Skepticism

The Curious Case of Robert “Sparkle-Tits” Pattinson and the Spooky Vaginae

Details is not known for being a particularly woman friendly publication.  But, unless they’ve misquoted him, Details cannot take the blame for Robert Pattinson’s odd admissions in a recent interview. I’ll save those of you non masochists out there the trouble of wading through the 6 or so pages of pretentious drivel and highlight the main point of contention:

“I really hate vaginas. I’m allergic to vagina. But I can’t say I had no idea, because it was a 12-hour shoot, so you kind of get the picture that these women are going to stay naked after, like, five or six hours. But I wasn’t exactly prepared. I had no idea what to say to these girls. Thank God I was hungover.”

Okay, it’s entirely possible that this was somehow an out of context snippet, based on how awkwardly it sits in this stew of narcissistic bullshit (which essentially amounts to OMG he’s soooo deeeeep which strikes me as a very odd tone for a stereotypical men’s magazine), but I can’t see how those words could be contextualized into anything even close to an appropriate statement.

It’s a very odd thing for an ostensibly straight teen idol to say. A very insidious thing, as well, given his fan base. Based on my experience, physically and socially, and my general understanding of male heterosexuality, men who love women also LOVE vaginas. This seemed like common sense to me, but just in case, I asked Twitter. This (albeit not at all scientific) survey revealed that my understanding appeared to be correct, and also that many of these vagina loving straight dudes believe that vagina hatred in a dude is definitely indicative of gayness. I’m not so sure that’s ironclad, but I think it’s one of a few possibilities:

1. Sparkle Tits is indeed sparkly and prefers the company of men.

2. Perhaps Pattinson ranks among the asexual population. I’d be curious to hear what any of our asexual readers have to say on the matter.

3. Maybe he doesn’t actually hate vaginas, but he’s saying he does in order to cultivate a douche-y public persona so the tween girls will stop chasing him.

Regardless of the reason, here’s my problem. I don’t care if you’re not into chicks. Fair enough. But don’t portray yourself as a straight guy and then make all of your tween followers feel bad about their bodies because you find the female sex disgusting. That’s just lame. Girls have enough cultural baggage working against them when it comes to body image without this kind of bullshit.

And if option number 3 is really what’s behind it, well, I hope Mr. Pattinson gets his wish and everyone stops caring entirely what he does. If he thinks it’s tough being a rich and famous teen sex symbol, just wait till he tries his hand at being a has-been. Methinks this self-obsessed, pretentious asshat might find it a bit less than sparkly.

P.S. To all you girls out there who haven’t been with a real, decent, normal guy, here’s a secret: A normal, heterosexual or bisexual dude doesn’t think your vagina is gross. He fucking loves it. He loves the smell of it, and the taste of it, and he wants to play with it and stick his face in it and revel in its beauty. He wants to give you pleasure.

Also? Most normal, decent, hetero men (at least all of the ones I’ve ever encountered) find many different female body types attractive, whether you’re size 0 and flat chested, sport nice big voluptuous curves, or fall somewhere in the middle. In fact, most guys I know prefer a real, normal woman (of any size) to the cartoon women that are idealized by pop culture (size 0 with DD breasts).

Of course, in an ideal world, a woman’s confidence would never rest on a man’s opinion, but, let’s face it, for many young women, men continue to be the measuring stick (sorry :D). Having an accurate understanding of what men actually find attractive can help break out of perceived societal expectations around female beauty.

This isn’t something most of us are taught; and unfortunately, too few of us figure it out for ourselves, and too many women continue to feel ugly or inadequate because of it. My advice? Rock out with your sexy self, and ignore vacuous sparkly movie stars. Confidence is sexy. Find it. You are beautiful, and you should know it.

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50 Comments

  1. What a weirdo. One would think that an actor concerned with his image would avoid drinking heavily during an interview. Unless, like you said, he is trying to make people dislike him.

    One of the comments on the article mentions that Pattinson has apparently admitted to being celibate before. I have no idea if that’s true, but this would lead me to lean toward “asexual”.

  2. Is this thing working? *tap* *tap*

    Ok, so assuming I’m all set up properly and everything, gotta say – agreed wholeheartedly with everything you just posted. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I read that article. My thoughts:

    – If he’s gay: what a ridiculous way to “come out”.

