Dear Surly Amy,
One of my female friends (let’s call her Daisy) says she still has “that special something” with one of my former friends (let’s call him Dick).
I severed my friendship with Dick because he blackmailed her, caused a humiliating scene outside her house, habitually lied to her, and physically assaulted her.
And recently I’ve heard news that Dick has been spreading the false news that they’re still together. That’s when Daisy replied that it wasn’t a lie because of “that special something.”
Right now, I can’t fathom how my friend could feel like this after she’s suffered so much because of him. And I don’t know what I should do if they somehow become a couple again. I need your advice.
First of all, if your ex-friend actually blackmailed or abused someone and you have evidence of it, you should report it to the authorities if at all possible. The only way domestic abuse situations ever get handled officially is if there is a documented history of abuse. Of course, the woman we are referring to as Daisy would have to corroborate your testimony which most likely will be very unlikely to happen.
The sad fact of the matter is that often-times victims get caught in a cycle of abuse that for many different reasons is difficult to break free from. I have actually addressed a very similar situation here on Skepchick in a post called, Ask Surly Amy: FRUSTRATED ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. Please read that post if you have a moment. It has a lot of valuable information on abusive relationships.
The main advice I can give, is for you to leave the door open to your friend, Daisy. Tell her that if she wants to get away from Dick you will be there to help her but you can’t condone a violent and abusive relationship. Separate yourself from the situation while leaving a helping hand stretched out should she need it. You have no idea how important that may be. You can also offer her some information so she can seek professional help in your absence. Let her know there are options. She may not realize that help is out there. Let her know that she is never alone or helpless should she decide to finally leave him.
These are the links I provided in my previous post:
I’m sorry you have found yourself in this situation and I hope your friend finds the strength to leave her abuser.
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Featured images are details from one of my paintings.