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Chimp Tries/Fails to Communicate with Idiot Humans


Dear humans: I spent years learning your hand-language because at some point I figured it was the only way to tell you what I want. Now I want that delicious cookie on the ground and all you can do is point a camera at me, suggest I’m attempting an escape (libelous!), and call me a “monkey.” Fuck you. That’s the middle digit, right?

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  1. For those of you struggling to comprehend the strange clicks and whistles that comprise the northern English accent, please allow me to translate.

    “‘E wonts us t’lift t’window oop. Wi this bolt?” can be roughly translated as “I lack the intellectual capacity to notice the object on the ground at which the ape is pointing.”

  2. Let’s see… what shall the title of the paper be? “Incidences in which pan troglodytes evince more intelligence than homo sapiens,”? “Communications failures between pan troglodytes and homo sapiens,”? “Evidence that pan troglodytes is as intelligent as homo sapiens because pan troglodytes can clearly signal intent, but they don’t watch ‘The real housewives of wherever’ or ‘The only way is genericstupidshire’ “?

    If I had a choice of charades partners between the chimp and the human in the vid, I’d choose the chimp. Even if we lost due to cultural differences, we would probably have more intelligent conversation.

  3. The chimp may have picked up some “hand sign language” through contact with the human handlers. But I thought the way he/she/it/they signals “that”, “want mine”, “put on (my) hand” is almost eerily human, especially when I only look at the hands.

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