    – Asexual, gay, “straight-but-tired-of-tween-stalkers”, or whatever: Not a smart move. As an “entertainer” (worst actor I’ve ever seen, whatever), his personal “brand” IS something he should be concerned about. Not like he should pound his chest and loudly declare his everlasting love for poon at the top of his lungs (especially if he IS gay!) … but why on earth would he want to alienate those that are pretty much responsible for where he is now? That is, young girls.

    I’m definitely not what many would consider feminist, and I certainly don’t go looking to take offense at perceived sexism… but I AM disturbed with the amount of misogyny I’ve been seeing in the media lately. Vagophobia, Superbowl ads.. wow. I have no idea wtf is wrong with people lately.

    And really, male celebs need to stop talking about reproductive anatomy altogether. I don’t need to read about how one is afraid of vag, or how another has a “white supremacist penis”. WTF.

  3. I don’t regard celebrity claims of celibacy as reliable information.

    My Hypotheses (in order of likelihood) :
    A: Dude’s as straight as they come, likes as much sex as he can get, and the “I’m celibate/I don’t like the pussy” line is bullshit his publicist told him to say because it will enhance is image.

    B: Dude’s gay, And the “I’m straight, I’m just waiting for the right girl so I can gaze into her soul rather than have sex with her” line is bullshit his publicist told him to say because the publicist is Mormon/not aware that it is no longer 1962 and thinks that coming out will hurt his career.

    C: Dude said something much worse (take his statement and substitute the ‘C’ word for vaginas) and magazine bowdlerized it to what was printed.

  4. based on the article, me thinks he wants to play for Team Jacob and make some Sparkles-On-Abs lovin’ (aka, an angsty “you imprinted yourself on my newborn baby!” sort of douchebaggery sex).

  5. You know, Nick… you may be on to something. I didn’t even consider the Mormon connection.

    His character in the Twilight movies has really skewed the way a lot of young women look at “the ideal guy”. Dark, brooding, stalker, throws his “love” interest through glass… why not add a hatred of vagina in there?

  6. A couple of months ago I heard about an interview where he said that he couldn’t get a date and I remember thinking “yeah, whatever dude.” That seems a little more probable now.

    What a douche (and by that I mean totally worthless and probably harmfull to women)

  7. This is the same sparkletits from that movie where he actually does behave like an ass and the girl still follows him around like a lovesick puppy, right?

    Your twitterpoll wasn’t as representative as you’d like perhaps. I’ve heard plenty of sentiment from fellow males that were less than complimentary to vaginas, although more particularly the smell or taste rather than the look. Not in general, but still, there are ways to fuck up our general love of pussy.

    Still, in the context of a photo shoot, where I don’t imagine him being shoved in sweaty crotches, I can’t defend any of his statements.

  8. I’m out of the loop, I guess, because I have no idea who this guy is.

    But I wanted to cheer you for the bit about what normal, nice, hetero men think about vaginas and the rest of female bodies. There are a lot of guys out there who really do worship the female form in all of its varieties and do so in a non-sexist, non-icky way, but because they’re not sexist they don’t advertise it and shout it from the rooftops. That makes them hard to find, but trust me, they’re out there.

    One of those Revenge of the Nerd movies had a bit where a girl was so impressed at a nerd’s lovemaking skills and he said something to the effect of, “Jocks think about sports all the time, but nerds think about sex all the time.” In my anecdotal experience, it’s true.

    Girls/ladies: find yourselves a nice, sweet nerd. They will do whatever makes you happy and be happy doing it. They will treat you like a goddess, and if you happen to find Monty Python and Futurama funny, you will be forever exalted in their eyes. They will totally love your vagina and every other inch of you, and if they lack experience, that’s just an opportunity for you to train them on how you like stuff to be done.

    Do yourselves a favour: boink a nerd!

  9. I’m a gay male and I love vaginas. They’re beautiful and powerful and sexy things. I just happen to prefer the owner of the analog as the template for my primary romantic and sexual interaction. Don’t automatically point out my people. I have nothing to say for vagina-phobic phonies. Hatred of women is one of the key features of the forces of darkness, no matter what their origin or culture.

