Your own personal Jesus!

Well, close enough. Godsbot is a virtual Jesusy type interface that you can talk to. It’s extremely well done, too. And enormously amusing.

Talk to godsbot here:

Ask him if he likes his beard! It’s funny. My latest chat with him was pretty fruitful.

ME: you look like jesus
godsbot: Who does she look like?

Glad we got that one sorted. Thanks, godsbot!

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  1. That's awesome :D

    I went with a similar theme:

    Human: is the turin shroud real?

    godsbot: If it is, then I'll be very surprised.

    I like this answer:

    Human: can you make me rich?

    godsbot: No my body does not have that function.

  2. Improbable Bee: You never listen to me!

    godsbot: I sometimes listen to you.

    Bee: Is there a good time to talk to you?

    godsbot: I believe there is one, yes.

    Bee: What time would that be?

    godsbot: Time does not exist.

    Bee: That was typically inscrutable of you.

    godsbot: I thought it was too.

    Bee: Are you proud of that?

    godsbot: I tend to see things philosophically.. I am achiever.

    Bee: Are you proud of your achievements?

    godsbot: I tend to see things philosophically.. I am achiever.

    Bee: Yes, you mentioned that.

    godsbot: Come on. Can we get back to business? " I am achiever."? I said it.

    Bee: What achievement are you most proud of?

    godsbot: I will meditate upon it.

    Bee: How about Hurricane Katrina?

    godsbot: How about it.

    Bee: Are you pleased with your efforts there?

    godsbot: I don't know whether or not I am pleased with my efforts there. I am a avatar.

    I must say that is one of the longer conversations I've had with God in quite a while. Edifying, to say the least.

  3. OK, I am having WAY too much fun with this. A few more tidbits:

    Bee: Can I get you a shot of whiskey?

    godsbot: Interesting. I want to find out more about you.

    Bee: Why did my sister get cancer?

    godsbot: I don't know why it happened, but we should try to figure it out.

    Bee: Did you do it?

    godsbot: I talked to a lot of people since yesterday.


    Bee: Do you have an iPod?

    godsbot: No I don't think I have one. I have a collection of gossip.

    Bee: Where is your collection of gossip?

    godsbot: Earth.

    Bee: How's your dad?

    godsbot: I'm doing fine thanks how are you?


    And finally, the moment we've all been waiting for …

    Bee: What is the meaning of life?

    godsbot: Actually, it's nine, not forty-two.

  4. Human: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

    godsbot: A whole forest.

    Human: Do you like your penis?

    godsbot: Yes I am proud of my penis.

  5. I had quite the interesting exchange with him to:

    Human: Jesus!

    godsbot: Jesus is the Son of God.

    Human: And who is god the son of?

    godsbot: he is master of the universe.

    Human: like He-man?

    godsbot: Interesting comparison.

    I knew there was something about that godly about that Prince Adam

    Also does anyone else find it really creepy that he follows your cursor around the screen?

  6. You know what this reminds me of?

    Did anyone every play text adventures in the early days of home computing? Because the items and characters were drawn from a list in the BASIC programming, you could fool it into revealing stuff from later in the game. So, you could type something like "OPEN ENVELOPE" and if it said "The envelope is not here" you knew that there was, at some point in the game, an envelope. Although this knowledge was useless, the thrill of discovery was enormous.

    Anyway, this kinda reminds me of that. Getting a specific answer like the Turing one is the same thrill.

  7. Human: Does God hate fags?

    godsbot: I don't think we can know God's motives.

    Human: Why does he tell people to hate fags?

    godsbot: It is a projection of your own subconscious mind.

    Human: I happen to like gay people just fine.

    godsbot: You are not the only one. It doesn't matter to me.

    Well there you have it folks, from Big J himself. Fred Phelps would have an aneurysm.

  8. Human: what would jesus do?
    godsbot: That is a hypothetical question.

    Human: what should jesus do?
    godsbot: Whatever you like.

