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The Dogs Must Be Crazy

I am beset with crazy people, as usual. Either here in Georgia with their gods or over in India with their dogs. To crib from one of the corniest jokes around, this is a dyslexic’s nightmare.

I bet she looked fetching…

A dude in India married a dog. MY India.

He did it to try to make up for the fact that 15 years ago, he attacked two dogs and stoned them to death. Ever since, he’s suffered from paralysis and loss of hearing and he decided (as one does) that the only way to make up for his crimes and lift the Stoned Puppy Curse is to marry a dog.

Now, it’s been nearly 10 years since my wedding day and maybe times have changed. But surely publicly announcing that you’re marrying a bitch isn’t going to make for a happy and stable marriage. If my husband had done that, he would have been “fixed” right there in front of the cake, completely ruining his chances of getting the deposit back on his tux.

And have these two really thought this through? What about the kids? Are they going to raise them Hindu or choose a religion that’s a little less (yes, I’m saying it) dogmatic? I hope they talked it out beforehand, because every dog I’ve personally known has had no ethical problems with eating beef. In fact, every one of them would knock you on your ass if you stood between them and just a SLIVER of hamburger.

Stupid as all this is, don’t you wish you could have been at the wedding? (As long as you didn’t eat the Milk-Bone cake with chicken gizzard icing.)

Usher: Are you here for the bride are the groom?
Guest: ROWF!
Usher: Left side, please.

I think I speak for all dogs when I say, I hope he gets his naughty bits chomped on his wedding night. I got yer karma right here… and I’m taking it under the kitchen table where you can’t get me.

Dear Lord, Please Stop Inflicting Your Mercy On Us

In other crazy people news, as most of you know, Georgia is currently suffering from a major drought. The situation is dire but lucky for us, our governor is Taking Action.

Gov. Sonny Perdue…has asked Georgians to pray for rain today, and at lunchtime will convene with various religious and political leaders on the steps of the state Capitol to seek divine intervention in the state’s months-long drought.

Well that should take care of the problem. I’m sure those bright blue, cloudless skies out there are only temporary.

By the way, kudos to Ed Buckner and the Atlanta Freethought Society who organized a counter protest to the prayer service yesterday. He raised an excellent point:

“Does the God that Sonny Perdue believes in have to be informed about the drought?” Buckner asked. “Doesn’t he know? Or have the important people not appealed to him yet?”

As of the following morning, it hadn’t rained in the area. Maybe some scattered sprinkles, but not enough to refill Lake Lanier. Isn’t this the guy that covered the entire Earth with water up to the highest mountain peak? Gov. Sonny should have given God a deadline. In fact, if God is the master of time, space, and dimension, couldn’t Gov. Sonny have asked him to not just end the drought, but make it not have happened in the first place? (Sonny is also a politician – he could have included a rider to undo global warming).


Maria D'Souza grew up in different countries around the world, including Hong Kong, Trinidad, and Kenya and it shows. She currently lives in the Bay Area and has an unhealthy affection for science fiction, Neil Gaiman and all things Muppet.

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  1. Frell me! Some things are just beyond satire these days…. And anyway, you already took most of the good jokes.

  2. Just an update — at 11:30pm, exactly 36 hours after Sonny's rain dance began, it started raining in Atlanta. As was predicted for some three days.

    Sonny is no doubt counting this as a win, even though they are anticipating no more than a quarter-inch. Hardly enough to refill our lakes. Sonny needs to be more explicit on what exactly he wants, because God is sometimes as clueless as an average support desk.

  3. "Knick-Knack paddywhack, give a dog a bone" just took on an entirely new (and horrifying) meaning for me!

    (Don't give up yet, Rav, we haven't even BEGUN to plumb the humorous depths of this situation!)

  4. SteveT; Know that you mention it, it has for me too LOL. Between this thread, the priceless 'transitional fossil' in the previous thread's clip (they couldn't make this stuff up if they tried, could they? :) ) and the puns in the Universe Not Fat thread I haven't stopped laughing. Just what I needed to cheer me up on a miserable Thursday morning, thank you one and all.

  5. Well, Steve, it may not be a marriage, but the Telegraph reported yesterday that a fellow was sentenced for HAVING SEX WITH A BICYCLE.

    A. Frelling. BICYCLE.

    Start inserting your jokes– Waitaminnit! Ohhhhh, no. Nope. Let's have no more talk of "insertions" here, m'kay?

  6. Did you guys notice this in the Man Marries Dog story?

    "On the advice of an astrologer and others, he decided to marry a bitch to get cured. Then we arranged Selvakumar's marriage with a bitch."

    A double dose of woo! For the dog's sake, I sure hope the marriage won't be consummated. Yikes!


  7. You folks are starting to ruin all the songs from my childhood!

    All of a sudden, "A Bicycle Built For Two" brings to mind a VERY sick image!

    Don't even get me started on "Aura Lee"!!

  8. JanieBelle,

    [fundie]That's exactly why we must not allow bestiality-based marriages in the U.S. — it could lead directly to allowing homosexual marriages as well![/fundie]

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