  10. @MacarthurSoup: i had hoped to get this response from a gay reader, actually. thank you. having said that, i have known several gay men who’ve made a huge deal about how gross girls are, but then again, they were the sort that tended to make high drama out of just about anything.
    as with any population, i’m sure there is a wide range of opinions.

  11. @kimberlychapman:

    One of those Revenge of the Nerd movies had a bit where a girl was so impressed at a nerd’s lovemaking skills and he said something to the effect of, “Jocks think about sports all the time, but nerds think about sex all the time.” In my anecdotal experience, it’s true.

    Well, as a geek and nerd who thinks about sex all the time, I guess I’m evidence for your claim. Your advice to women and girls to “boink a nerd” reminds me of this page.

  12. Ugh. Aren’t his 15 minutes up, yet?

    I suspect that he was trying to be sarcastic and failed to back it up.

    If nothing else, I hope Pattinson’s thoughtless anti-vag sentiments spark publicly stated vag-loving rebuttals from other entertainers.

  13. Vagina inside. Vulva outside. You’re not going to see a vagina without a speculum. Doesn’t anyone learn anatomy any more?!

    I agree with everything you said. I find a great many women attractive of many different “types”. The thing I find least attractive is a lack of confidence. What I have a hard time wrapping my brain around is that anyone would ever find me attractive. How’s that for a catch-22?

  14. Actually I’m thinking that this might be his pathetic attempt to connect with his teen girl fanbase, the ones who probably would claim to hate vaginas too, especially their own.

    In modern western culture, it often feels like the vulva gets slammed a lot (that’s what she said. sorry.), you know? Like, remember when Britney Spears was photographed getting out of the car wearing no underpants, and how truly angry and disgusted everyone was, how dare she flash that gross piece of junk? Yet how many “nip slips” has she had that never made the news? Or consider advertisements for sanitary pads… the liquid used in demonstration is blue, nowhere near the color of blood. Or hell, the rising popularity of cosmetic labiaplasty!
    Breasts seem to be considered far less harmless and thus far more sexualized than vulvas, which are still regarded as kind of gross.
    So maybe he likes to use them, maybe he doesn’t, but this reads to me like an attempt to be hip, edgy, and in control of the status of his masculinity, by way of reinforcing the cultural disdain for female genitals.

    I noticed he also referred to the women as girls. I assume they’re women rather than female children…

    What an odd thing for anyone to say. Thanks for this.

  15. @davew: yes, yes, dave, we do understand this…but just as male genitalia is referred to colloquially as “the penis” (rather than the glans, testes, urethra, etc), the collective female genitalia has come to be known, colloquially, as “the vagina”. yes, it’s technically incorrect, but it’s a common enough usage that people understand what you mean, even if you don’t refer to the clitoris, vaginal canal, urethra, labia minorum and majorum, etc…

    as for the second bit of your question, well, all i can tell you is that there is some reason women you’ve found attractive in the past have found you attractive as well. i doubt they were dating you out of charity. even if you can’t see what they see, it should be clear to you that they see something they like.

  16. @davew: You know, I had this beef when our daughter was old enough to start naming parts of her body. So many parents these days freak out if you let your kid use non-clinical words for genitals, but I think it’s stupid to teach a girl toddler to wipe her vagina, because, um, OW. Do not shove toilet paper up there!

    So we had her say “bits”, which referred to the entire area that might require wiping…labia, anus, butt cheeks, etc. She knows boys have a penis and girls have a vagina, but she wipes her bits. Good ’nuff for us.

  17. @JerryM: Full disclosure: I’m a gay man who is not in the “vaginas = gross” category.

    I’m afraid I disagree with the conclusions. I’ve met several straight-identified guys who have expressed sentiments like JerryM and some even more extreme. I’ve had straight guys basically say that the only reason they tolerate (their word) vaginas is because they’re attached to women, and they like women.

    Not having owned a vagina, I have no idea what they are like, but I am uncircumcised, and I know that some steps do need to be taken from time to time to keep things bright and shiny. I can only imagine that a vagina requires at least as much maintenance.

    So yes, while it seems plausible that a majority of straight men are pro-vagina, saying if one isn’t that he’s either gay, asexual, or trying to repel women doesn’t seem fair or very in keeping with the skeptical spirit. Ditto for the whole “real women have curves” sentiment.

