Random Asides

Is your butt as happy as it *could* be?

You may have read about the Church protesting against this billboard. Basically, uptight Religious Americans again. [rolls eyes]
But what is so special about this toilet? Why, just like the Shave Everywhere campaign, they have a website to tell you! (Make sure you watch the “happiness” section to see how…..um…..Crappy…..your bathroom experience has been until now.)

As Mark Morford says:

Obviously, you are meant to see these ads and say to yourself: “Wow, I want a happy butt! What the heck kind of product could make my butt smile like that,” and please don’t say a bottle of vodka and a large strap-on and a tube of really good lubricant and a lost weekend in Vegas because this is a family website and virgin Christians toddlers might be reading this right now and could see these words and turn to you and ask just what a butt plug is and why some of them look like, you know, the baby Jesus. And then we’d get letters….

Clicking on a given face/butt brings that actor to life, as they literally walk you through the Washlet’s features, with said actor often strolling over to a toilet itself, fully dressed, and sitting on the thing and sort of creeping you out because, well, they’re just sitting there, speaking straight to the camera about how, at the press of a remote-control button, the little water jet pops out and rinses your perenium and then the blow dryer blasts your taint and the air purifier neutralizes any ghastly smells as the heated seat makes you feel yummy all over and wow you simply must have this gadget to make your life more complete.”

The funny thing is, this is a product designed to appeal to Americans, who are determined to believe Down There is the source of all bad things. You don’t have to touch That Place, or deal with it at all.

Anyway, I thought as the resident dirty girl, it was my duty to bring this to your attention.


Bug_girl has a PhD in Entomology, and is a pointy-headed former academic living in Ohio. She is obsessed with insects, but otherwise perfectly normal. Really! If you want a daily stream of cool info about bugs, follow her Facebook page or find her on Twitter.

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  1. So wait…is this basically a toilet-seat-mounted bidet with some nifty tech added to it? I mean, I guess it's kind of interesting, but I don't see it as some kind of necessity or a 'better' way of cleaning one's various assorted Naughty Bits. And besides, a combination of water and some sort of, err, physical agitation, is probably still more effective than a water spray alone.

    Also, when all of the 'models' introduced themselves with a cheerful 'Hello!', I couldn't help but imagine them saying "Hello! Thanks for looking at my ass on the internet!"

    Finally, I can't help but suspect that the 4:2 female to male ratio might be a result of a few marketing department thoughts: First, men are sometimes skittish about looking at man-ass and might be put off by too many of them staring out from one ad…after all, mightn't that make one…GAY?? (Heavens forfend!) Second, women's rears are just more aesthetically pleasing. I wonder which of these concers, if either, is the true answer?

  2. Oh, and sorry for the double post, but I almost spit out my tea when I heard the "Technology" guy say: "The Washlet has more in common with your laptop computer than any toilet seat you've ever encountered!"

    Are we SURE this isn't a parody?? :-P

  3. bug_girl said: Yeah, my toilet really needs a USB port, for starters

    Sheesh, get with the times, bug! My seat's got 2 GB of RAM and a WiFi connection. Though, admittedly, download speeds do suffer when the 'pipes' are congested…

  4. I remember that the Japanese used to take out full page ads in the New York Times to try and sell washlets back in the 60s. I can only assume that these were controlled by transistors, or perhaps vacuum tubes,. If the washlet they are selling with that billboard is similar to their top of the line toilet, I'll bet it has more computing power than your typical ENIAC.

    Now we have a Toto Neorest in our house. That's Toto's top of the line toilet with a built in washlet, drier, seat heater, deodorizer, toilet seat and lid lift and a remote control. It's actually quite a piece of technology, and rather nice to use. It really does get you clean and dry. The heated seat is great in the winter, and the two phase seat lift should end those "you left the seat up/down" arguments. The remote control also lets you control the wash and dry functions, water temperature, and, of course, flush the thing.

    The toilet has motion sensors and will raise the lid as you approach. It can't figure out your sex, so it won't lift the seat automatically for men or lower it for women, but it is kind of clever. We turned this off because we have a very small WC style bathroom. Still, it seemed wonderfully Japanese to have the toilet seat sort of bowing to toilet user-san like a department store greeter.

    If you are wondering about power failures, there is a discreet metal pull that can flush the toilet as long as there is water pressure. The toilet is low flow flush so it meets modern building codes, but it never clogs or needs a double flush. Toto really does design better toilets than most.

    The Neorest is ridiculously expensive and uses a slightly non-standard water hook up, so you can't just pull up your old toilet and hook up the water without doing some plumbing. It also needs household current, and a surprising number of bathrooms have outlets for hair driers and shavers, but not convenient ones for toilets.

    We'd still recommend it, if you can afford it. it actually does make life more pleasant in its quiet way. If you can't afford a Neorest, consider buying a washlet. They are much more sanely priced.

  5. Justice Marcy S. Friedman, of State Supreme Court in Manhattan, evidently did not find the matter so clear-cut. On Monday, she issued a temporary restraining order banning the advertisement from going up, after concluding that the church “presents novel and significant issues.”

    Novel and significant? Butt it's the same crap they've been excreting for hundreds of years!

    That judge needs to pull her head… well, y'know.

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