I havenâ€™t been writing lately. Iâ€™ve been caught in a perfect storm of demands on my time â€“ end of month/quarter at work, the end of spring term at school, and a few short weeks from an overseas trip. But tonight I make time for a grumpy rant: strictly editorial, unscientific, and inspired by a conversation with Comcast cable.
For the last couple weeks, my Internet has been spotty to nonexistent. I tried to watch the awesome Skepchick videos made for the April contest and I only got a few frustrating seconds at a time. My computer took five minutes to load google, for godâ€™s sake. So, I called up Comcast, who kept me on hold for 40 minutes (no kidding!), in which I had to listen to advertising language about all the awesome things that Comcast has to offer. For real, on the tech support line, they should stick to elevator music.
So every few minutes, a recorded voice would come on the line, promising that a customer account executive would be with me soon. A customer account executive. I couldnâ€™t help but be skeptical.
I donâ€™t know about you, but when I picture an â€œaccount executiveâ€, I think of someone in a suit, working late to meet deadlines on accounts for which they are fully responsible. And Iâ€™m 99.9% sure that is not what answered the phone after 40 minutes of waiting.
What happened to clerks? Theyâ€™ve been re-named. Theyâ€™re â€œcustomer care associatesâ€ or â€œcustomer service professionalsâ€ or â€œcustomer account executivesâ€. Does that mean that clerks no longer exist? Or is â€œexecutiveâ€ just the new â€œclerkâ€?
Is there any shame in being a clerk? No. Does everyone want to be an executive? Hell, no! But good god, letâ€™s call a spade a spade.
Iâ€™m a middle manager. Calling me an executive or a clerk would just be inaccurate. The meaning, or at least the connotation, of words changes over time, based on their use. And applying a word to something it truly isn’t doesnâ€™t change the thing, it changes the word.
At any rate, a week and a half later, I am back online. And one of the first things I did upon getting my delicious Internet access back was to check out Skepchick on MySpace and Facebook. Just FYI. And for a shameless plug.
So thatâ€™s the whole point of my spontaneous, tired & grumpy, Lewis Black style rant. Or maybe Iâ€™m more Andy Rooney than Lewis Black. I donâ€™t know, but Iâ€™m tempted to photoshop one or both of their heads on my body just to capture my mood. I wonder what Comcast would call me thenâ€¦