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2016: The Year White People Blamed Everything on Beyoncé

Some pop culture has the power to change our cultural landscape over the course of time. Shows like Survivor led to the reality TV saturation we see today. Social media has led to greater visibility for those who were previously shut out of establishment media. But still, it’s very rare that any type of media or pop culture can effect great change in a few short weeks.

When Tennessee Sheriff Robert Arnold heard shots outside of his home Monday night, his thoughts immediately turned to the Super Bowl Halftime Show earlier this month:

“With everything that happened since the Super Bowl… that’s what I’m thinking: Here’s another target on law enforcement,” he said.

He went on: “You have Beyoncé’s video and that’s kind of bled over into other things, it seems.”

Beyoncé’s halftime show has triggered a panic across the United States (and not just the one we saw on SNL). Since Obama is leaving office in less than a year, white America will soon need to replace “Thanks, Obama” as their scapegoat phrase of choice. Luckily, there’s a replacement waiting in the wings.

I present to you, “Thanks, Beyoncé.”

Here’s a handy list of eight new and exciting ways you can blame Beyoncé for your everyday woes:

The Farmer’s Market is out of your favorite eggs. Thanks, Beyoncé! 

Did your cat throw up on the floor? Thanks, Beyoncé! 

Is your local Whole Foods out of organic kale? Thanks, Beyoncé! 

The Starbucks Line is ATROCIOUS this morning! Thanks, Beyoncé!

Chipped your fresh manicure? Thanks, Beyoncé! 

The local wine bar is out of your favorite Pinot Grigio. Thanks, Beyoncé! 

You thought you got free range chicken but it’s NOT. Thanks, Beyoncé!  

There are, like, so many homeless people in your city. Thanks, Beyoncé! 

The possibilities are endless! What other things do you think America will blame Beyoncé for this year? Leave them in the comments!

Alex Rudewell

Alex Rudewell

Alex Rudewell is an intersectional Buddhist feminist. Her myriad talents include clogging your social media with pictures of her chihuahua, and occasionally her begrudging cat. If that sounds like your cup of tea, you can follow @alexrudewell on Twitter.

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6 Comments

  1. February 18, 2016 at 8:28 pm —

    Alex Rudewell,

    You guys don’t know half of the evil that is Beyonce! She is an agent of the dark lord Satan, along with football, Hippies. and Mickey Mouse!

    The Super Bowl, Hippies, Beyonce, and the Self Parody That Is the “Vigilant Christian”
    http://littlegreenfootballs.com/page/319347_The_Super_Bowl_Hippies_Beyonce

  2. February 18, 2016 at 8:28 pm —

    I’m gonna download her new album just to piss off all the racists!

    • February 18, 2016 at 9:33 pm —

      Trav Mamone,

      Make sure to let all of them know you paid for it. That will really tick them off.

  3. February 18, 2016 at 10:42 pm —

    From the WaPo article:

    “[National Sheriffs’ Association Executive Director Jonathan] Thompson and others have also criticized the lyrics of “Formation,” though they make no mention of the police or the law and he could not cite specific offensive passages. Instead, the song is largely an exaltation of traits and characteristics typically associated with being black.”

    I see you.

  4. February 23, 2016 at 9:50 am —

    Beyoncé is what killed Anton Scalia.

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