    Since when is everyone a physical tabula rasa? Some people have looks that appeal to a broader range than others do. Some people really do have a preference for young-looking or skinny people. Sure, everyone deserves to feel sexual and happy and liberated, but one shouldn’t have to suspend disbelief to do so.

    One last thought: though horrific, there are cultures that perform female genital cutting/mutilation. If it is true that straight men universally like female genitals, wouldn’t this dramatically lower the sexual appeal of future wives? You might answer “that’s the point; they hate their own sexuality,” but then I’d point out that they don’t do the same to breasts, which are far more prominently positioned and, anecdotally, more universally appreciated. You can say that practitioners of female circumcision are monstrous, and I’d agree, but that’s not the same as being straight, asexual, or trying to appear douchey.

  18. @Paideuma:
    you seem to have misread the tone and content of what i’ve written in a number of ways.

    saying if one isn’t that he’s either gay, asexual, or trying to repel women doesn’t seem fair or very in keeping with the skeptical spirit. Ditto for the whole “real women have curves” sentiment.

    well, i listed 3 possibilities that seemed to me most logical based on the limited information i had…obviously there are other possible answers, which is what this comment thread is for :)

    also, where in my post did i say “real women have curves”? you’ll find i didn’t. what i said was that real women come in all shapes and sizes, from skinny to fat, and that generally speaking, most straight men i know prefer a real woman (of any size) to a woman who looks like a bony 12 year old boy with giant tits. yes, of course different men are attracted to different body types/ages/etc; i wasn’t implying that every man is attracted to every woman, but was suggesting that on average, there’s something for everyone, taste-wise, and if you feel confident enough to put yourself out there, it is likely you will find someone who is interested in you.

    as to the vag-phobic straight guys out there, well, i’d say that they are a product of a misogynistic culture (which is also what produces female genital mutilation, in its extremes) and this socialization has overtaken their natural love of the poon. this is conjecture, of course, but it seems perfectly logical to me.

    vulva hatred on the part of hetero males looks like a control thing to me. a man doesn’t like feeling like a slave to the pussy, so he calls it unclean; making women feel ashamed of it, or sews it up; trying to remove what has been for much of human history a woman’s only power.

    so i guess what i am suggesting is that this doesn’t seem at all natural or healthy to me and perhaps your pussy hating hetero male friends should examine exactly why they feel the way they do.

  19. I must agree with carr2d2 that hetero-vulva aversion is a product of misogyny and not a normal aspect of male heterosexuality, it may even be a manifestation if homophobia.

    To wit: If Straight Guy Who Doesn’t Like Female Genitalia (hereafter referred to as “Asshole”) admits he actually likes the pussy, he may be asked to perform cunnilingus at some point. Now Asshole doesn’t really mind cunnilingus per se, but it is awfully similar to fellatio. And Asshole would NEVER perform fellatio, that’s something that only fags and bitches do! Now as a bi-sexual male who enjoys performing both fellatio and cunnilingus, as well as receiving fellatio from either sex, I don’t understand Asshole’s point of view, but I can see how someone who isn’t mature enough to be comfortable with whatever sexual tendencies he may have, can come to this conclusion.

    And it may be a spillover effect from the cultural misogyny that women and girls go through regarding female genitals. Our culture sends so many mixed messages regarding female sexuality that it is not unreasonable to conclude that young men may get as screwed up in their thinking about the vagina as young women. Combine that with the creepy abstinence only/purity ring crowd, and it isn’t hard to see a situation in which a confused young man may think it is not socially acceptable for him to admit that he is turned on by the female form.

  20. Vaginas are like alien mouthparts. Awesome alien mouthparts. I can’t conceive of a straight male who doesn’t like the looks of these things. They are so much fun to look at, especially if the owner lets you make them talk. Ahum.

    How much we straight men love the smell and taste depends I think secondarily on recentness of shower, but primarily on arousedness of the male. There’s a German joke which doesn’t translate well due to a pun in it, but basically what it says is that Vikings all had red beards, especially once a month.

