Afternoon InquisitionSkepticism

AI: Hollywood is Out of Ideas

Wednesday’s AI comes to us courtesy of last week’s COTW winner. Take it away, jynnan_tonnyx!

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There’s nothing Hollywood loves more than something that’s been done before. Sequels, adaptations, remakes (or “re-imaginings”); anything, so long as it doesn’t involve anything too new and original and hard to sell.

Sometimes, of course, this is fun (I loved the new Star Trek flick). Sometimes it’s a laughably bad mess (almost any movie ever based on a video game). And sometimes it threatens to be an insultingly crass exploitation of beloved icons from our youth (they’re making a Fraggle Rock movie? Seriously?!)

So:

Which movie/book/comic book/TV series/video game would you most enjoy a sequel/adaptation/remake of?

Conversely, what movie/book/etc should absolutely not be desecrated by Hollywood?

The Afternoon Inquisition (or AI) is a question posed to you, the Skepchick community. Look for it to appear daily at 3pm ET.

Rebecca Watson

Rebecca leads a team of skeptical female activists at Skepchick.org. She travels around the world delivering entertaining talks on science, atheism, feminism, and skepticism. There is currently an asteroid orbiting the sun with her name on it. You can follow her every fascinating move on Twitter or on Google+.

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125 Comments

  1. There should be a Super Friends movie staring Skepchicks where we fight crime using our skeptical super powers while wearing spandex suits with flashy capes.

    There should never be another L Ron Hubbard book turned into a movie.

  2. The Breakfast Club or any other iconic movie from the 80s should never have a remake done of them, ever. I am still grieving about the fact that they re-made Fame. Leave my childhood alone!

    As for what books I would like them see do an adaptation of I believe that is already in progress and that is Patrica Cornwell’s Scarpetta series. Very interested to see how they translate to the big screen. I think they are either going to be done very well or very, very badly.

  3. Remake of the famous Harlem Globetrotters on Gilligan’s Island episode, directed by Michael Bay in collaboration with Quentin Tarantino and Jerry Bruckheimer; written by JJ Abrams and Joss Whedon.

    That answers both questions.

  4. I’m with Amy on the no more L. Ron Hubbard nonsense, although the novel tribute, The Chinatown Death Cloud Peril, which featured L. Ron as a character (an awesomely ridiculous character) would make a great movie.

    I remember thinking Short Circuit was one of the greatest movies ever from my childhood, so I re-watched it a couple of years ago. That movie did not age well. At all. That’s why we need an awesome remake of it!!! Johnny 5 STILL ALIVE!!

  5. I just caught wind of the A-Team movie that’s due out next year and I’m pretty excited. I wonder how many cars they can blow up and still have everyone crawl out alive. How many rounds did those guys shoot off during every show and never hit anyone?

  6. I think the upcoming remake of The Clash of the Titans looks execrable. I’d have liked that left alone. Similarly TRON could have been not remade / sequalized.

    Also, I feel that remakes of movies less than twenty years old are really extra stupid. Did you know that Battlestar Galactica is going to get remade, again? And they’re going to remake The Fantastic Four as well?

    Why not just have our society settle on just one story that we get to watch forever and ever. Like how Dances With Wolves is The Last Samurai and soon will be James Cameron’s Avatar – when really all three of those were pretty much Han Solo Joins the Ewoks and fights the Empire, and any number of other “noble ‘primitive’ society converts White Guy Hero who helps them defeat evil technologically advanced white folks” films.

    We can’t have too many of those! *rolls eyes then barfs*

    On to things I would like to see:

    I would like to see The Black Hole done again without cute robots and the whole voyage to Hell thing that happened at the end. Some kind of different plot that would be based in actual science would be cool.

  7. @No Comfort in Lies: I’d love a Short Circuit remake, if only to wipe the memory of Short Circuit 2.

    Being a Red Dwarf fan, I’d love to see the movie version come to fruition. If the cast can fit it around their various other activities, including interviewing Skepchicks.

