Random Asides

Important Note to Self

If your husband turns to you with love in his eyes, and asks “Do you believe we’re soul mates?”, the correct answer is NOT “Well, I don’t actually think we have souls, so, no, I guess we aren’t.”

That is all.


Bug_girl has a PhD in Entomology, and is a pointy-headed former academic living in Ohio. She is obsessed with insects, but otherwise perfectly normal. Really! If you want a daily stream of cool info about bugs, follow her Facebook page or find her on Twitter.

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  1. Ouch! :(

    And you just stopped there? No, “But I’ll love you forever and always…” or something along those lines?

    Double ouch!

    I think a little groveling might be in order here. I’ve been married for 17 years, and the willingness to grovel a little bit now and then has been very helpful!

  2. Next time you could try answering a question with a question:

    Do you rejoice at the part of my love that are evidence based or do you prefer generic reassurances? Because not only are we soul mates, but you will never forget our anniversary again.

  3. Just distract him with sex. Women have always been able to distract me with sex.

  4. How about, “Kiss me, you fool” instead? It incorporates Gabriel’s surefire solution, it’s kind of romantic, gets you out of an answer, AND lets you call him an idiot, all in four short words.

  5. The correct response is “Yes [internal]for my personal, non-spiritual definition of ‘soul’-mate[/internal], of course”.

    White lies are essential to the art of mutual and self deception that is love.

  6. I wasn’t really paying attention; I was reading. I just gave the answer without thinking.

    Then I spent several hours trying to fix it.

  7. Answering while reading the paper leads to slip ups almost as good as:

    “Well, I’d probably say you have let yourself go over the last couple of years, but lets face it, I’m not getting any younger either. But to be honest it doesn’t bother me, I don’t want other chaps chasing my mrs, so its probably better that you’re not that attractive any more”

    Slept on the couch

  8. You could always turn it around and get annoyed at him for not knowing you better than to ask that question in the first place. :) Muahaha.

    Boy I’m a manipulative one aren’t I?

  9. The nice thing about men is that they have a convenient off switch for their brain that can often be thrown in case of just such a potential rhetorical mishap.

  10. It sounds like a good answer to me. Unless he’s profoundly religious.
    I’ve learned not to ask my wife serious questions while she’s deep in a book. I never get a sugarcoated answer.

  11. Hee, I’ve already mandated that there will be no mention of “soul mates” in our wedding vows.

  12. I’ve said much the same thing to my wife.

    Got the sad face.

    She got the response ‘Hey, you knew the job was dangerous when you took it.’

    Been married 10 years.

  13. um, yeah… that wasn’t a good move. But… he shouldn’t have asked you while you were reading.

    Bad Husband! Your fault!

    End Transmission

  14. After 24 hours to think about it, I really think the soul-mate denying thing is skepticism run wild.

    I was raised a Jehovah’s Witness and we weren’t even allowed to say “Happy birthday” to someone due to our religious ‘convictions’. I’ve heard that Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings books and movies are off-limits to present-day JW children due to their spiritistic content.

    So, is it against a skeptic’s religion to even [i]use[/i] a term like ‘soul-mate’? Surely you know what the term means: two people who are very much in love, and seem almost ‘made for each other’? That’s what hubby meant. To spoil what was potentially a beautiful exchange between two lovers with this skepticism gone wild – all because there is no such thing as a soul – seems just as silly as many dogmatic, religious rites, rituals or abstinencia.

    So yeah, I’m with the husband on this one. Can’t give me a straight answer? Hiding behind your skepticism? What gives, honey..!

    Along the same lines, I still say “Oh my god!” every so often because it’s an expression that I’ve gotten used to using in particular situations. It’s a good phrase, and I don’t stop using it just because I personally believe there is no biblical “god”. Although I do like Bender’s version on Futurama: “Oh your God!!” Hehe…

  15. Actually, a LOT of people use “soul-mate” in a very literal sense, and we do still live in a world where the default assumption is that you do believe in a soul, so I can’t say I agree in the slightest that it’s “run wild” at all…

    Besides, it sets you up for the even more beautiful of exchange of interrupting any attempt at an indignant response by kissing him soundly and pulling him under the covers. Actions speak louder than words – at least, they’re louder if you’re doing it right… ;)

  16. If you try to talk to me while I’m reading, you may not get what you want at all.

    I did it again tonight, when he asked me a question, and I said “uh huh” without looking up from my book.

    It wasn’t until 3 minutes later I realized I had no idea what I had just agreed to. I think I may have to go to his high school reunion. :(

  17. Asking questions of people who are distracted is generally a recipe for social discomfort at the very least… That’s why I carefully trained myself to say “Hmmm-wha?” instead of “uh-huh.”

  18. Asking questions of people who are distracted is generally a recipe for getting precisely the answer you were going for, as long as you phrase it in a way that a vaguely positive “mm-hmmm” is the right answer.

    And I agree that a good kiss (assuming of course that you were reading in bed), done RIGHT, would be an excellent way to end the conversation. For an hour or two at least. If done right. ;)

  19. I get what you’re saying Rystefn, and bug_girl has already admitted that hers wasn’t exactly the best response to the question. Her husband was getting mushy but she was distracted and her skepchick auto-pilot kicked in! D’oh!

    It would suck, though, if you really were a person who went around all day analysing every sentence for woo-woo and then red-flagging it when it was found. There are those people whose hobby or belief (non-belief?) permeates every other sentence they utter, and it’s off-putting!

    Perhaps it would have gone a little better if the reply had been:

    Him: “Do you believe we are soul-mates?”
    Her: “Well, honey, I believe you’re the only man for me.” *kiss-hug-mush*

  20. Here’s how the whole marriage cycle goes:

    1. Spouse 1 doesn’t word something right.
    2. Spouse 2 takes it the wrong way and gets offended.
    3. A fight ensues.
    4. They don’t touch each other or even look at each other.
    5. They miss the contact with each other and realize how much they miss each other.
    6. They make up.
    7. They fuck like mad.

    The quicker you can go through steps 1-4, the better. Step 5 and 6 can be sped up, too.

  21. Yeah… I had this problem while watching Law & Order. Some chick was being questioned about her husband/boyfriend/whoever, and my then-boyfriend (now fiancé) said, “would you believe the cops if they arrested me and told you I did something?” My response should have been, “no, of course not! I’d never go against you!”

    Unfortunately, I didn’t realize that this was a Trust Thing, so I thought about it a minute and said, “well… it depends. I mean, if the evidence pointed to you being guilty, and I had suspicions… I mean, let’s face it – I could see you breaking the law if you thought it was the right thing to do…”

    He cried. CRIED. Because he thought I didn’t trust him.

    Despite me saying that even if I did think he was guilty, I sure as Hell wouldn’t say anything to the police as such, unless I’d witnessed the act and was against it.

    I found out why it bothered him so much about a week later when he proposed to me. Whoops!

  22. Poor guy… I can only imagine what that must have been like. But you were right to tell the truth anyway. Better that way in the end.

  23. I just got off the phone with my wife who is several states away:

    Wife: “I miss you.”

    Me: “I know, [this is where I was subsequently reminded should have been “I miss you too.”] but we’ll see each other tomorrow.”

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