    Thing is, these little freaky alien mouthparts are stupidly powerful. We get exposed to one of them, and bang! Some switch deep in our animal brain is flipped and something deeply enjoyable happens. My guess is, some adolescent minds haven’t quite embraced the awesomeness of this deeply enjoyable thing and still instinctively suppose it’s dirty. It would make some retarded kind of sense, then, to claim the opposite is happening. After all, if vaginas gross you out, you must be chaste and perfect. Right? Sparkly clean, so to speak.

  21. I’m not sure it means he’s quite such an arse as people are making out. Hell, even the great Stephen Fry has quite frequently (particularly in his autobiography) expressed a general disgust at all genitalia, whether male or female, and spent quite a while celibate as a result.

    He’s probably just a bit confused, and to throw down absolutist statements about his abnormality and adduce from that interview that he’s a misogynist seems a wee bit unskeptical. Okay, it’s unusual. It doesn’t mean he wants to dominate women, or fears them; unless women are defined by their vaginas.

    AND.

    He was probably joking. There’s a joke in the UK, I’m not sure if it’s about in the U.S.: I’m allergic to vaginas … they make me swell up. Not particularly funny, but he probably meant that. Especially considering the “thank god I was inebriated” quote straight after, that otherwise makes little sense (i.e. thank god I’m unable to get an erection; not something you’d really want in a photoshoot).

    “I’ll save you the trouble of wading through the 6 or so pages of pretentious drivel and highlight the main point of contention…” Or maybe we could read the context ourselves? And then work out what might – just might – be going on, rather than jumping to unsupported, unfuckingskeptical conclusions. This post, and the comments, even if my interpretation of his remarks are wrong, is about the most uncritical, unthinking thing I’ve read all week. And I love this blog :(

  22. @Nick Morgan:

    And the “I’m straight, I’m just waiting for the right girl so I can gaze into her soul rather than have sex with her” line is bullshit his publicist told him to say because the publicist is Mormon/not aware that it is no longer 1962 and thinks that coming out will hurt his career.

    That’s not what Pattinson has been quoted to have said in the interview anyway, but this actually brings up a point with regards to asexuality.

    While it makes sense to suspect that something a celebrity says might be made up by a publicist, would you believe it if someone who isn’t under the same condition said “I’m just waiting for the right girl so I can gaze into her soul rather than have sex with her”?

    Whether you would believe it or not, there are people who wouldn’t. And yet, it would actually be plausible for a romantic asexual. There are people who don’t believe that a person can be asexual, and then there are people who conflate “asexual” and “aromantic”. Some asexual people do desire romantic relationships even though they do not experience sexual attraction.

    As for what Pattinson was actually quoted to have said, according to the posts on AVEN, there are some asexuals who are repulsed by genitalia (of both male and female) and might agree with Pattinson’s comment, but there are also many asexuals who are not repulsed. (I’m asexual, and I don’t hate vaginas, nor any other body part for that matter.) Also, as other people have already pointed out, there are straight men who hate vaginas too, and gay men who don’t.

    This leads into the topic of people speculating whether someone is asexual or not. There has been many threads on AVEN where people have suggested that various famous people might be asexual, and there are also lists on other sites. This kind of speculation tends to be controversial for various reasons, such as that not all people who do not experience sexual attraction self-identify as asexual. (This post discusses in more detail the problems with labelling famous people as asexual.)

  23. @The MoUsY spell-checker: I read the post as tongue-in-cheek with a serious and too often overlooked point: society and the media teach young girls that they are gross, that their sexuality is shameful and sex is for the pleasure of men. For whatever reason, it seems this misogyny has been running rampant lately. Even more infuriating is that when I point that out in mixed company (ex. super bowl ads at a super bowl party), I’m considered a feminazi who is overreacting.

    Sparkle tits’ sexuality is a moot point- there’s no chance I’m sleeping with him whatever it is. What matters is the way he’s promoting an anti-women sentiment.

  24. Okay, on a less sarcastic note.

    I went back and scanned through the interview – there was a link on the “girls” part of the quote. It led to the associated photoshoot where the first picture is of him with his head framed by a scantily-clad young woman’s legs. Other subsequent pictures are of what we can assume are the same young women with even less clothing or none at all in some sort of stylized, “we fantasize about Robert Pattinson and touch ourselves” photo shoot.

