Indians have a lot of gods, and India has a lot of monkeys. You non-Indians might think those are unrelated facts, but you would be mistaken. We’ve seen modern shipping advances get stopped because just one god led an army of monkey warriors across a bridge. They even have a whole monkey god. His name’s Hanuman and he doesn’t think it’s cute when you do the “Ooo! Ooo! Ooo!” sound at him.
But there’s a drawback to being part of a pantheon. Yahweh has a monopoly, but poor Hanuman has to share profits with the rest of the shareholders. Even with a billion worshippers, it’s tough these days to scrape enough scratch for all your banana-related needs. (Sorry, Hanuman! Don’t fling poo at me!)
All of Hindu Nation should be embarrassed today, because Hanuman has been forced to get a day job.Â Read more below the fold!
The Sardar Bhagat Singh College of Technology and Management recently opened and needed a chairman. All the other candidates were either already dead (Sinatra) or fictional (Apu, Kumar, Dinesh D’Souza). Hanuman’s cover letter highlighted his strength and valor. And he’s moved more mountains than Fareed Zakaria. Hanuman’s the ideal choice for the job.
And what a job! An incense-filled office, a desk and a laptop. Four chairs will be placed facing the empty seat chairman’s and all visitors must enter the office barefoot, according to vice chairman Vivek Kangdi.
VICE chairman! A lackey! I guess a god should be used to lackeys. I hope poor Vivek’s raises aren’t dependent on glowing performance reviews from his boss.
But seriously. I don’t know what a school chairman does, but how important can this job be if it can be filled by a myth? Here in the West, we see a lot of “God is my co-pilot” bumper stickers. In India, there will be a rash of “Hanuman is preparing my kid for medical school” signs. Does Hanuman prefer lectures or is he more into the Socratic method? The Vedas are vague on the subject.
You might think that I, being Indian, would be embarrassed for my home country. Nope. Not me. Why should I care that an institute of higher learning in India is sabotaging its duty and keeping flocks of young Indians mired in ignora–…. AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! YOU STUPID BASTARDS! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Lots of people in America are worried that the children here aren’t getting an education as good as the kids are getting in other countries. I see talking heads bicker about what to do about it all the time. The answer is obvious: be patient. At this rate, America will be number one again soon.Â Or should I say, top banana?Â No, that would be corny…
Cross-posted at Masala Skeptic.