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2016 Psychic Predictions!


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Sorta transcript:

Back when I was on the podcast The Skeptics’ Guide to the Universe, we used to celebrate the New Year by reviewing the previous year’s psychic predictions and making our own predictions for the following year. I’m not on the show any more but I do like a good tradition, so let’s keep it going!

I’m going to look at a specific psychic and use their past predictions as a template to form my own predictions for 2016. I’ve chosen Thomas John, a “psychic” with “real psychic powers” in New York. He said that in 2015, someone would die prominently from a prank gone wrong. I searched around and found that that DID in fact happen! In 2008. And 2013. And 2014. And 2015, though one of the most prominent deadly pranks is alleged by the deceased’s family to have actually been a hate crime. So.

The lesson? Choose an event that has almost a 100% chance of happening but seems very rare. My first thought was a lottery winner getting struck by lightning, and when I googled to see if that’s more common than we realize, sure enough it happened just a few months ago! And it happened in 2008, 2012, and 2013. I like that it’s not really 100% certain to happen but man, if it does I’m going to be super fucking famous.

John also predicts two school shootings, which is smart because mass shootings are very hot lately. What wasn’t so smart was that he got a little too specific, saying that one school shooting would be in Oregon, in September of 2015 — nope, there was one in California and one in South Dakota, though — and the other would be “in the South, adult shooter, deaths, and a lot of sadness.” He doesn’t give a date or exact location on that one, so his chances were higher, but sadly he still didn’t get this one right. Or happily, I should say. There was no school shooting in the South in 2015 that involved multiple deaths.

So for this one, he took something that was 100% certain to happen and then added some details. If he missed, he could say that the details were a little fuzzy but he was close enough. Like, Oregon is close to California, and when he said “deaths” in the Southern shooting he actually meant “a single death.” And if he had hit it, it would have seemed like a huge success.

With that in mind, I’ll say that in 2016 there will be an earthquake in the US above a 4.0. My extra details: it’ll be in California during a warmer month.

Finally, I’ll point out that John said that Charlie Sheen would experience health problems. HUGE HIT! As I mentioned in a previous video, Sheen admitted a few months ago that he was HIV positive. So what’s the lesson here?

Use the shotgun approach. By which I mean that John also said he foresaw health problems in Betty White, Muhammad Ali, Tony Bennett, Dolly Parton, Clint Eastwood, Jack Nicholson, Barbara Walters, Tori Spelling, Jamie Lee Curtis, Rob Pattison, David Arquette, Mike the Situation and OJ Simpson. Combine that with the fact that “health problems” is super generic and all these people are either ancient or are celebrities known for appreciating mind altering substances, and you’ve got a guaranteed winner on your hands. So here’s my prediction for 2016: I foresee health problems coming up for Ozzy Osbourne, Lindsay Lohan, Chris Brown, all the Real Housewives, Martin Schkrelli, Bill Cosby, Kirk Douglas, and Zsa Zsa Gábor. That should do it.

Obviously John has a million other predictions, but I really don’t have time for all that. Plus, only making a few will make it all the better when mine come true. So remember that in 2016 I predict that a lottery winner will be hit by lightning, an earthquake that’s 4.0 or larger will hit California in a warmer month, and there will be health problems for Ozzy Osbourne, Lindsay Lohan, Chris Brown, all the Real Housewives, Martin Schkrelli, Bill Cosby, Kirk Douglas, and Zsa Zsa Gábor. I’ll circle back around in December to see how I did.

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  1. You know, if psychics WERE accurate, they would probably be murdered for witchcraft or something, saying they actually CAUSED the events. Watch your back, Rebecca! OO! OO!!*

    *Not to be confused with “Woo! Woo!!” though it’s close. :)

  2. You know, I bet he could claim that the shooting he foresaw was the community college one on October 1, which /almost/ happened in September, just one day off. If I was pretending to have psychic powers, that’s what I’d do.

  3. >> Ummm, that’s not near California is it?

    Living in the greater San Francisco Bay Area I figured she was pretty safe with that one. But curious I googled it. Across California there’s been four or five 4.0 or greater quakes in the last 5 days…

  4. Well, I predicted white terrorists would attack Indians, and I’m off to a good start

    (But seriously, Clive, okay, I see your Bible as a very influential work of fiction, but if you’re smart enough to know Ammon is a name, you’re smart enough to know it’s the equivalent of naming your kid Joffrey.)

    You’re gonna take a walk in the rain, and you’re gonna get wet, I predict
    You’re gonna eat a bowl of chow mein and be hungry real soon, I predict

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