Amanda

Amanda

Amanda is a science grad student in Boston whose favorite pastimes are having friendly debates and running amok.

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Speaking Out Against Hate Directed at Women: Todd Stiefel

30 Comments

  1. Avatar of marilove
    August 10, 2012 at 10:13 am —

    Jesus. People put up with too many assholes and then call them friends. Idk if it is because I am no longer 22 but seriously. Tell Creeper dudes to fuck off. Done. Why do people make this shit so difficult?

    • Avatar of scribe999
      August 10, 2012 at 10:25 am —

      John Scalzi had some interesting points for the potential creeper as well yesterday.

      ‘It may not seem fair that “creep” is their assessment of you, but: Surprise! It doesn’t matter, and if you try to argue with them (or anyone else) that you’re in fact not being a creep and the problem is with them not you, then you go from “creep” to “complete assbag.” Sometimes people aren’t going to like you or want to be near you. It’s just the way it is.’

      http://whatever.scalzi.com/2012/08/09/an-incomplete-guide-to-not-creeping/

      • Avatar of marilove
        August 10, 2012 at 10:33 am —

        so much over analyzing!

        Fuck you, Creeper.

        Done.

        • Avatar of scribe999
          August 10, 2012 at 11:28 am —

          lol … fair enough. Although, for Scalzi, that’s a message to past, current, or would-be creepers, not for the creeped :)

          • Avatar of marilove
            August 10, 2012 at 11:44 am

            Eh, she’s talking to the air. They aren’t going to listen.

    • Avatar of Briarking
      August 10, 2012 at 11:18 am —

      I absolutely agree, but I think the dilemma those women are having is that they don’t want to lose their entire circle of friends by “H8TING” on the one Creeper in the group.

      • Avatar of marilove
        August 10, 2012 at 11:44 am —

        Well, fuck them, too, because they aren’t great friends if they side with an obvious asshole creep.

        People put up with WAY TOO MUCH BULLSHIT when it comes to people they call friends. “Well, I don’t want them my “friends” to be mad at me if I call out the asshole who sexually assaulted me!” If they are mad at you for calling out someone who sexually assaulted you?? They aren’t your friends.

        • Avatar of marilove
          August 10, 2012 at 11:45 am —

          I love when random words just appear in my sentences! :D

        • Avatar of Feats of Cats
          August 10, 2012 at 1:18 pm —

          Right, but leaving you entire circle of friends isn’t that easy. Making new friends as an adult is difficult, and while you’re right that ditching them is the right thing to do, it’s a huge thing to decide you’re not going to have social support for a while, especially if you’re already dealing with some emotional upheaval.

          Also, I can (and do) tell creeps to fuck off now, but wasn’t able to do so even a couple years ago. It’s very difficult to do when you’ve been indoctrinated in the “women should always be nice” culture, but haven’t yet realized that’s bullshit. I think it’s important to realize that a LOT of women haven’t learned to stand up for themselves and be okay with hurting feelings. Saying “just be assertive and tell them to fuck off” is sort of along the same lines of “just quit smoking” or “just lose some weight”. Much more difficult than it sounds.

          • Avatar of marilove
            August 10, 2012 at 5:38 pm

            I get all that. Just sayin’ it sucks. :)

        • Avatar of the owl
          August 10, 2012 at 2:06 pm —

          Ditto. And if a boyfriend cares more about the feelings of some dude he went with to high school instead of the person he claims to love, I’d reconsider having him as a boyfriend.
          Ok, I would not. I’d just kick him out.

          • Avatar of the owl
            August 10, 2012 at 2:07 pm

            Dotto to what Marilove wrote.

    • Avatar of iuadhaiuwhfa
      August 10, 2012 at 12:46 pm —

      I agree that creepers need to be called out on their behaviour, but unfortunately not everyone has the awareness or courage needed to do so. Following this blog over the years has given me more of both.

      • Avatar of delphi_ote
        August 10, 2012 at 12:50 pm —

        That’s exactly the change we need, and it’s the reason I think that CaptainAwkward piece should be required reading in the community. We need to start speaking up!

      • Avatar of marilove
        August 10, 2012 at 1:18 pm —

        Just wanna say I totally agree.

        And I think people just put up with a lot of crap when it comes to others in their “social circle”, because they don’t want to rock the boat.

        Sometimes when I read about how other people interact with one another, I am just lost. I just don’t have the patience for all the drama.

