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Last year, I made a video in which I made some psychic predictions for 2016. Unlike every “psychic” on daytime television, I like to be held accountable. So let’s see how I did!
First of all, I predicted health problems for Zsa Zsa Gabor. Sadly, I was right on target as Zsa Zsa died December 18 at the age of 99.
I also predicted health problems for dozens of other celebrities but let’s not worry about that.
Another prediction I made was that an earthquake of 4.0 or higher would hit California in a warmer month. According to the US Geological Survey, I nailed it. On June 10, Borrego Springs, CA experienced a massive 5.2 earthquake, followed by more than 450 aftershocks! Tough to get a closer hit than that, I’d say.
For the record, there were a few other earthquakes during that time period in California. On July 19, Ridgemark, CA experienced a 4.2 earthquake. On July 21, Bayside, CA experienced a 4.7 earthquake. On July 31, Westmoreland CA experienced a 4.0 earthquake. On August 4, Janesville, CA experienced a 4.5 earthquake. On August 10, Upper Lake, CA experienced a massive 5.1 earthquake. And on August 28, Hayfork, CA experienced a 4.5 earthquake.
So many hits!
Finally, I predicted that a lottery winner would be struck by lightning in 2016. Now, this didn’t happen per se, BUT, in January of 2016 a story circulated that a man won the lottery, immediately bought a kilo of cocaine, snorted it all in the company of prostitutes, and promptly died of an overdose. An overdose is LIKE a lightning strike, sort of, in that…well…all your organs shut down, and you die usually.
Okay, it’s a stretch, and also that story turned out to be a hoax anyway. Fine, you know what? I had one miss. That’s not bad! I was two for three. Let’s see if I can do even better for 2017.
This year, I foresee not JUST earthquakes, but terrible flooding and mudslides in California due to several unusually powerful storms, possibly sent by god to punish us for our sins, or maybe because of global warming. Not sure.
I also predict that an E. coli outbreak will occur due to contaminated produce. Be careful at those salad bars everyone!
As for celebrity health problems, this year I’m worried about Guy Fieri, Martha Stewart, Dick Van Dyke, Miley Cyrus’s weird gross dad, the Spice Girls, Tony Bennett, and Charles Manson. I swear I made this video before Manson was reported to have been transported from prison to a hospital. I swear.
Once again, I’ll check back in at the end of the year to see if I beat out all those losers who claim to have psychic powers but are really just guessing. Unlike me.