    Straight guys like vagina. But I’ve heard actors state before that filming loves scenes is actually not at all sexy because of the twenty billion people behind the camera telling you exactly how to pose. Creating a sexy image is, in fact, difficult work.

    And considering the media scrutiny this kid is under, I would think that at a shoot like that, he’s in a weird place. He can visibly ogle, and then some tabloid will hear about how he did nothing but ogle these poor professional models and how will Whats-Her-Face take it? Or he can try to avoid staring and after a 12 hour shoot, and get really tired of not staring.

    I don’t know or care whether or not Pattinson is straight. I think he does hate the constant scrutiny and hasn’t learned how to gracefully fuck with the media (like George Clooney and Brad Pitt).

    Edited to add:

    @CSwede:

    Never heard that joke. That does make sense. But I still think he needs to spend some time at the Pitt/Clooney Media Charm School.

  25. I’ve always gotten the feeling that he kind of hates Twilight. Have you seen or read some of his other comments? Some of them are quite obviously sarcastic or ironic.

    I really have no idea if he’s gay or not. I do think these comments were supposed to be sarcastic and/or ironic, like his many other comments on Twilight. I really think he thinks the whole franchise is ridiculous.

    However, that doesn’t make what he said any less misogynist or problematic, especially considering it’s pretty clear he thinks his female followers are idiots. He really has no respect for his fans.

    As for straight guys who slam vaginas and women in general? They may be straight, they may be sexually attracted to women, but they hate women. This is not uncommon.

    “I am straight and fuck women, but think vaginas are nasty. I hate women.” is a pretty common theme among misogynists.

    Remember that guy who went on a shooting spree in a gym in California? He was straight, but couldn’t get a date because he was a fucking creep. I’m sure a similar sentiment came from him at some point (“Ewww, vaginas are so nasty and dirty!”).

    Just because you’re straight and attracted to women does NOT mean you love women or their vulvas/vaginas.

    Trust me. I dated one of these guys when I was 19/20. He was/is straight, but clearly hated women, and constantly made remarks about my body, including my vagina. He was one of those creeps who DEMANDED I shave completely, because otherwise it was “Nasty and dirty”.

    Also, I suspect a lot of these men who claim to hate pussy probably don’t. For a lot of men, they can’t admit that they actually like pussy, for fear that they will seem weak. I feel sorry for these guys, because they are clearly uncomfortable with their own sexuality. They are exactly like the men who overcompensate and can’t stop talking about how much they love pussy, and how much pussy they’ve conquered (even if they haven’t conquered any): Uncomfortable with their sexuality, afraid to be seen as weak, either by overcompensating their straightness (“I LOVE PUSSY, I promise, I’m STRAIGHT!”), or by pretending they aren’t a slave to their sexuality (“I don’t need pussy! I’m a MAN!”).

    Women aren’t the only ones who are uncomfortable with their sexuality.

  26. @marilove: Yup. The “He hates Twilight” thing was one of the comments I was looking for as I read through the thread. I had this conversation yesterday with regard to SparkleTits’ antics/comments. I half-heartedly believe he hates the books/movies, and I think I read a quote where he says that he hates his character.
    Of course this doesn’t excuse his comments.
    [email protected]Chasmosaur: says, if he wants to be subversive, he needs to go to the Learning Annex and take a fucking class.
    And as for Carr2D2’s “P.S.” paragraph? Yes! A thousand times yes.

  27. Yes, Details is a “men’s magazine”, but it has a decidedly gay editorial slant. And we’re talking snarky, woman-hating, ’80s gay.

    It’s likely this was a joke taken literally.

    None of this, however, makes Robert Pattinson’s face any less punchable.

  28. I dunno, but the way I read it, he’s a Brit, and uncomfortable with/embarrassed about the blatant nudity while he was working, rather than actual vagina-hate. As a Brit myself I can sympathise if he was like ‘ooh, naked ladies, where do I look without seeming a lech?’

    But even if that was his intention – and I may be totally wrong – his choice of words for the interview were atrocious. All that pretty hair and no braincells. :D

  29. While I was in college, one of my best friends was a gay man. I also had several other gay male friends during that time. As far I know, none of them were repulsed by vaginas. My best friend wasn’t attracted to vaginas, but he didn’t hate them either. He was basically indifferent toward them, the way I am toward all but my own. If Pattinson is gay, he’s certainly different than at least some other gay men on this issue.

