Far be it from me to mock someone who obviously has serious mental issues, but I just want to point out this video, which I discovered through a post made by Rodney Anonymous on his blog yesterday. For the record, I find absolutely nothing hilarious about a man standing before a governing body violently shaking a lectern and describing his frustration over a mysterious helicopter buzzing his house. I did NOT laugh out loud when he called someone a “pussy,” and I certainly did not nearly shoot green tea out of my nose when it was pointed out to him that there were scared boy scouts in attendance.
I repeat, there is nothing funny about a scared boy scout.
Speaking of none of that, who’s up for a DNA sampling party? Fairly low-cost kits sold over the Interwebs now allow you to do all your swabbing at home, whether you’re wondering about your genetic heritage, concerned about that condom breaking last month, or just curious as to who exactly is yo’ baby daddy. The problem is that it may all turn out to be a big fat scam, since the results may be tainted and the company that sells you the kit may just be trying to sell you a bunch of supplements you don’t need.
Take, for example, the test performed by the Government Accountability Office for the Senate, mentioned in the above linked article.
The results, in some cases, were laughable. The nine samples sent from the baby girl received a variety of different recommendations. If the government pretended the sample was from someone who smoked, the recommendation was to stop smoking. In particular, the GAO cautioned against tests that purport to tell, by a sample of DNA, that the consumer should buy “personalized” dietary supplements that could cost $1,200 a year when the same ingredients could be purchased at a local store for $35 a year.
Good lord, that’s shocking! Who the hell let their 9-month old baby have a cigarette, and why didn’t the GAO prosecute?!
The moral of the story is that for now, it’s probably best to get your medical procedures done through trained medical professionals and not Prince Nuboku who is trying to escape Nigeria but needs your help to get his deceased father’s fortune into a bank in Switzerland using your genetic material and a cashier’s check.