Scientists discover extraterrestrial life!
That’s right, we can all breathe a sigh of relief — the search for extraterrestrial life in the universe is over. According to the unimpeachable India Daily, “signs of type IV extraterrestrial influence” were detected “in Abell 1835 IR1916, a galaxy 13,230 million light-years away.”
I’m sure you’re all excited to see the evidence. Well. See, 13.7 billion years after the Big Bang, something “went wrong” in the universe and all the lights went out because stars hadn’t been formed yet. (Please ignore for a moment that stars and galaxies formed about 300 million years after the Big Bang. Your “facts” and “science” are not welcome here.) So, the “Type IV” civilization that created the Big Bang (using their “massive inter-universe particle colliders”) had to intervene. What was the problem, exactly? Well:
The big bang created a black hole in the hyperspace â€“ our universe with three spatial dimensions and a forward moving single time dimension.
You see, you can tell it’s true because there’s a real fact right there at the end. Our universe does, in fact, currently have three spatial dimensions and one forward-moving time dimension. QED.
The galaxy Abell 1835 IR1916 is part of the “Cosmic Renaissance” that was artificially engineered by the Type IV civilization.
So, there you have it — that’s science at work! Scientists (somewhere, unnamed) observed something in nature (um, a galaxy), adopted a hypothesis (galaxy was created by aliens), tested the hypothesis (um . . .), and published the results (in the India Daily).
This science has been brought to you by India Daily, Sony, Citibank, 99acres.com, Invest in India, and Google Ads.
Cross-posted at SGU Blog!
Wait, no I'm not… Wankers!
Funny thing you should bring this up.
The story of the discovery of the galaxy broke on my birthday four years ago and I remembered reading an article in the BBC about it. I still had a bookmark for the article and, lo and behold, it looks like the India Daily Technology Team lifted a few passages right out of the BBC article and inserted gibberish about Type IV civilizations in places where real astronomers had made scientifically sensible statements about the distant galaxy.
More on that on Hyphoid Logic.
This is all kinds of crazy, like scientology meets schizophrenia crazy.
Scientists Discover Extraterrestrial Life!!!
Abell 1835 IR1916-ian: "You call this living?"
But wait! There's more!
from the article –
Micro level advanced extraterrestrial UFOs and USOs
I don't know the proper way to link to the other two paragraphs of pure crazy at India Daily, but you get the idea.
Wow! Gotta love the "India Daily Technology Team". A stroll through the *technology* section reveals even more gems:
The gravity waves that steers the advanced extraterrestrial UFOs and integrated consciousness
If you can trace tachyons, you can trace the advanced extraterrestrial civilizations, UFOs and paranormal phenomena
Is Deepak Chopra writing for India Daily?
I'm gonna go ahead and throw some down-home skepticism on this story… it's preposterous that a "type IV extraterrestrial society" could do something like that. It's a riot!
Clearly, it's the type I-III civilizations we need to be worried about, as any one with a brain could tell you.
But in a positive sign from India, at least there they prefer to wed monkeys together than to high-hat them like some folks HERE do.
Well. As bad as scientific reporting seems to be in the US, at least it seems better than India. Some what!
Fortunately, I actually know what these guys are referring to with the "Types", although I was off on my guess about the scale.
The <a>civilisation types are actually standardised, if not widely used. Frankly, they're kind of ridiculous. But! Bottom line is that the India Daily folks didn't make up the categories. Somebody else did, and they stole it.
Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.
Minor nitpicking here, but the article says
"Some 13.7 billion years ago, after the big bang, the Universe plunged into darkness."
"Some 13.7 billion years after the big bang, the Universe plunged into darkness."
Why does the crackpottery coming out of India have to be so much more ENTERTAINING than good ol' Yankee crackpottery?
Because, Rav, they have much more free time to be entertaining and we busy Western folk end up stuck with boring stuff like ID. It's a shame, really.
Actually, I'd say this is only about half a notch below Time Cube crazy.
zomg wtf its the fucking reapers !!!!!!11oneoneone
Dang. To think of all the time I've wasted reading junk science publications such as Sky & Telescope, Astrophysical Journal and Nature, when the Truth beckoned in India Daily.
Its the underpants gnomes' super science system.
Type IV Civilization Aliens touched me inapproprately ( I remember this because of past life therapy-in which I regressed to my incarnation as Buddhist Space Goddess), any way the result of this interstellar groping …..was Abell 1835 IR1916. So now you know the truth.
The imporant question, of course, is who can you sue for this?
Wait a minute…. If the lights went out because stars haven't been formed yet, where was the light coming from before it went out?
Holy crap, do you know what this means?
1) Aliens had a light source before stars
2) Genesis says light was created before stars
3) Ergo aliens wrote the Bible!!!!!!!!
You heard it here first folks. Aliens wrote the Bible. And that's a True Science Fact (TM).
I… wow. That's just awesome. And I should seriously contact them about redoing their website. It's so … weird and small. Maybe they just have small computers. ;-)
I don't know what you guys are talking about.
This seems completely reasonable.
Good old Abell 1835 IR1916, I miss the place but really dislike the people if you can even call them that– they’re all pervs and they only make galaxies to spy on any sentience life forms that may pop-up especially while they’re showering, but the worst part is they like to punk these life forms by telling them silly stories about how they came to be usually involving the one about a talking snake that tricks some chick into eating some sort of tree snack– this of coarse leads them to come to the conclusion that they should be ashamed to go around naked– hence the need to spy on them while they are showering. For Earthling this was mostly done from the landing base known as Mars http://www.indiadaily.com/editorial/3890.asp
Well, that would explain a fair amount of the Book of Revelation.
I had no idea what the article was about, but after the original, linked from Mike's blog, it all made a lot more sense.
Someone clearly needs to take an astronomy class before talking about the universe.
Actually, I think the use of the sort of substances the authors of that article in the India Daily used might be responsible for large parts of the bible.
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