Quickies

Skepchick Quickies 6.11

Amanda

Amanda is a science grad student in Boston whose favorite pastimes are having friendly debates and running amok.

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46 Comments

  1. I wouldn’t be surprised if women ( and men) do make noises to manipulate their partner during sex. The problem is the word “manipulate” has a negative connotation. Positive responses encourage a partner to keep doing that thing you find enjoyable. Negative responses encourage them to change. It’s manipulation, but I hardly see anything problematic in it.

  2. Um, what?! What the fuck. I don’t make noise unless I’m enjoying it a lot, but when I am enjoying it, I am really, really noisy. But I’m also a pretty noisy person, day-to-day.

    ALso, some men (and women) LIKE their partner to be noisy. They find it hot. What is wrong with doing something your partner finds hot?! What the hell, *I* find it hot when *I* am being noisy! It’s awesome.

    Also, I don’t always make noise when I have an orgasm. Imagine that!!

    @Tanstaafl56: Yeah, but that’s implying that the only time a woman should, or does, make noise is when she is orgasming, because otherwise she’s not enjoying it enough to make noise. WTF?

  3. @Mark Hall: Except I’m not making noise to “manipulate” my partner, but rather because I can’t fucking help it. It just happens. Or, because I KNOW he/she likes it, but even then, it’s not really that so much as I CANNOT HELP IT.

    I don’t think manipulation is the right word, man.

  4. Also, if that’s seen as manipulation, why not the whole shebang? Certainly I could just lay there and enjoy it, making my partner do all the work — but I don’t. I do things that I know my partner (and myself) will enjoy.

    So was I manipulating R L when he came over and I was in a sheer cami and short skirt? Knowing it would totally turn him on? What about when I went down on him? Was that manipulation? Since I knew he’d enjoy it and I’d likely get the same from him? Because I thought I was just trying to make him hot ‘n heavy, and then feel good (and also, it’s fun)….

    But now I know I was just manipulating him. Got it.

    And I know that is all kinds of TMI (not that anyone here cares, lol), but seriously. The implication that women are manipulative creatures is just plane sexist. It’s a common line of thought. Women don’t *enjoy* sex – oh, no. They only have sex to manipulate or get their way, or because they think they must have sex. They certainly don’t enjoy it!

    *eye roll*

  5. Would “influence” be a better word? It’s hard to think of a word that doesn’t have a negative connotation, and “manipulate,” while possibly technically correct in the sense of use (eg: Wendy manipulated the controls skillfully) does have some pretty bad vibes.

    Perhaps a subconscious modifier? I dunno. It seems to be a silly study in any event. Some people are noisy, some aren’t, and maybe some are noisy to an end, and maybe some aren’t. Whatever.

    I make noises without thinking about them, it’s all pretty automatic if you ask me.

  6. So, Prince Bigears says that the West is having a “deep, inner crisis of the soul”.

    Perhaps instead he is having an inner crisis of the brain, specifically he is trying to find his.
    He seems to think it is located somewhere around the heart.
    From the outside we can tell it is located nowhere near his head.
    I suggest he check somewhere near his ass though he may need help with that as he can’t even seem to locate THAT with both hands and GPS. Having his head firmly implanted doesn’t seem to be helping.

    Why doesn’t the United States have a king again?

  7. @Amanda:

    I don’t like the implication, either. Manipulation may be denotatively correct, but it connotatively sucks.

    @marilove:

    Mari, sometimes I wonder if you actually read what people post; your posts seem confrontational in tone, but you don’t actually contradict what the person says.

    Making noise during sex is a form of manipulation, in that is an interaction, voluntary or not, which changes or reinforces a given behavior. The connotation of manipulation is generally negative when dealing with interpersonal reactions, but that doesn’t change that it is denotatively correct.

  8. @Mark Hall: And my point was that the “study” implies that women make noise outside of orgasms only to manipulate — and not because they enjoy it — thereby implying that women only enjoy sex when they orgasm. And of course it doesn’t say that men do the same freakin’ things. Men can also be noisy, outside of orgasm, and men “manipulate” just as much as women do. The entire act of sex is manipulation, when you get right down to it. I wasn’t confrontational; just flabbergasted at the clearly biased, sexist study. Women don’t enjoy sex; we only have sex to get our way. *eye roll* So, that anger wasn’t directed at you, but rather the stupid, biased study. Because it’s stupid. And sexist.