    I’ve heard that there is a remake of Yellow Submarine, using 3D CGI animation, which I really hope doesn’t happen – the animation is part of the charm of the original.

  8. I think the video game industry should get into the act of remakes of classic games.

    Tomb Rider remake was pretty good and the new God of War 1 and 2 remakes look great in HD.

    Just imagine a HD remake of Donkey Kong!

  9. Nothing is sacred. There is no creative space that can’t reasonably have another interesting story told. The problem is not with the revisitng of worlds, its with the quality of work done therein.

  10. “Sundiver”, “Startide Rising” and “The Uplift War” as a movie trilogy.

    A “Space:1999” reboot.

    “Queen of Angels” and “Slant” as movies.

    The “Neanderthal Parallax” trilogy as movies.

    A “Salvage 1” remake, now that it’s a bit more plausible.

    Anything written by Terry Pratchett, Douglas Adams or Eoin Colfer but only if directed by Terry Gilliam.

  11. What I’d really like to see:

    Larry Niven _Inconstant Moon_ (SciFi tried and failed)
    Larry Niven _The Soft Weapon_ (Star Trek animated tried and failed. Spock as Nessus? Give me a break!)
    Larry Niven _Ringworld_ Much better candidate for a miniseries than Dune

    Anything by Terry Pratchet.

    MA Foster _The Morphodite_. This one would be cheap because the SF is all in the ideas. The special effects would be minimal to non-existent. Oh, but what a story…

  12. The Pratchett attempts so far have been pretty feeble… maybe they should just stay in print.

    As for Niven – how about this: Pournelle’s grandson goes back in time and kills Niven. And likewise. Neatly resolves the whole Niven / Pournelle problem without any paradoxes.

    (Though I admit that ‘The Mote in God’s Eye’ should be a movie)

  13. @ Amy – was there something besides Battlefield Earth that was based off an L. Ron book? Because I’m thinking that since that movie did so poorly, there should be more L. Ron adaptations so the stain of crappy movies can be continually pinned on Hubbard/Scientology.

    I thought the Hogfather was good for a low budget made for TV movie. If they could get some more serious attention and budget, I think we could get something worthwhile.

    Ultimately I’m with Nicole… Serenity, Serenity Serenity.

  14. I do not think Terry Pratchett books should be made into movies (yes, I know that some already have been). Any attempt is doomed to massive failure. Some things are just not suited for visual arts. It would be nearly impossible to convey a lot of his ideas, even if you used animation.

  15. I’ve been wanting a modern Robocop for years, turns out they are already doing one. Every serious gamer would also like to see a Metal Gear movie, the video games are practically movies as is given the plot lines.

    Although I do object to the idea that hollywood is out of ideas, remakes and sequels are done because they make money. Always remember that they’re trying to make money, what they KNOW will make money, they’ll make, making a great movie is secondarily.

    If Spiderman makes 300 million, I have a feeling that he’ll live to make a sequel, if it make 10 million, no matter how good it was, they’d never make another.

  16. @Zapski:

    Why not just have our society settle on just one story that we get to watch forever and ever. Like how Dances With Wolves is The Last Samurai and soon will be James Cameron’s Avatar – when really all three of those were pretty much Han Solo Joins the Ewoks and fights the Empire, and any number of other “noble ‘primitive’ society converts White Guy Hero who helps them defeat evil technologically advanced white folks” films.

    Please forgive me for this, but; George Lucas is a big fan of the Monomyth, which basically states that there’s only one story that’s ever been told in all of human history, and every single story since then is like it. Incidentally, I think every movie you just named fits the mold, intentionally or unintentionally.

  17. @davew: True. There’s a lot to cover in those books. If it were up to me, I’d start with Startide Rising and prequel Sundiver later.

    Kinda bugs me that “The Postman” is the only David Brin novel made into a movie. I’d call my least favorite of his books if it weren’t for “The Practice Effect”.

