As we learned on Day 1, homeopathic remedies are not tested on animals. They are only tested on healthy humans. It has been pointed out to me by a reader that this is, in fact, not the case and I was directed to this site discussing research done on tadpoles. There are plenty of other examples like this one. And this article from the Physicians’ Committee for Responsible Medicine* lists a bunch more homeopathy studies done on animals. I thought I’d clear that up since tonight I’m talking about animals.
At this point I would like to just give you a little warning: This post is not about that homeopathic vet your co-worker’s psychic poodle sees. There are parts of this post involving the use of animals and their parts that might make you a little queasy. If you’d prefer, just check this out and check back for a new article tomorrow night. Everyone else, read on!
It is claimed that homeopathic remedies are usually vegan and are at least vegetarian. But then I found an article about barnyard animals, specifically horse milk, being used in remedies. It starts with a recap of a previous article discussing the use of dog milk. I wanted to barf a little bit right then and there, but I swallowed and kept reading so I could report back to you (you’re welcome). Some other remedies include good old fashioned cow’s milk, egg membrane, duck and pig livers, ox gall bladder, horse hair, horse “thumb nails”, and colt meconium.
As if homeopathy weren’t disgusting enough in the philosophical sense, it turns out to be even more disgusting in the literal sense. Vegan or not, there is never a reason for any being to ingest the thumbnail of any other being… never ever ever.
Supposedly it cures sore nipples. The past couple of weeks I’ve been nursing a teething infant. It’s pretty painful. Sometimes it’s hard not to cry. But there is no way it’s bad enough to try horse thumbnails.
And colt meconium? For those of you who are unaware, meconium is the nasty, tar-like, horrible fecal matter that hangs out in the intestines of a fetus. It is the nearly impossible to clean first bowel movement of a newborn. Both literally and figuratively, it’s horse shit.
So what does magic meconium cure? Sprained wrists and decreased sexual desire in men. It works out well since if you’re horny and just ate dung, you’re going to need to have a healthy wrist.
And if you were wondering what the deal is with dog milk, it’s pretty amazing! You can cure most anything from dreams about snakes to whiskey cravings to bloody pus.
But even more amazing was the horse milk remedy that this article was written about. The author tells us the story of 10-year-old Ginny:
We began to treat Ginny, age ten, six months ago. Normally we do not present cases unless they have a minimum of one year’s treatment but we are making an exception here because the improvement has been clear and dramatic from the beginning. A robust infant, Ginny began to gag frequently beginning at nine months of age. She talked easily, seemed normal in every way, and showed signs of precocity, similar to her older brother who was in a gifted program. The first grade teacher alerted Ginny’s parents of her difficulty with handwriting. The disparity between her IQ (at the level of a 12th grader) and her hand motor coordination (that of a five year-old) was marked. By the time Ginny reached second grade, she remarked at times about being stupid due to her challenge with handwriting. Over time Ginny lost interest in academics entirely.
So we have a 10-year-old girl who gagged as a 9-month-old, which is clearly relevant to the fact that currently she doesn’t like school. And when she was 6, her teacher was quite concerned that Ginny had the handwriting of a 5-year-old even though she reads at a 12th grade level. Most 12th graders don’t read at a 12th grade level… but the teacher is worried about Ginny’s handwriting… at age 6. And this is all somehow related to Ginny’s need to see a homeopath.
At this point, I’m confused why Ginny needs a doctor at all, but apparently I’m just dumb. The homeopath decides that the perfect treatment for Ginny is horse’s milk. This was the obvious course of treatment once we find this out about her:
This child demonstrated an equestrian interest at two years of age. Begging to go on pony rides, at seven Ginny’s parents set her up with a riding instructor which made her “the happiest kid in the world.” An animal lover, riding was Ginny’s passion of passions. Extremely gentle with all animals, she dreamed of running an animal rescue center. Ginny loved nothing more than to show her horse.
Don’t read that again… your head will fucking explode. So I will just confirm your confusion. Yes, 10-year-old Ginny went to a “doctor” because she doesn’t like school, has bad penmanship and she gagged when she was a baby. Yes, she was treated with horse milk because she likes horses.
I’m not going to quote any more of this article because each time I re-read it, I get stupider.
(Right now all I hear in my head is Lewis Black saying, “If it weren’t for my horse I wouldn’t have spent that year at college.”)
Long story short, Ginny’s all better. Yay, Ginny. Too bad they didn’t find the cure for Ginny having bat-shit crazy parents. The end.
I can’t wait for this week to be over. See you tomorrow night.