  9. Before we were married my wife and I shared apartments, when we got married we had a basement apartment and there was a sweet little old lady above up who never slept and when we bought a house we promptly had two kids who are still home. My wife has always been a bit self conscious about someone hearing us have sex so when there’s the opportunity to make noise we both have some fun and laugh at ourselves afterward. So like fate said above, a bit of theatre does add to the fun except I don’t think we’ll be taking the show on the road any time soon.

  10. “Prince said that he believed ‘green technology’ alone could not resolve the world’s environmental problems. Instead, the West must do something about its ‘deep, inner crisis of the soul’.”

    The Prince is on the right track but I say he’s not taking it far enough! I think the earth has received some bad energy from all the atheist blogs and homosexual marriages as of late. The only solution is that the planet needs to sweat out this bad energy in a tradition sweat lodge ceremony. Unfortunately there is no tent big enough. We’ll just have to super-heat the atmosphere by burning fossil fuels.

  11. I realize this isn’t the link generating a lot of comments, but I can hardly even joke about Alan Turing. I think his story is one of the saddest I’ve ever encountered and my mood goes down several grades every time I am reminded of it.

  12. re: sex – isn’t the whole point of sex to communicate what you both want for mutual benefit? There is nothing worse than having joe numby fumbling around down there while you’re giving him mis-guided cues. Sex is a lot easier for both parties if the cues are clear.

  13. 1. Regarding the first link, I don’t think I fully understand how that conclusion was reached. Are they only studying heterosexual women, and then extrapolating from that data? How can they make generalizations about all women when they don’t include an entire segment of women: those who only have sex with other women? How do they explain copulatory vocalizations in a sexual situation in which there is no male to manipulate? I tried to wade through the original paper but am falling asleep, so maybe somebody can mansplain it to me.

    2. Really, Prince Charles? Of all the legitimate things that you could be blaming for the source of environmental problems, you go after something that can’t be measured or put into more concrete terms? “He said that the present approach to the environment was contrary to the teachings of all of the world’s sacred traditions.” Didn’t realize he was an expert on ALL sacred traditions. Even if that’s true, so what? So are a lot of things.

    3. The babby lion being tickled by its mama is preciousssss. Lions are such big kitty cats, they have no idea.

  14. Ah, but the salient question is this: Does Mother Nature make noise when Chuck becomes one with her? Or only when she is tickled by lions?

    My younger lion derivative has learnt to teleport. I find this unsettling, and a bad omen for the survival of the hummingbirds she stalks through the window.

  15. That study strikes me as bizarre from the outset; it seems to me that they posited an outcome and selected for “proof” of their women-always-manipulate-men theory. Do they have an explanation for why men make noise during sex, but before orgasm? Having personally studied the matter extensively in my youth, I can report that most of them do.

    Except my friend S. A man notoriously silent during sex, he was asked by a lover to MAKE SOME NOISE, DAMMIT!

    He took to shouting “Weehauken” at the moment of orgasm.

  16. Scientists try to prove that women manipulate men with noises during sex

    In some ways most people manipulate others with pretty much every interaction.

    Scientists just need to get laid more.

  17. @Marilove- “we only have sex to get our way”

    Well, I have to say that that one, at least, is accurate in my case. Generally, though, having sex IS getting my way. Doing sexy things in a sexy context in order to facilitate sexy happenings totally = manipulation. Absolutely.

  18. Definitions of the word “manipulate” and discussions of better wording aside, they clearly define that what they mean is: woman does it to get stuff from partner such as resources. So it’s not so much the negative connotation that’s ridiculous, so much as it’s the huge assumption from inadequate data. Do women who make more noises get more partner resources? How would you measure that? Are there intentions clear just because a certain pattern became apparent? How can we assume what the pattern means without other supporting data? Etc.

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