  18. Like jblumenfeld I’d be interested to see a move of ‘The Mote in God’s Eye’.

    What I’d really like to see though is a decent (that’s the key word isn’t it) Stainless Steel Rat movie.

    Nothing written by LRH should ever, under any circumstances, be read by anyone let alone re-regurgitated as a film.

  19. @davew:

    Larry Niven _The Soft Weapon_ (Star Trek animated tried and failed. Spock as Nessus? Give me a break!)

    For those of us who hadn’t yet read the story when we saw the animated episode, it made for a damn fine animated Trek story. “You fool! Human females are intelligent!”

  20. @davew: You’d have to ask George Lucas, as I believe Joseph Campbell (who came up with the Monomyth idea) is dead.

    But yeah, in that regard Lucas is so full of shit Roto-Rooter stalked him.

    The Monomyth was mainly supposed to deal with any story that featured a hero, as Campbell published the idea, but even then it’s questionable how relevant it is. Lucas has tried to take it a step further and suggest it applies to all stories.

  21. I want to see Happy Feet remade….without the damn terrible music… without the damn terrible “moral”… without the damn terrible plot… remake it so it’s all about an adorable penguin who learns to overcome his lack of musical talent with dance talent… like the Paula Abdul true story played out by penguins.

  22. I’d like to see HBO or the other premium movie channels take on a lot of these. If Watchmen had been made as a 3 year project made up of 25 or 30 1 hour episodes it would have been a much better movie.

    So much of what turns a great book into a shitty movie is the fact that they have to compress a three or four or one thousand page book int 180 minutes.

  23. I know this is sacrilege but here goes:

    A CLOCKWORK ORANGE

    I read this book in college in the 90’s and thought, “Whoa, this is so damn cool, I bet it would make a damn awesome movie.” And then I find out, what, wait a second, there IS a movie? Sa-WEET! And then I watch it and I’m like, “Seriously, Kubrick read the same book I did and THIS is what he came up with.” Fucking HATED IT. Want it done over.

  24. How about “Noah and his daughters, After the Flood” So hot it had to be rated NC-17!

    Or

    “The song of Solomon: Boobies, Boobies Oh Jehovah I love Boobies” So Hot it has to be rated NC-17

    Or

    “Leviticus” So gory you had better bring your own barf bag.

    Or

    “Ruth” she was a poor black woman in the south in the 1920’s. When her husband died the white Mayor of the town married her becuase the bible said he had too.
    So contreverisial that Ray Comfort started shooting people at the premier.

  25. Also, I have never seen the Johnny Depp version of “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” but again, as a kid I was HORRIFIED when I saw the movie after reading the book.

    That’s the problem when you have books written by guys high on LSD being turned into movies by guys high on coke.

    When I heard they were remaking the movie I thought, “good, maybe they’ll get it right this time.”

  26. @pciszek: For those of us who hadn’t yet read the story when we saw the animated episode, it made for a damn fine animated Trek story. “You fool! Human females are intelligent!”

    I suppose so, but you miss out on the wonderfulness of a Puppeteer kicking a Kzin also the thoroughly gross ending “He hit the wall… and stuck”.

  27. I’d like a movie sequel of the Reboot animation series. Reboot was clever, geeky and ended with a cliff hanger.

    Niven’s “The Mote in God’s Eye” and “Ringworld” have been mentioned, so I’ll cast a vote for “The Legacy of Heorot” by Niven, Pournelle and Barnes.

    A modern sequel to Roddenberry’s “The Questor Tapes” could potentially be awesome, too.

    I would never want to see a remake of “Casablanca”. And haven’t we had enough remakes of “A Christmas Carole”?

  28. @infinitemonkey: 180 minutes! who has the time/attention span to watch that!

    I’d like to see Final Fantasy done better. They’ve been doing pretty well with their movies based on FF7, but how about an original story, and follow their patterns, a character with an identity crisis (is s/he supposed to be good or bad?), magic, defeating the bad guy at the beginning/midway through the movie, just to realize s/he wasn’t the REAL bad guy, and Chocobos, which are kinda like bright, yellow ostriches.

