Glee: Baby Got Back. And then got Raped.
Last night, a bunch of never before seen extras on Fox’s show Glee performed an unaccredited cover of Jonathan Coulton’s cover of Sir Mix A Lot’s Baby Got Back. When confronted with the outrage of a million angry geeks on Twitter, Glee was all “yeah, but it’s a cover of a cover. BFD. Besides, EXPOSURE AND SHIT, YO. Coulton should be THANKING us.” And JoCo was all “Fuck you. It’s not exposure if you don’t put my fucking name on it, crotch fuckers.” And Glee was all “*blink blink* It’s not like it’s illegal. *shrug*.” And everyone kept raging and then Peter Sagal started tweeting and more rage ensued:
— Peter Sagal (@petersagal) January 25, 2013
And everyone is really angry. Because Glee covered a cover of a song and no one got credit and that’s stealing and that’s wrong and that’s bullshit. And despite the fact that it’s legal, JoCo is supposedly looking into a way to sue them… as he should.
But let’s fast forward a few minutes after the otherwise unremarkable ironic hipster show choir moment. Because something else happened in this episode that is also pretty awful and deserves just as much, if not more, rage. Last night’s episode also contained explicit, admitted, unapologetic, statutory rape.
Around 24 minutes into the episode, one of the high school characters, Kitty, asks the graduated-from-high-school Puckerman to go to Sadie Hawkins dance and the script pretends to be coy and subtle about the fact that this is not a dance-date but a fuck-me-in-ways-porn-hasn’t-filmed-yet-of date. Seriously.
But Puckerman isn’t about to get himself into trouble. He isn’t going to jail for sticking his junk inside this little Lolita… even if it is to protect his brother from going to the big dance with said Lolita. (No. For real. This is actually the story. He’s being seduced by his brother’s hook-up interest to protect his brother from hooking up with Kitty because Kitty wants to hook up with the brother and even though bro wants to hook up with Kitty as well, he wants to have fun at the dance and he can only do that with a different girl… which makes the whole why-we-have-to-steal-music thing make sense. Because they can’t even find good writers for the non-music.)
Now, Glee takes a whole lot of liberties with reality. It’s one of the things that made the show charming in the first place. So I’d be willing to call this a non-rape date if this exchange hadn’t happened:
Kitty: You wanna keep me away from your brother? Give me a big old yarn ball of muscles to distract me.
Puckerman: Aren’t you underage?
Kitty: I have a fake ID.
Puckerman: Good enough for me. It’s Sadie Hawkins soooo I assume that means you’re paying for everything. If you wanna get all up in this, I expect to be fed.
Anyway… here we have an obvious and explicit understanding that Kitty is not old enough to consent to sex, but her fake ID says she can, and Puckerman is cool with plausible deniability… for his brother. Puckerman is willing to rape his brother’s boner’s interest to protect him from his own boner. It’s what brothers do. For family honor… I guess. I don’t have a brother, so I’m stuck assuming things based on the script.
Later in the show. (Because for some reason I’m still watching.) Puckerman and Kitty are at the Sadie Hawkins dance. As it turns out, they are hitting it off. She makes a bunch of anti-Semitic jokes, laughing as she says she can’t date Jewish guys because they killed her Jesus buuuuut she did read his screen play and thinks he has talent and can make it as a screenwriter in Hollywood (in which this entire episode comes into focus as a very real fantasy of everyone working on this show.) Because the best judge of what it takes to make it as a professional writer in Hollywood is a racist high school sophomore from rural Ohio. But Puckerman is shocked and flattered that this very (un)worldly and very (un)knowledgeable (very) young lady would be impressed with his screenplay that he wrote while living and running his own business in LA.
This could be true love. Puckerman has a chance to talk to Kitty and tell her that she doesn’t have to do the weird stuff, and that he’s really enjoying her company and he’d like to take her out for sodas and shit. Instead…
Kitty: If you’re done dancing like you lost your leg in a motorcycle accident, why don’t we head back to my car and have at each other in the back seat?
Puckerman: Right on. But I have to warn you, I’m pretty hungry after sex so we should make it quick because Sonic Burger closes in an hour.
Kitty grabs his arm and they run out, Puckerman’s brother sees their sexit (that’s my new word for when you’re running out to the door to do sex) and looks a little sad… and that’s the last we see of them for the rest of the episode. Because they’re presumably fucking. And this is prime time. And she’s not old enough to be filmed fucking. Because she’s not old enough to have sex.
So we got rape and cheeseburgers. Now that’s good TV.
I’m a little shocked and upset that the reaction from the world was “OMG! THAT’S MY NERD MUSIC!” But there was no “WHAT THE FUCK, FOX? THAT’S RAPE AND YOU EVEN WROTE DIALOGUE INTO THE SCRIPT THAT ADMITS THAT IT’S RAPE AND YOU RAN WITH IT ANYWAY!”
This is fucked up, geeks. Puckerman ASKS if sex with her is going to be rape. She says yes, but that her fakey says it’s cool. Then he runs out to the car to show her his disgusting yarn-ball man muscles and make her buy him a #3 combo meal with a large fry… because rape makes him hungry… and he has less than an hour to rape her.
Maybe before everyone is done flipping furniture over the legal use of an arrangement of a song, we could maybe flip a step stool or a candle stick for the way they make it cool to fuck kids if you’re doing it for your brother and the kid is sexy and asking for it.