Take a look at this ass clown.
Few reasoned, balanced pieces of writing begin with “Take a look at this ass clown,” and so you’ve probably already guessed that this will not be a reasoned, balanced piece of writing.
The above lowlife is named Ernest Angley, and he’s selling lies to poor, desperate, sick people in Africa. Ernie puts on the kind of show you thought was ten years out of fashion by the time Leap of Faith came out. He took his fake-ass plastic hair and Glengarry grin to Lesotho, where he promised that the lame would walk, the deaf hear, the blind see, and death and diseases would be cured. Don’t believe? I took that word for word off his promo poster, cached thanks to Google.
Apparently, James Randi repeatedly exposing these people to be frauds hasn’t altogether eradicated the infestation. For those not in the know, Randi wrote an entire book on the subject called The Faith Healers, and even wrote quite a bit about dear old Ernie’s antics. This book was written in 1989. Randi also went on Carson a few times to drive the point home that these people are dangerous frauds, but the problem persists.
Not only can these cockroaches flee to far-flung locales where the natives are still catching up to the Jack Paar era, but they can still turn a profit here in the US. Ernie, for instance, is based in Akron, OH, and has “prayer lines” in Cleveland, Toronto, and Vancouver BC. Someone around these parts is still keeping him in business. How freaking depressing is that?
Luckily, Ernie has a page on his site that might be able to help me. He offers miracles right through the Internet, at no charge — what a deal! Following the instructions, I placed my hand on the monitor and prayed with Ernie that the Lord Jesus take notice of the santorum-licking swamp rats promising to cure AIDS patients through prayer alone, and deliver unto those unholy turd sucking preachers a foul disease that lingers within them, dangling death in front of their desperate eyes like a carrot on a stick to be chased after in the vain hope of sweet release.
I wonder how it worked? Just to be sure, I sent this e-mail:
Dear Mr. Angley,
Earlier tonight I visited your web site, which promised a miracle if I put my hand on my computer monitor and prayed with you. Well, I did, and now I’m just checking in with you to be sure that it worked okay.
On a slightly related note, how are you feeling?
Thank you for your time and miracles,
I’ll keep you all updated on any response.