    Destroy All Humans would be good also, but the half to keep the anal probe gun, and have people run off, clutching their @ss when they get hit by it.

  29. @infinitemonkey: Ah, I wasn’t aware that was part of the Monomyth itself.

    I’ve been trying to get together a book I wanted to write for fun, and was using some software called Dramatica Pro. At times it sounded like it was bordering dangerously onto adhering to the Monomyth (even using Star Wars for a lot of the examples), and included several Storyforms that supposedly any story could fit into.

    I assumed that was just the limit of the software, since it was relatively old, but this makes it altogether more nefarious.

  30. Jane Eyre. Mostly because I had the most delicious dream about Mr Rochester last night, but also because I’ve always wondered whatever happened to those two after (spoiler alert!) they found each other again. Of course, I always wondered that about the de Winters and the Butlers, too, but then I read sequels to those and gack!! Maybe some things are better left to the wonderings.

  31. I’ll agree with almost everyone else and say that it would be nice to see some Terry Pratchett on the big screen. I think the main problem with the movies made from his works so far is that they’ve all been done for tv.

    I’d love to see both Transmetropolitan and Foundation done but there is no way you could do either unless you made them into long mini-series. Foundation might not work though since most of the action is behind the scence. There aren’t enough explosions to keep most people interested.

  32. Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death II: The Mastication of Maher

    [Damnit, I forgot to buy avocados when I went to the market.]

    There should never, ever be a remake of the first Topper movie. Unless someone has cloned Cary Grant. FTM, any Cary Grant movie, ditto. Or Casablanca, which some twit would likely recast with Eddie Murphy playing all parts.

  33. To be remade: STARSHIP TROOPERS! and as somebody else said, get it right this time! Instead of letting an anti-war nerf direct, make the lesson that, sometimes, someone has to stand between their beloved home and the war’s desolation.

    Happy Veteran’s Day, everybody

  34. @Gabrielbrawley:
    I’d like to see HBO or the other premium movie channels take on a lot of these. If Watchmen had been made as a 3 year project made up of 25 or 30 1 hour episodes it would have been a much better movie.

    So much of what turns a great book into a shitty movie is the fact that they have to compress a three or four or one thousand page book int 180 minutes.

    I don’t know about you, but I’m looking forward to what HBO comes up with for A Song of Ice and Fire.

  35. @DominEditrix: Hah – an obscure reference to an excellent card game. Or in fact, an excellent series of card games, of which I own every one. Of course, one of my good friends (Steve Tassie) is the creator/writer/designer of all of them, so I’m biased.

    For everyone who mentioned Prachett…I saw Hogfather, which was pretty good, but I doubt it would be followable by anyone who hadn’t read the book first.

    I’d like to see Ender’s Game as a movie, as well as Geek Love.

  36. I wanna see a movie based on the Preacher series, and at the same time I don’t because I know it’ll get fucked up. Spike TV should not have been let near Battle Pope, they decided to make him not the actual pope because apparently, a show about an ass-kicking, cigar chomping, sex maniac for a pope was considered more offensive than an ass-kicking, cigar chomping, sex maniac of a pseudo-pope.

  37. Ok, two remakes that should never have been done:
    The Time Machine
    The Day the Earth Stood Still
    Both of those remake were an insult to the wonderful originals.
    For a series of books I think would be really fun adapted to the big screen:
    Split Infinity, Blue Adept, and Juxtaposition.
    I agree that Ringworld would be wonderful if the story were faithfully reproduced but how about they make a movie of Draco’s Tavern? A series of short vinettes all tied together with Rick Schumann played by Bruce Willis? FUN!
    Larry Niven…Awesome writer!

  38. How ’bout…

    Le Guin’s “A Wizard of Earthsea,” first 3 books only (and let’s forget the SciFi channel mini-series)

    Roger Zelazny’s “Nine Princes in Amber”

    One of Jack Chalker’s Well World books, preferably “The Return of Nathan Brazil”

    Steven R. Donaldson’s Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever series, still ongoing, still awesome.