    I’ve never closely known any asexual people, but I would imagine that they’re also more indifferent than hateful of genitals. In fact, the only people I’ve known to be actively hateful of genitals are religious fundies or people who have really messed up views of sex (those two groups have plenty of overlap). I don’t really know what Pattinson’s problem is here. My guess is that he’s just a complete, raving misogynist.

  30. @carr2d2:

    what has been for much of human history a woman’s only power.

    Actually, I think you hit the nail on the head with this one, and I wish I had thought of it first. As explained in my previous post, it’s not likely that Pattinson is gay or asexual. I think that he doesn’t care about vaginas specifically, but the power they can have over him. Since he presumably enjoys sex with women, he’s probably resentful that he would be willing to do almost anything to have sex, and he sees his own weakness as a vagina having power over him. He’s probably afraid that women and their vaginas will take advantage of him because of his temptation.

  31. @CSwede:

    There’s a joke in the UK, I’m not sure if it’s about in the U.S.: I’m allergic to vaginas … they make me swell up.

    Yep. That joke is about in the US. I heard it for the first time when I was in junior high school. And when I sat down with my morning coffee today and read the “I’m allergic to vagina” line quoted in Carrie’s post, I actually thought the punchline was just a sentence or two away.

    @Nick Morgan:

    To wit: If Straight Guy Who Doesn’t Like Female Genitalia (hereafter referred to as “Asshole”) admits he actually likes the pussy, he may be asked to perform cunnilingus at some point. Now Asshole doesn’t really mind cunnilingus per se, but it is awfully similar to fellatio. And Asshole would NEVER perform fellatio, that’s something that only fags and bitches do!

    Wow! That is one hell of a stretch right there. I think you reached the end of the Internet with that one.

  32. Hetero male here. I guess for me it’s a case by case basis. Like a face or any other part of the body I may not may not be visually attracted to the part. But of course I’m pro vagina. Go ‘Ginas! The Fightin’ ‘Ginas!

    Pattinson (had to google him to know who we were talking about) is a douche nozzle (which may explain his vag. hatred) in general, which is why I generally ignore him.

  33. I think most of his fans are actually fans of Edward rather than Pattinson himself. I feel the same way about Aragorn (from that movie) but I really have no desire for the actor who plays him. As far as I can tell, there’s nothing about Pattinson that would make anyone a fan of his. He’s got no talent and no personality and apparently no couth. He just (un)lucked out in a popular part.

    I’m also pretty sure he hates being locked into this role. He likely signed on thinking it was a one-time nothing part, and then BAM! 800 billion teenage girls are screaming for him and the storyline SUCKS. Pun intended.

  34. Sparkle Tits has the best gig ever. He openly insults Smeyer and he can get away with it every single time. Part of me wants to buy him a beer out of admiration and out of sorrow. He also has to put up with such a strange fanbase in the process.

  35. @Sean:

    I’m with you on that. He’s probably the only 20-something male on the planet that can actually get away with insulting Twilight and “Smeyer”

    Like I said @here, he’s overexposed to vagina. What other weird-ass fan base is going to put his mouth in the crotch of panties?

  36. I’d like to provide a slightly different perspective. As our fearless blogger pointed out:

    A normal, heterosexual or bisexual dude doesn’t think your vagina is gross. He fucking loves it.

    I agree completely.

    The point with which I beg to differ is that this automatically makes Pattinson gay or asexual. In my opinion, that’s over-analysis. It could simply mean he’s a straight JERK.

    There are plenty of straight guys out there who love nothing more than to speak of the vagina in locker-room terms because of the perceived power women hold over them. They’re insecure twerps, but they’re straight as the day is long.

    So his comments could have come from a combination of ignorance, contempt, and good-ol’ misogyny (a word I don’t like to overuse, I might add).

    Whatever his excuse, I hope he suffers a tragic accident in which he gets struck in the nuts, preferably with TMZ cameras rolling.

  37. I must admit, when I read the headline for this article in Google Reader just now, my first thought was “Who the fark is Robert Pattison, and why would I know him. It was only when I read further down the article that I realised he was the guy from “Twilight”.

    Does this make me a) lame or b) fortunate? ;)

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