    • Avatar of dr. dr. professor
      August 10, 2012 at 1:16 pm —

      Ironically, one of my friends who works for an all female media consultancy told me that they’re making a game about stomping out creepers..

      Their answer to the creeper problem is blunt objects and projectiles.

      • Avatar of iuadhaiuwhfa
        August 10, 2012 at 3:25 pm —

        I understand their anger, but violence can’t be the answer. Even in a video game. It just breeds more hate, which breeds more violence.

        I wonder if it’s possible to make an entertaining video game about turning creepers into good people.

        • Avatar of iuadhaiuwhfa
          August 10, 2012 at 3:26 pm —

          It would reward the player for showing empathy and courage.

        • Avatar of dr. dr. professor
          August 10, 2012 at 3:51 pm —

          //I understand their anger, but violence can’t be the answer. Even in a video game. It just breeds more hate, which breeds more violence.//

          It’s also hilarious.

          //I wonder if it’s possible to make an entertaining video game about turning creepers into good people.//

          I don’t think so.

        • Avatar of mrmisconception
          August 10, 2012 at 4:05 pm —

          I wonder if it’s possible to make an entertaining video game about turning creepers into good people.

          Well sure, all they have to do is accept the love of Jesus into their hearts and all will be wonderful. That’s what happens when you accept Jusus right? I haven’t really looked into it but I had some literature given to me under my door recently that makes a compelling argument.

  2. Avatar of cybercedd
    August 10, 2012 at 11:46 am —

    Will Hot Wheels also be releasing the sky crane separately? Because you need to have the whole set.

  3. Avatar of Feats of Cats
    August 10, 2012 at 1:02 pm —

    I loved this paragraph in the creeper article:

    “And don’t worry so much about smoothing everything over and making everyone feel okay. Deliver that script and let your partner feel how he feels about it. Probably he’ll feel bad and weird. The Creeper will feel bad and weird. They SHOULD feel bad and weird, because shit is bad and weird. Women are so socialized and trained to absorb other people’s badness and weirdness for them, that it’s going to be actively hard for you to NOT smooth things over. But don’t smooth things over. Let them be weird. Let them be AWFUL.”

    I relate to the absorbing the badness and weirdness. It’s one of those things that has always made me feel sad and sort of like I’m gaslighting myself when I smooth things over, and this is exactly it. Let other people feel bad and weird when they are acting ways they should feel bad and weird about.

  4. Avatar of iuadhaiuwhfa
    August 10, 2012 at 1:09 pm —

    I think creepers are basically insecure about their emotions, which leads to overthinking, which leads to more insecurity, and when someone calls them out on their behaviour, they take it as a personal attack.

    That’s why it takes courage to stand up to creepers. They lash back.

  5. Avatar of dr. dr. professor
    August 10, 2012 at 1:18 pm —

    Arg, repost due to my html fail…

    Ironically, one of my friends who works for an all female media consultancy told me that they’re making a game about stomping out creepers..

    Their answer to the creeper problem is blunt objects and projectiles.

    • Avatar of iuadhaiuwhfa
      August 10, 2012 at 3:34 pm —

      I totally understand them, though. Dancing should be fun, and being forced to to something is not fun. Being constantly forced to do something you originally loved will eventually make you furious.

      And of course there are the gender issues.

      • Avatar of dr. dr. professor
        August 10, 2012 at 3:54 pm —

        Well I haven’t played the game, but from what I understand, it’s not actually violent (nobody gets hurt), it’s tongue-in-cheek aggression.

        There are MANY more games more violent than this. And does that make them okay? Sure! Games are art, and it’s okay if art is offensive.

  6. Avatar of Felyx Leiter
    August 10, 2012 at 2:49 pm —

    Thank you for sharing the Kate Beaton comic. I had to turn my LOL into a half-assed cough to cover myself at work.

  7. Avatar of criticaldragon1177
    August 10, 2012 at 7:07 pm —

    “Hot Wheels to release a Mars rover Curiosity toy” Next Hot Wheels goes to Mars!

  8. Avatar of victoriadashtwenty
    August 10, 2012 at 7:55 pm —

    I’ve been a clumsy romeo, though I’m usually on the other side now. In my opinion they are a tiny fraction of the creepy guy community. Most of the creepy interactions I’ve been the target of have been intentionally upsetting.

    One thing I would add to the guide: making an apology can be just as selfish as any other thing you might want from someone. If you can’t apologize without violating someone’s boundaries you shouldn’t apologize.

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