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Skepchick Quickies 8.10

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30 Comments

  1. Jesus. People put up with too many assholes and then call them friends. Idk if it is because I am no longer 22 but seriously. Tell Creeper dudes to fuck off. Done. Why do people make this shit so difficult?

    • John Scalzi had some interesting points for the potential creeper as well yesterday.

      ‘It may not seem fair that “creep” is their assessment of you, but: Surprise! It doesn’t matter, and if you try to argue with them (or anyone else) that you’re in fact not being a creep and the problem is with them not you, then you go from “creep” to “complete assbag.” Sometimes people aren’t going to like you or want to be near you. It’s just the way it is.’

      http://whatever.scalzi.com/2012/08/09/an-incomplete-guide-to-not-creeping/

      • Well, fuck them, too, because they aren’t great friends if they side with an obvious asshole creep.

        People put up with WAY TOO MUCH BULLSHIT when it comes to people they call friends. “Well, I don’t want them my “friends” to be mad at me if I call out the asshole who sexually assaulted me!” If they are mad at you for calling out someone who sexually assaulted you?? They aren’t your friends.

        • Right, but leaving you entire circle of friends isn’t that easy. Making new friends as an adult is difficult, and while you’re right that ditching them is the right thing to do, it’s a huge thing to decide you’re not going to have social support for a while, especially if you’re already dealing with some emotional upheaval.

          Also, I can (and do) tell creeps to fuck off now, but wasn’t able to do so even a couple years ago. It’s very difficult to do when you’ve been indoctrinated in the “women should always be nice” culture, but haven’t yet realized that’s bullshit. I think it’s important to realize that a LOT of women haven’t learned to stand up for themselves and be okay with hurting feelings. Saying “just be assertive and tell them to fuck off” is sort of along the same lines of “just quit smoking” or “just lose some weight”. Much more difficult than it sounds.

        • Ditto. And if a boyfriend cares more about the feelings of some dude he went with to high school instead of the person he claims to love, I’d reconsider having him as a boyfriend.
          Ok, I would not. I’d just kick him out.

      • I understand their anger, but violence can’t be the answer. Even in a video game. It just breeds more hate, which breeds more violence.

        I wonder if it’s possible to make an entertaining video game about turning creepers into good people.

        • //I understand their anger, but violence can’t be the answer. Even in a video game. It just breeds more hate, which breeds more violence.//

          It’s also hilarious.

          //I wonder if it’s possible to make an entertaining video game about turning creepers into good people.//

          I don’t think so.

        • I wonder if it’s possible to make an entertaining video game about turning creepers into good people.

          Well sure, all they have to do is accept the love of Jesus into their hearts and all will be wonderful. That’s what happens when you accept Jusus right? I haven’t really looked into it but I had some literature given to me under my door recently that makes a compelling argument.

  2. I loved this paragraph in the creeper article:

    “And don’t worry so much about smoothing everything over and making everyone feel okay. Deliver that script and let your partner feel how he feels about it. Probably he’ll feel bad and weird. The Creeper will feel bad and weird. They SHOULD feel bad and weird, because shit is bad and weird. Women are so socialized and trained to absorb other people’s badness and weirdness for them, that it’s going to be actively hard for you to NOT smooth things over. But don’t smooth things over. Let them be weird. Let them be AWFUL.”

    I relate to the absorbing the badness and weirdness. It’s one of those things that has always made me feel sad and sort of like I’m gaslighting myself when I smooth things over, and this is exactly it. Let other people feel bad and weird when they are acting ways they should feel bad and weird about.

  3. I think creepers are basically insecure about their emotions, which leads to overthinking, which leads to more insecurity, and when someone calls them out on their behaviour, they take it as a personal attack.

    That’s why it takes courage to stand up to creepers. They lash back.

  4. Arg, repost due to my html fail…

    Ironically, one of my friends who works for an all female media consultancy told me that they’re making a game about stomping out creepers..

    Their answer to the creeper problem is blunt objects and projectiles.

    • I totally understand them, though. Dancing should be fun, and being forced to to something is not fun. Being constantly forced to do something you originally loved will eventually make you furious.

      And of course there are the gender issues.

      • Well I haven’t played the game, but from what I understand, it’s not actually violent (nobody gets hurt), it’s tongue-in-cheek aggression.

        There are MANY more games more violent than this. And does that make them okay? Sure! Games are art, and it’s okay if art is offensive.

  5. I’ve been a clumsy romeo, though I’m usually on the other side now. In my opinion they are a tiny fraction of the creepy guy community. Most of the creepy interactions I’ve been the target of have been intentionally upsetting.

    One thing I would add to the guide: making an apology can be just as selfish as any other thing you might want from someone. If you can’t apologize without violating someone’s boundaries you shouldn’t apologize.

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