wolverine???

    *sigh* Where’s TrueSkeptic when we need him…

    That guy has the ultimate superpower! “Batman “always wins superpower? Bah! TS superpower is greater! No matter how wrong he is, he’s still right! So if he lost a fight, with his “I am always right no matter what-superpower”, he really did win the fight!

  61. I love Wolverine’s furry, scary, angry, clawed ass. But I’ve got to go with Batman. And I kinda hate to do it. Because, I love Batman, too. But I’m pretty much a Marvel guy.

    Then again, Wolvie was taken down by the Punisher, who is Marvel’s equivalent to Batman in the following ways…

    The Punisher is all about vengeance (though it’s for his wife and kids, not just the ‘rents.)

    The Punisher also likes gadgets (Micro provides him with all manner of shit, until the Garth Ennis “Punisher Max” stories, which are almost as amazing as anything this side of “Preacher.”)

    The Punisher is also a tactical genius who always plans out his activities.

    Though, unlike Batman, the Punisher has Wolverine’s psychopathic, single-minded desire to kill whatever he perceives as a threat.

    So, the real question is, “Punisher Vs. Batman?”

    I would contend, however, that the Punisher wouldn’t fuck with Batman, not because he’s Batman, but because Batman is one of the “good guys.”

    Though the Punisher did snipe out Captain America at one point…

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