Don’t be so arrogant: thank your male escort.

AHH HERRRNNNNNN, HRRRRN! HHHRRRRN!Pastor Ted Haggard, leader of one of the largest megachurches in the country, preacher of fundamentalism, hater of gays, minor star of Richard Dawkins’ Root of All Evil documentary, has spent the past three years (allegedly) paying another man to have sex with him. Don’t you LOVE it when that happens?

Haggard was pure creepy weirdo on Root of All Evil, as he treated Dawkins like a poor deluded barbarian and told him to not be so arrogant. Few people could watch that clip and not feel instant loathing for him, and the more you know about his screwed up belief system the more you’ll hate him. His hatred of homosexuals is (supposedly) just what made his paid escort decide to step forward. Hee-larious!

Check out this news footage of a voice recognition expert matching up Ted to messages left on the escort’s voice mail. My favorite Ted quote, describing what the Church should do to him if it sees fit:

Discipline me if I need to be disciplined . . .

I just KNEW he’d be a sub.

Here’s some more video fun to fill your Friday: Ted talking to Barbara Walters! It’s very telling – he points out that he was once sexually active with a girlfriend until “Jesus touched [him].” Aha! Jesus turned Ted gay!

Special thanks to Scott for the links!

Mouseover photo to see transcript of what he is saying, my interpretation. Other interpretations received from friends:



“I think it’s kind of an eeeeuurrrrr-type sound.”


Please feel free to add your own.


Rebecca Watson

Rebecca is a writer, speaker, YouTube personality, and unrepentant science nerd. In addition to founding and continuing to run Skepchick, she hosts Quiz-o-Tron, a monthly science-themed quiz show and podcast that pits comedians against nerds. There is an asteroid named in her honor. Twitter @rebeccawatson Mastodon Instagram @actuallyrebeccawatson TikTok @actuallyrebeccawatson YouTube @rebeccawatson BlueSky

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  1. When this story first broke I saw it on Google news, the first thought that entered my head when I read that the pastor was out of Colorado Springs was "Wouldn't that be funny if it was that annoying pastor from The Root of All Evil"

    Having now had some time to digest it, it's both funny and sad. Funny, because that guys mouth is freaking huge, and you just know what he's been doing with it. And sad, becuase this kind of thing never has the impact you would hope it might on our ridiculous debates about homosexuality in this country.

  2. This is going to forever be the example cited when the defense mechanism known as 'Reaction Formation' is taught to folks at college.

  3. Isn't it funny how the people that protest the most have the most to hide. Watch what happens next, he will claim some kind of addiction and put himself in rehab. Then all will be forgiven.

  4. I blogged this recently myself, with similar thoughts, I feel a little sorry for him though. Not because he deserves sympathy particularly, just on a human to human level. He must be pretty messed up inside.

    I don't know if you've linked to it yet, probably, but I'll link it again there's a excerpt from Richard Dawkin's Root of all Evil programme here, which consists of Dawkin's interviewing Haggard, followed by Haggard wigging out somewhat.

  5. I don't understand how he could have gotten an erection while taking speed. So it's possible that he was also a Viagra junkie:

    "The drug is often taken with stimulants such as cocaine, ecstasy and amphetamine, that are known to inhibit erection"

    I love the way they use singular erection. Makes me think of Amish barn raising. "I'm just going to take a blue pill English, then we'll raise this barn" ;-).

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