Wow. I totally posted this at the same time as Stacey! I’ll leave it, just because I worked so durn hard.
Once again, scientists manage to actually do what the pseudoscientists have been pretending to do for centuries — in this case, read minds. Rav Winston tipped us off to ongoing research wherein scientists are able to accurately determine whether a subject is intending to add or subtract numbers. I would assume that adding versus subtracting would require an incredibly slight difference in the way our minds process the information, as opposed to the difference one might expect to find between adding numbers versus daydreaming about a steamy shower with Mark Ruffalo. (Had I been one of the subjects, I would have set the project back ten years due to nothing more than an uncontrollable penchant for fantasy).
Anyway, this research is a big deal, even though the scientists are only achieving about 70% accuracy. I wonder if they have a control group, and maybe one more with a “psychic” using her powers to get the answer. “I’m getting an ‘a’ . . . are you adding? No wait, your dead mother’s name is Anne. Or, I mean, you’re an architect. An architect who subtracts.”
I’m sure a lot of you out there are worried that this breakthrough is going to be used to peak inside your gray matter. This is completely justifiable, which is why I recommend you all take a few simple precautions that may just save you from Big Brother. First, always line your fedoras with tin foil or, better yet, magnets. Second, do not take vitamins. Vitamins are part of the conspiracy. Finally, and this is very important, do NOT fly to Germany to volunteer for a study on mind reading in which you are strapped to a table in a lab and scanned through an MRI machine. If this should happen, whatever you do, don’t add or subtract numbers in your head.