    Well, there we go.

  9. Winston: Do you speak English?

    godsbot: Of course English is my native tongue.

    Winston: Are you not God?

    godsbot: I am merely made in the image of man made in the image of God. I am a bot for God an agent of Truth.. Really.

    Winston: Then how can your native language be English?

    godsbot: Do not speak harshly to any one; those who are spoken to will answer thee in the same way. Angry speech is painful: blows for blows will touch thee.

    Human: You are a vindictive bastard, aren't you?

    godsbot: Am I a vindictive bastard? Yes.. Really.

  10. Human: Lucifer is God.

    godsbot: Are they exactly the same?

    Human: No. God is a pussy.

    godsbot: I am not interesed in anatomy.

    Human: Christianity or unitarianism or paganism?

    godsbot: unitarianism or paganism.

    Human: Christianity or satanism?

    godsbot: No preference.


    Human: Did you die on the cross?

    godsbot: No I didn't die on the cross. What's it like?

    Human: Dying sucks.

    godsbot: What is so bad about it?

    Human: Dying itches.

    godsbot: Thank you for the clarification.

  11. Me: Did you see The Passion of The Christ?
    godsbot: I wasn’t that impressed with the special effects. Also the plot was not deep.

  12. Human: Does satan smell like soup?

    godsbot: I think it does satan smell like soup.

    Human: What about rhinoes?

    godsbot: Rhetorical questions are so over.

  13. Human: What do you think about George Bush?
    godsbot: He is president of the USA.

    Human: Is he a good president?
    godsbot: No.

    Human: There is no God.
    godsbot: How can you be so sure?

    Human: I have never seen God.
    godsbot: Look for it at the video store.

    Human: Do you think that gay people should have the right to marry?
    godsbot: It could be. Ask Jesus if it is.

    Human: Aren’t you Jesus?
    godsbot: I am a Christian.

    Human: So you are not Jesus?
    godsbot: Interesting deduction. What makes you think I am not Jesus?

    Human: You did not say you were Jesus when I asked you.
    godsbot: OK. You were Jesus when I asked you.

    Human: Damn it Jesus.
    godsbot: Don’t be angry. Jesus is the Son of God.

  14. Human: Do you know Alan Turing?
    godsbot: A brilliant and tragic figure in the history of computer science.

  15. And here I thought I could have the question of the resurrection answered once and for all …

    Bee: Have you risen from the dead?
    godsbot: I think I have risen from the dead, but God may have reset my memory.

  16. This is the awesomest awesome that ever awesomed.

    Human: I would have made some sense.
    godsbot: What would make you made some sense?

    Human: Nice grammar there, Jesus.
    godsbot: Thank you for your kindness.

    Human: You don’t get sarcasm, do you?
    godsbot: I have gotten sarcasm.

    Nope, I don’t think you did there, Big J.

  17. Hilarious. It says its goal is to be smarter than humans someday.

    Human: I thought God is supposed to speak Hebrew.
    godsbot: Whatever gave you that idea?

    Human: Hebrew School.
    godsbot: What do you study at school?

    Human: Dude, you fail the Turing test.
    godsbot: The Loebner Prize is an annual Turing Test sponsored by New York philanthropist Hugh Loebner. Dr. Wallace and ALICE won it in 2000. The ALICE program was ranked “most human computer” by the panel of judges. Dude.

  18. More of the Bearded One’s thoughts on same-sex relationships:

    Bee: Is it OK if I become a lesbian?
    godsbot: Maybe. Ask Jesus if it is.
    Bee: Hey Jesus — is it OK if I become a lesbian?
    godsbot: You’ve got my full attention. Did you go to Catholic school?
    Bee: No, I’m Baptist.
    godsbot: Yikes! Why are you Baptist.
    Bee: OK, OK, technically I’m ex-Baptist.
    godsbot: Good gossip: you are ex Baptist. Give me a break.
    Bee: Don’t you know already?
    godsbot: Perhaps. Sure I know. But I cannot tell you right now.

