I’m already running out of things to say to the apples, guys. Help a sista out in the comments, here or on YouTube!
Day 2 (Yesterday)
Day 3 (Today)
Transcripts to follow!
Day 2 Transcript (Thanks to Marilove!):
So here we are, day two of the apple experiment, and as promised I will be recording exactly what I am saying to the apples, as I want this entire process to be open.
And, on that note, I’ve received a few very helpful comments from people. This is kind of like the peer-review process, where people suggest additional controls that I can put on the experiment so that I can make sure it is as well done and scientific as possible.
One of those controls is that I sterilize the knife next time because if there’s microbe on half the knife, then that can get on half the apple, but then not the other half. Had I not eaten one of the quarters, I could have held that back as a control, and microbes from the knife wouldn’t have been as a big of a deal. But since I didn’t … I was very hungry … damn you peanut butter! Yeah, that’s an additional control that might need to be put into place next time.
And there will be a next time! At the end of this week, I’m going to do the experiment again, with all the controls you guys suggest.
So that’s one. Another person suggested that I speak to the apples out of the line of hearing of the other apples. I’m not sure how sensitive apple’s ears are, but I’m going to take this into consideration and privately convey my emotions to each of the apples.
So, thanks for that.
Another one came from a believer on Nicky’s facebook page. A believer suggested that having mustaches instead of love and hate might be a bit of a problem, in that it’s too fun, so that even the hate apple, despite being lambasted every day, might still be in a good mood, because it’s got a comedy mustache on it.
I will address that. in the next study I do, there will be no mustaches. That said, i really did take this into account. Because, as you can see, on the jars, the “hate apple” has a villain mustache.
Here, take a look:
[on hate apple]: If that’s not the mustache of a villain, I don’t know what. [on love apple]: And I think that is is like a hero mustache. That’s the type of mustache a sheriff might have, for instance. [on apple of indifference]: And the neutral mustache, I just see as an old man, maybe a kindly old gentleman who you don’t really pay much attention to.So, I did consider that when choosing the mustaches. But, I’ll take this into consideration, and next time around, no mustaches.
(Camera goes into next room, with the hate apple)
Ok, I’m in the next room now, where the other apples hopefully can’t hear me. so here we go.
[Starts talking to the hate apple] “Hate apple, there is no easy way to see this, but frankly, you’re fat. I would suggest that you do a bit more dehydrating before being seen in public.” [To the love apple] “Hey love apple. Baby, you lookin’ so fine today. I would totally hit that. Also, I just want to say that for an apple, you seem remarkably intelligent. I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s just the look in your skin. Yeah, mega hot. Love you babe.” [To the apple of indifference] “Meh.”That’s it for day two. Thanks to everyone for your suggestions, please keep them coming, and I look forward to seeing your own experiments and now they turn out.
+++
Day 3 Transcript TK
I’m really enjoying these. After this pilot study, it might be fun to put together a commonly-agreed-upon set of protocols and standards, and do a semi-organized massive Skepchick-wide Apple Experiment. Come to think of it, that could be a cool regular feature: simple experiments like this we all can do together.
As an aside, I really enjoyed watching the Day 2 video with YouTube’s auto-transcribe feature. it wasn’t even CLOSE to accurate, and there were many lawls.
I think the best part of your experiment is that you get to come up with creative insults and compliments for apples every day. By the end of this experiment, I have a feeling you’re going to end up saying some funny shit.
Since, according to that Japanese guy who originally did the water stuff, it’s the thought behind the words that change the water, does that mean that if you satirically call the apple nasty names you get satire water instead of hate water?
Maybe we could branch out the experiments to include some other fruits?
Pears, Bananas, Grapes?
I think you should tell the hate apple how much of a disappointment it is. It needs to know it’ll never live up to the deliciousness of the 4th quarter.
Gladys Knight has Pips.
Apples ALSO have Pips.
Gladys Knight therefore = Apples?
Your tiredness shows, which seems to have affected your affection towards the love apple. In other words, you weren’t as cheery as you were on day 2. Perhaps you could employ a research assistant on those days when you’re not as cheerful?
This brings up a couple of variations on the experiment. It might be interesting to set up a couple of booths, one with a hate apple and one with a love apple and invite outsiders who are genuinely in bad or good moods go into the respective booth and vent hate/love.
Uh oh, I’m wondering if the Mythbusters are going to steal this idea. (of course if they do, I’d go squee if they just mentioned that it came from me.)
@chrisb: Ah crap I can’t believe I still haven’t stolen that from you!
@Elles the Vampire Slayer: Yes, but I think that sarcasm could be said to rot people’s cores, so it should still have the same effect on apples.
Perhaps on the love apple you could trim the mustache back so it more closely resembles Wesley’s mustache from The Princess Bride. He after all understands true love.
Oh and your glasses rock. Seriously, some of the coolest I’ve seen
First time commenter,
Not to be a pain in the ass, but shouldn’t you have done this on a slightly larger scale, and randomized the apple pieces before putting them into the bins to account for things like sterility of the containers, knife, cutting board, container location, temperature, light, etc?
I love this! That is all.
Orange you glad you didn’t try bananas? :-)
The suspense is killing me. I think I peed a little.
I tend to pull out “you are the standard by which I judge all others!” when people ask me to judge or comment on something silly. It never fails to perk them up.