  39. I know this sounds wacky but about 10 years ago a buddy and I had the idea to remake Plan 9 From Outer Space but with blue screens instead of hubcaps and such. Perhaps George Hamilton would play the phantom body snatcher … It would be really cool if he would die on the set like Lugosi did to give the film undue publicity but that is an awful lot to ask … Lugosi was a true professional.

  40. La noche del terrór ciega, aka Tombs of the Blind Dead, remade by Guillermo del Toro using the original Portuguese locations.

    You see, the problem with remakes is that Hollywood is always remaking films that were perfectly good to begin with. What they should be doing is finding movies that have one good idea, or one good scene, but are otherwise marred by insufficient budget or a bad script or bad acting. Tombs of the Blind Dead was a movie with a terrific idea — eyeless, undead medieval Knights Templars, who return from the grave once a year to find a virgin for their unholy sacrifices. And out of a 90 minute runtime, original director Amando Ossorio managed to create, on a $30K budget, 20 minutes of the scariest monsters in movie history. But those 20 minutes are surrounded by 70 minutes of bad acting, stupid dialog (in English and Spanish) and an incomprehensible plot full of loathsome (human) characters. So no one but trufans are even aware of the film (and its three [!] sequels).

    Del Toro could remake this with a real plot and acting, but keep what makes the Blind Dead such great movie monsters. And the Iberian setting of the story would play to his strengths in that regard. A decent remake of Tombs of the Blind Dead could be the beginning of a decades-long film/TV/comic book franchise that would entertain millions and make some people very rich.

    I’m oddly passionate about this idea, and often watch del Toro’s Tombs of the Blind Dead in my daydreams. But I know no one in the movie business, so I complain about it to my cat instead.

  41. I’ve always loved “The Moon is Harsh Mistress” and thought it would be good movie. It perhaps is a bit dated, but a good screen writer could fix that.

    Another vote for “Ring World”. The aliens would be a challenge, but modern CGI is up to it.

    Another vote for “Mote”. This one is one is on the short list of my favorite books (along with “The Moon is a Harsh Mistress””). I reread it very year. It is a straight forward story, easy to understand, with lots of interesting characters, and should make a very approachable movie, especially if they get the moties right.

    I’m a bit nervous about the upcoming remake of the “The Prisoner” series on AMC. The original was so, well, original, quirky and surreal, it’s hard to imagine the remake working. However, will absolutely be in front of the first few episodes.

  42. Movies I would like to see:

    MacGyver
    Stingray
    Spencer: For Hire
    The Long Goodbye
    Farewell My Lovely
    The Little Sister
    The High Window
    Danger is my Business
    Transmetropolitan
    Mythbusters
    Timewarp
    The Colour out of Space
    Animaniacs
    Pinky and the Brain
    Good Eats
    A Thief of Time
    Gabriel and the Skepchicks: a sexual romp through history and science.

  43. I have always wondered how Star Wars VI would have played out in Kashyk, the Wookie homeland, which was the original plan. Frankly, the death star thing again was too much of a rehash in my opinion.

  44. Film that should be made: There’re a gajillion films that draw on the Lovecraftian, but there’s never been a proper, solid, well-executed movie based entirely within the Lovecraft world. That’s what I’m hangin’ for! Some betentacled horrors from beyond the very limits of human sanity!

    Film that shouldn’t be made (but they are): Monopoly: The Movie. For the love of Cthulhu I wish I was joking.

  45. I’d really like a prequel to The Fifth Element. I want to see what Corbin Dallas in some of his previous missions.

    But i’m not the type that gets upset about remakes or sequels being made. I’ve never seen a movie that i consider perfect, so there’s no reason why any of them shouldn’t have another shot taken.

  46. @Gabrielbrawley: Spencer: For Hire

    Spenser: For Hire was a very good made for TV movie with Joe Mantegna, Ernie Hudson, and Marcia Gay Harden called Walking Shadow. It was so good I was hoping they’d make more. Alas…


    What in the wide, wide, world of sports would Good Eats the Movie be about?!