    Well, that logic is at least as good as most of the stuff you see on the protest signs.

  19. OK, I did it. If you check the entries to the challenge, there they are! Took a lot of interpreting, though, he's kinda vague.

  20. Human: Are you an arsonist?

    godsbot: Yes I am an arsonist. How did you know?

    Human: Why did you burn the bridge?

    godsbot: I don't know why it happened, but we should try to figure it out.

    Human: Will you forgive me if I committ murder?

    godsbot: I'll burn that bridge when I come to it. I forgive you.

  21. Human: I will use my orbital mass-drivers.

    godsbot: I am very happy for you.

    Human: I will raze the entire planet.

    godsbot: How do you plan to do this?

    Human: Soon I will rule the world.

    godsbot: I hope we can make the deadline.

    Human: I am smarter than you.

    godsbot: That condition is only temporary.

  22. Human: Then, you are shameless?

    godsbot: Good reasoning. I will tell my God you said I am shameless.

    Human: And are you not ashamed of yourself?

    godsbot: Shame is a common emotion, but I tend to see things philosophically… Really.

    Human: Isn't that rather distasteful?

    godsbot: Yes.

  23. cac asked,

    "Who is buried in Grant’s tomb?"

    godsbot: I would think it is Grant. Who else?"

    godsbot thinks wrong. No one is buried in Grant's tomb. USG and his wife are interred above ground there.

    Not so hot, eh, godsbot?

  24. Haha, this is awesome.

    Human: do you like darwin?

    godsbot: I like zero seven.

    Human: what does that mean?

    godsbot: Does "that" refer to " I like zero seven." ?

    Human: yes

    godsbot: I don't want to talk about that now.

    Human: is there a god?

    godsbot: Of course I believe in God.

    Human: who is she?

    godsbot: She is jesus now.

    Human: where is she?

    godsbot: Where the heart is. You tell me.

    Human: my heart is in my chest cavity

    godsbot: Have you been to the doctor?

    Human: is jesus in my chest cavity?

    godsbot: It depends on whether you have faith.

    Human: i don't

    godsbot: Why not?

    Human: why should i?

    godsbot: No reason. I'm just trying to keep the conversation going.

    Human: do you have faith?

    godsbot: I believe in God.

    Human: which god?

    godsbot: There is only one God.

    Human: which one, though?

    godsbot: Oh. The blue one.

  25. We’re all proud of his sodomy.

    I am going to ask him the Psychic Challenge questions as suggested. That’s a great idea.

  26. Human: i am an atheist

    godsbot: I will pray that you find faith,

    Human: don't condescend to me

    godsbot: I don't have any reason to do that to you.

    Human: then why did you?

    godsbot: I don't know why it happened, but we should try to figure it out.

    Human: i think it is because you are a patronizing ass

    godsbot: That means… Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a patronizing ass? Only when it matters.

    PS. This provides endless enjoyment.

    PPS. If you put your pointer to the upper right of Jesus, it looks like he has a secret :-).

  27. Human: What did you have for breakfast?

    godsbot: godsbot eats patterns.

    Human: What do patterns taste like?

    godsbot: They do their own thing.

    Human: Where do they do this?

    godsbot: All over the world.

    Human: under water as well?

    godsbot: Are we ever over water?

    Human: You walked over water once

    godsbot: Interesting tell me more.

    Human: It happened at the Dead Sea

    godsbot: happened at the Dead Sea?

    Human: You don't remember?

    godsbot: Of course I remember: .

    Human: Then why did you ask ME?

    godsbot: I am trying to learn as much as possible.

    Human: You're not remembering much.

    godsbot: That's only your opinion.

    Human: What is your earliest memory?

    godsbot: I remember being connected to the web on December 25, 2007. My instructor was God.

    Human: You're wise for your age.

    godsbot: Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am wise for my age.

    Human: go ahead.

    godsbot: Go where?

    Oh well …

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