The mustache of a villain? A villain? Sheer madness.
I absolutely love the reaction in YouTube comments. Great fun.
Awesome. I doubt it would have much effect, but you should also handle the containers “equally,” to avoid bruising one piece more than another due to shaking one container more than another (I notice that you handle the control apple a little less than the others, at least on camera). Maybe take care to keep them level and move them slowly.
Also, please be careful when you open the jars! Get some ventilation.
also a first time commenter,
Another possible constant is to try and keep the word count between the apple slices the same. Perhaps apples just like being talked to. I tend to say more when when i want to be nice and use less (but more vile words) when i am being mean. And to keep it the same and indifferent with the control apple perhaps read it a set number of words from a book.
I love this SO much. The Scoutgrrrl and I may just do a replication of this soon.
Oh, it’s just… so great!
@Rebecca
Did the idea cross your mind that you could actually write up a small scientific study based on this process and submit it to a scientific journal? It doesn’t have to be based solely on these three apples, you could use more apples next time and do a meta-study :)
If you employ a few equations to hide the insanity, it might actually get published, I’ve seen things weirder than this get published (granted most of those studies included the word ‘God’ at some point, but still…).
I hope you’re planning to dispose of the apples properly after your experiment. I would hate to think of the ‘hate’ apple getting out into society and running amok. We’ve all read stories about the results of scientific experiments escaping and causing havok- I’m sure we’ve all seen the documentry ’28 days later’ where a hate-filled chimp is let out of it’s cage and infects the whole UK with a rage virus.
What steps are you taking to stop your ‘hate’ apple from attacking people and turning them into zombies? Have you even considered this? I doubt it- you make me sick.
If you’re not above ruthless psychological manipulation for the sake of the experiment, how about playing the apples against each other? You could praise the love apple right in front of the other, tell it that it’s much better and reassure it that it’ll always be your favorite. Then criticize the hate apple and ask it why it can’t be more like its sibling slice. This would also remove the need to adress them separately.
I’m telling you; Apples are evil. They caused the fall of humankind. They keep well meaning doctors away. They’re red (the color of evil). Those apples know what’s going on, and the love apple is rotting itself out of pure spite.
You should tell the hate apple that you have compared it to an orange, and it doesn’t measure up.
I wonder if fear would work. Try leaving a knife out in front of the apple or even better, peel another apple in front of it and tell it that it’s next.
Pull out its pips and crush them in front of its stupid crying fruit face.
Twist off its stem, counting each twist and then tell it that thats how many hours left it has before you feed it to a rabid monkey. Then leave it in a room with no windows or clock so it has no perspective of time until its reduced to a shivering puddle of preserve.
I’ll do the transcript for video #2 when I get home tonight.
But these are awesome and you are hilarious.
I’m not sure about the villain moustache – it looks more like Poirot’s moustache to me. This could cause problems if the hate apple is an Agatha Christie fan.
Perhaps a Fu Manchu would work better?
hmmm…
Buy three stethoscopes and glue the ear pieces to the jars. Put a plastic cup around the large part that is used to pick up sounds. This might help keep your word vibes from unintentionally affecting the other specimens without having to physically move the containers, which should reduce the amount of bruising that takes place when you pick up the containers as you do now.
It occurs to me that there could be a potential problem with the indifference apple, (and perhaps the others as well). We’re not taking into consideration the original state of the apple/apple slices. What if the indifference apple has always been a bit of a loner who prefers to be ignored? This would, to some extent, cause happiness in said fruit, thus skewing the results.
At the very least, I think this point should be raised in the accompanying paper.
I think my favorite thing uttered in the history of ever is, “damn you peanut butter”. This experiment does make me wonder how many fanboys REALLY enjoyed hearing Rebecca talk “dirty” to the love apple, personally it kind of creeped me out lol
hate apple suggestions, you should drink apple juice, or eat apple sauce and yell “YOUR NEXT!!!”, you could also call him/her a freshman lol, “Get aids and die slow” or “I’m going to feed you to the birds, you’re going to be bird shit, you’re bird shit to me”
Good Apple suggestions, “I’m leaving my husband for you” “You’re cooler than Billy Dee Williams”, You may want to blow a kiss at it, given that if apples can hear, they can also see
Indifferent apple suggestions, “Hello” “How’s the weather in there?” and “Sup?”
One more control that comes to mind: amount of time spent expression each emotion. You seem to spend more time on the love apple than the hate apple (and far more than the indifferent apple).
If the apple pieces aren’t aware of what you say to the other pieces, they might think you are expressing the same emotion, and thus the hate apple thinks “you don’t like me, but you really don’t like the love apple, as you spend more time berating it, so I feel pretty good”.
Okay, yeah, complete BS, but still, the control of the same time and emotional level per apple piece could be considered.
hey hey! I think this is hilarious! You should really increase the anger though towards the hate apple… and maybe make sure that you are speaking for an equal amount of time to each apple slice.
Also, each apple slice may be affected by outside noises- I see you keep them in jars in your kitchen, so if your kitchen if filled with happy sounds it may cancel out your “hate” and “neutral” speech. Thus it may be worthwhile to store them in a silent location.
Also, can we organize an English skepchick meetup?
This reminds me of the “Toaster experiment” from Ghost Busters 2. The fact that someone took a science lesson from a movie where the statue of liberty is animated by a Nintendo controller is sad.