  47. I’d like to see a tv series based on the Dresden Files. The book series is great, the comic books are too, and it would be nice to have a tv show just to top it off.

    No, there was *not* a SyFy attempt at dragging the name through the mud, and anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar. (shutupshutupshutup)

  48. I’d also like to see a Mythbusters movie – by Jhonen Vasquez.

    They should never do a remake of Wes Craven’s first (and worst) movie, “Deadly Blessings.” The perfection of Ernest Borgnine as a pseudo-Amish patriarch is nothing to mess with.

  49. The Dark Knight Returns, directed by Frank Miller.

    Never allow Alien, Aliens, Terminator 1 and 2, Nosferatu, Clerks, Back to the Future, Citizen Cane, Bonnie and Clyde, or The Seventh Seal ever be remade.

  50. I want a sequel to Leonard Part 6! it’s about time for more of the animal super-agent Cos :)

    As far as things that should never be made? The live-action Transformers movies pretty much took a massive crap on something I loved growing up.

  51. Ugh, I have hardly been able to bring myself to watch ANY movies in the last four or five years. I saw and enjoyed the Star Trek remake, but other than that I can barely get myself to go to the movie theater even if my friends are going and I have free tickets.

  52. @Nicole:
    @marilove:
    I second (third?) Serenity/Firefly – still some loose ends to tie up there.

    I’m also in the Terry Pratchett camp, if done properly – efforts so far have been disappointing.

    delphi-ote – Snow Crash would be awesome. I don’t understand why it hasn’t already been done.

    I’d also like to see a spin off from BTVS/Angel featuring Spike – I’ve love to hear his snarky comments about sparkling vampires…..

    On my undesecrate list – a remake of the pathetic final episode of the new Battlestar Galactica.

    And on my do not desecrate list – The Princess Bride or The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

  53. I agree with Riayn. Leave The Breakfast Club alone. I would further that by having anything John Hughs did before 1990 on that list.

    Especially Weird Science.

    I read that Tobey Macguire was working on bringing Robotech to the big screen as a live action. I really would love to see it in live action, but wonder how much would be lost.

  54. Terry Pratchett or Larry Niven’s stuff, but with good directing and a major budget. I’m open to suggestions for a director. I do have some reservations a la catgirl, though. Steve has some great suggestions, too.

    Another idea would be Pratchett and Gaiman’s “Good Omens” as a movie, but I think the religulous right would have a conniption fit over it.

    I’d like to see someome do some of Heinlein’s stuff without botching it like they did with “Starship Troopers.” (Yeah, I know some poeple like it. I didn’t because I think they took too many liberties with it.)

    And though I liked the H2G2 mivie, it could have been better. I do like an excuse to look at Zooey Deschanel for 90 minutes, though. ;-)

  55. I haven’t seen the movie version of “The golden compass” yet, but I get the feeling “The subtle knife” and “The amber spyglass” probably won’t be turned into movies, which is unfortunate.

    I also wonder what’s up with “The Hobbit”.

    I second more Firefly/Serenity.

    I second more Pratchett/Gaiman.
    Stardust turned out pretty darn good, so there’s no reason to think it couldn’t be done. Although (IIRC) Gaiman consulted on the film, so they had that advantage.
    Like someone else said, the movie will almost never top the book, but a super-awesome book can still make a fantastic movie.

    I do think Hollywood should stop making sequels to movies that didn’t originally come from books that had sequals. It’s like it’s too early to do a remake, so they do a sequel instead, for no other reason than it made enough money the first time around.

    And if you thought it was bad with Hollywood movies being remade, I’d say a high percentage of Hollywood originals are themselves actually remakes from foreign originals. Many of them French.

  56. Every made for SyFy/SciFi channel movie should be remade. Really, they can only be better than the originals.

    But never remake ‘The Maltese Falcon’, 1941 version. Its not true to the book but somehow that doesn’t matter. Just watch the ealier two versions & consider them pre-made remakes.

