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Don’t say uterus. It’s rude.

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I don’t know about you, but when I was in grade five, the girls and boys were separated and taken to watch our respective videos on our changing bodies. This, I imagine, would have been uncomfortable under any circumstance, but this was Catholic school (read: sexually repressed). I was in no way accustomed to such clinical terms as “ovaries” or “fallopian tubes” or “menstruation.”

Hey, I was 10. What do you want from me? I think I showed incredible maturity by not giggling uncontrollably.

But here I am, 17 years later, perfectly comfortable talking about my period with anyone who will listen. And, while it may not always be an appropriate topic of conversation, the human body is not in itself obscene and is nothing to be afraid of.

Unless you’re the Florida Republican Party.

Democratic state representative Scott Randolph was just trying to make a point. During a floor debate in which his Republican colleagues were arguing against business regulations, Randolph got fed up. Tired of hearing how Republicans are supposedly all about small government, yet have no trouble sticking their noses into truly private matters, Randolph indicated that maybe his wife should “incorporate her uterus.”

Maybe it’s just me, but I think that’s super funny. But to the Florida House GOP? Not so much. Evidently, the word “uterus” is not appropriate for the austere halls of the Florida legislature.

Because, you see, they have to protect the children! Mentioning the clinical term for a woman’s baby incubator might make young pages and messengers uncomfortable.

Well, obviously. Young ears shouldn’t be exposed to the word used for a body part possessed by more than half of the world’s population. Scandalous!

But there is a bigger problem here. Clearly, the Florida Republican Party has not grown accustomed to the human body. And, because my beneficence knows no bounds, I want to help with this. I mean, how can they possibly pass abortion restrictions without knowing the basics of how the body operates?

Florida Republicans, I will help desensitize you from icky words like “uterus,” “vulva,” “ovaries,” and “phalanges.” From now on, and until further notice, I will tweet words like these to you until you can comfortably discuss your prostate freely with strangers. I invite the people of the Interwebs to help by tweeting medical terminology for body parts to the Florida GOP (@FloridaGOP). Use the hashtag #OMGuterus.

We do it because we care.

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25 Comments

  1. I think that, being from Tampa Bay, they have simply heard one too many tampon jokes and IT’S JUST NOT FUNNY ANYMORE!!

    Interesting word to be afraid of coming from a bunch of douches.

    I’m here all week, remember to tip your waiters.

  2. “Think of the children”? Watch your language. You know how those people come to be, don’t you? Polite people do not EVER mention the ‘c’ word in public.

    If you must refer to them, please use a euphemism, such ‘future contributors’ or ‘not-yet-old-enough-to-vote citizens’.

    When it is time produce future contributors, decent people of the female persuasion lie back and think of St. Ronald of Reagan!

  3. My mouth literally went agape when I read the Republican response at the posted link. I guess it’s okay to take about the evils of abortion all day long, but actually discussing the parts that are involved with the development of the fetus? Hell no! What if there are children around?

    I am seriously taken aback with this.

  4. I find the Republican stupidity, humorous or is that humerus. What would they prefer to say Uterus or womb? Can’t say body parts? What about the 2 things that the republicans have that seem defective, the heart & the brain. The other point is, how many of these children haven’t been exposed to these words already?

  5. If you can’t even talk about female reproductive anatomy without giggling like an immature eleven year old, then you probably shouldn’t be allowed to write or pass legislation that has anything to do with it.

    Also, I’m pretty sure that, by the age of 12, someone had explained to me where babies come from – with diagrams and actual medical terms. Besides – what are they ‘protecting’ the pages from? The knowledge that women have reproductive organs, one of which incubates babies?

  6. I’m a huge fan of phalanges. I like saying phalanges.

    Phalanges.

    Know what the Republicans are even more uncomfortable about? The clitoris. “What?? Something that actually gives women…pleasure?? I vote against it!”
    “Sir, you can’t possibly think you can ban the clitoris.”
    “Voted and banned!!”

  7. Just tweeted my response. Ugh, as a newly minted Floridian I want to bury my head in shame over the crap this state has pulled.

    It is so creepily indicative of the distaste Republicans have for woman. They have no problem legislating what I can do with my ****** but god forbid we actually talk about that actual part of my body.

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