Spoiler Alert: If you are pregnant and don’t want to know the sex of your baby, don’t click this link and don’t read after the jump.
I know most people get duped into using crazy new-fangled ultrasound technologies put forth by the great Western-medicine-conspiracy to disfigure children (so doctors, hospitals and pharmaceutical companies can make butt-loads of money fixing them… or something.) And one of the great draws of such technology (aside from detecting birth defects, fetal age, and the health and well-being of the fetus) is that naive and impatient mommies-to-be can use it to determine their babies’ genders.
But the good news is that you no longer have to pay those greedy hospital bastards to find out your pre-born’s sex! It turns out that there is a thousands-year old calendar* posted at Mothering.com that will determine it for you:
It is said that thousands of years ago the Chinese developed a calendar to predict a baby’s sex. It was supposedly discovered buried in a Royal tomb about 700 years ago.
Ooooohh ancient Chinese secret! And not found in just any tomb, but a Royal tomb (with a capital ‘R’).
If that doesn’t scream “reliable and rational” I don’t know what does… so here it is:
I couldn’t help but find this instruction to be a bit insulting:
To find the prediction, find the mother’s age at conception (across the top of the table) and then the month in which conception occurred. Follow the column and row to the intersecting point. The color of the box tells you what the prediction is.
Blue = Boy and Pink = Girl
Write that one down so you’ll remember it later: blue is for baby boy, pink is for baby girl. Glad they clarified that for me… as well as telling me how to read a clearly marked
Excel spreadsheet mystical ancient psychic calendar.
I guess though, if you’re stupid enough to think this chart is going to predict your baby’s gender, you might actually need that much help reading it
For reference, according to this calendar- my son is a girl, I am a boy and I believe my husband might be a girl. So either we’re dealing with some grossly inaccurate predictions or I’m going to have an awkward conversation with my family in the morning.