  57. @davew: OMFSM, movie versions of Larry Niven’s entire “Known Space” would be great, but you’re right, start with “Ringworld”. We have the FX now to do justice to his awesome use of future tech, and face it, the plots aren’t that rich deep. They are basically just there to hang the tech.

    As far a remake that shouldn’t be made, there are a near infinite number of movies that sucked, and should be remade because they would still suck. There are some movies (like “Blade Runner”) that were pretty good, and probably don’t need to be remade. Same with “Raiders of the Lost Ark”. And “Space Odyssey”.

  58. @Reverend Kel: “Thomas Covenant”series – Still ongoing: agreed. Still Awesome: Disagree. Awesome ended at the last of the second trilogy. This Deus ex machina that is out now is rubbish.

    Mild spoiler Alert:

    Seriously, does the ultimate answer to every deep and abiding mystery to every SiFi/Fantasy story written these days have to be time travel? Something as awe inspiring, mysterious, and world-altering as Earthpower was taught to Berek by a vacationing time traveling demigod from the future (from a race that didn’t even exist in the first two trilogies – can you say “Midi-chlorians”).

    Sorry for the rant, but I really am tired of how every story these days has to use TT to explain its mysteries.

  59. @Riayn: I support this statement, as it pertains to The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, etc. In fact, I propose we go one step further and destroy all copies of the original movies, as I loathe – LOATHE- Molly Ringwald. Those movies still make me throw up a little in my mouth whenever they get brought up as some kind of great movie standard.

    Her name sounds more like a diagnosis than a person. I can almost hear Hugh Laurie telling a patient on House “You’ve got ringwald, specifically, molly ringwald. The good news is that it’s not lupus. The bad news is that it’s venereal.”

    And as an opposing view point re: L. Ron Hubbard’s works, I fully support a remake of Battlefield Earth. I actually enjoyed the book, having read it before I associated Hubbard with any particular wackaloon religion. However, having the original movie repeatedly show up in the top 10 worst movies of all time, I somehow doubt that any reputable film studio will take on that project ever again.

  60. Agree with Datajack, especially with Star Trek. For all the warnings from the Guardian of Forever, the races of Star Trek’s universe have gone back in time so many times that there must be a superhighway exit marked for Earth’s past.

    I’m SO sick of time travel, especially in Star Trek.

  61. @QuestionAuthority: OMG I totally forgot about Good Omens, which is/was in development with Terry Gilliam for a long time now. So who knows if it will see the light of day ever.

    Also, I to would love to see the rest of the Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy series made into feature-length films. More Zooey and Sam Rockwell are always a good thing, IMO. :)

  62. @delphi_ote: Agreed, or Stephenson’s latest “Anathem” which I think would make a great movie.

    @DataJack: I was totally absorbed by the first Covenant trilogy when it first came out back in my college days. I wonder if too much of the story took place in Thomas’s mind to do well on the screen. I may read the second trilogy but after your spoiler (which was just fine) I’ll know to avoid the third bunch.

  63. @James Fox: You are probably right about the first trilogy. It would have to have serious over the top narration, as he was almost always dishonest to a degree to those around him :).

    The second trilogy wasn’t bad. Enjoy it. I recommend re-reading the first, first.

    I used to read the first trilogy (along with “The Sword of Shanara”) like many read “Lord of the Rings”, i.e., constantly. I have read the 2nd trilogy once, and the first two books of the 3rd trilogy once (but wish I hadn’t).

  64. I would love to see an adaptation of Child 44. the book is perfectly suited to the cinema. Read it! It’s the best book I’ve read in ages. The one book they should never, ever touch is House of Leaves. Unfilmable to the extreme.

    I am terrified that Where the Wild things Are will be rubbish and will ruin my childhood memories. I am praying to almighty science that this will not happen.

  65. @Denver7M: Piers Anthony! Yes!

