Like a zombie preying on the brains of the living, the Da Vinci Code has once again dodged death in order to lower the collective intelligence of the human species. This time, the conspiracy involves The Last Supper and the “discovery” of a “woman with a child” hidden within the painting. If you’d like to find these hidden figures, simply paste the painting into Photoshop, copy onto a new layer, reverse one layer, decrease the opacity so both layers are visible, lick a tab of LSD, stare at your hand for 40 minutes, then look at the image. Wow, it’s so clear I can’t believe art historians didn’t discover this sooner.
So who did make this great finding? I’m glad you asked. It’s “amateur scholar” Slavisa Pesci. That’s right, Slavisa Pesci, the famous amateur scholar! Now you’re asking, “What the hell is an amateur scholar, Rebecca?” Great question. Let me provide a simple definition using my handy dictionary
amateur: one who is not paid.
scholar: one who studies.
So, friends, an amateur scholar is someone who is not paid to study. Well gosh, I guess that makes me an amateur scholar, since I paid Boston University $10,000 just to let me study! And I’d be willing to be that a bunch of you are amateur scholars as well, and if you’re not now, I bet you used to be. My two nephews are amateur scholars (note: pending investigation, as nephews may receive some sort of allowance to complete spelling or math homework, etc.). You know that dipwad who showed up once to your 8 a.m. Intro to Astronomy class? Amateur scholar! I can’t wait for him to send out his press release announcing his discovery that the moon is really God’s wiffle ball sailing through space.
. . . oh yeah and I guess the mystery woman in the picture is Mary or Jezebel or Tom Hanks or something, I don’t know.