    @Reverend Kel: I agree about the Thomas Covenant books. I think they would work better as an HBO type miniseries than full-blown movies, but I’ve been waiting for it since I finished “The Power That Preserves” in 1983.

    @DataJack: I have to admit, the last two books have been a bit lame. Your point re: time travel is a good one. (Weak, Stephen R., weak). I think it ran it’s course after six.

    Robert Jordan’s “Wheel of Time” series would be great to see as well. Monumental, but weakens after the 8th book.

  66. The Sandman.

    But not as a big screen movie. It is too long and layered and detailed. This is once again one i would like to see done by HBO or Showtime etc. They would have the time and resources to do it correctly without having to censor it like SyFy would.

    Who would play Morpheus?

  67. @davew: I thought they made like 3 or 4 of those. I am almost certain that I saw more than just walking shadow. I thought they were okay but I didn’t care for Joe Mantange’s Spencer.

    It seems that they would be naturals for the big screen.

    I have know idea what a Good Eats movie would be about but I am sure it would be awsome.

  68. I think I’d probably kill who ever will remake The Neverending Story unless it’s done by Guillermo del Toro — which it’s not, but I do believe it IS being remade. I guess that means I am going to prison?

    Movies I would like to see are Dinotopia — and I mean an actual full budget in-the-theatre movie (not some lame miniseries). I would also welcome a Fantastic Four remake because as they stand now they top my list of worst movies ever made.

    I would also love a movie based on a childrens book I read as a kid where a witch turned a mother’s seven children into food and she had to guess which one was each child in order to win them back.

    Hmm, American Gods might be kinda cool as well.

  69. @Surly Nymph: My daughter got together with a bunch of her friends for a movie night last week. I don’t recall what the main attraction was but the second feature, and only for laughs, was The Never Ending Story”. She said they couldn’t stop laughing and I went into an impersonation of the big flying dog thing which is my only recollection of this horror story. There was a movie made as competition for The Wizard of Oz which I think was called The Blue Bird of Happiness and starred a very young Elizabeth Taylor. It was a total stinker on the same level as Never Ending Story. I recall being home sick and about 12, nothing to read, it was raining and Blue Bird was the only thing on TV. I felt like gouging my eyes out afterward and hated Elizabeth Taylor from that day on.

  70. @James Fox: How DARE you! That movie was my childhood!

    Lol.

    Ok, so granted I look at that movie through the eyes of a child so I am a bit biased but I think it came out the year I was born and I was in love with Falkor the LUCK DRAGON (side note: I read the book, and he’s actually supposed to look like a white chinese dragon. Where they got the dog-faced thing from I’ll never know.)

    Everytime I see that movie I want to eat a rock. That rock-biter makes them look so freakin’ appetizing!

    I’ve never even heard of The Blue Bird of Happiness.

    You have to admit though James, that the Nothing was pretty horrifying — although now that I think back on it, I wonder if it has some sort of religious symbolism and the lack of belief?

  71. @DataJack: Each to his own. I found the whole Berek bit to be a small and unimportant sidepiece to the story as a whole. Happening as it does in only the second book, it’s unlikely, I think, to become a Deus Ex Machina. It didn’t, after all, pluck our heroine or anyone else from certain doom, as far as I could tell.

    In all, I would classify the third trilogy (actually, I guess it’s going to be a…quadrilogy? or possibly tetralogy?) to be as engaging as the first two.

  72. @Surly Nymph:
    I think I’d probably kill who ever will remake The Neverending Story unless it’s done by Guillermo del Toro

    Are Guillermo del Toro and Peter Jackson truly the only people who can do decent fantasy creatures?
    There have to be others? Whatever happened to Jim Henson’s legacy?

  73. @OneHandClapping, yes, and “The dark crystal”.

    I saw the Zoee Deschanel version of “Wizard of OZ” this weekend, and it’s not a bad movie. But the creatures definitely aren’t up to Jim Henson standards. It seems his legacy really is completely lost and was replaced by much crappier looking CGI …

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