Skepticism

Was Joe Randazzo Abducted by Aliens?

A common complaint of alien-visitation skeptics is that we should have more evidence, considering the proliferation of technology that allows us to photograph and communicate every detail of every moment of our lives. Since so many people have digital cameras at the ready, why isn’t Flickr flooded with ETs?

Finally, though, we’ve found our first live-Tweeted alien abduction. Last night, Twitter user @Randazzoj Tweeted the following:

WTF!!! Anyone else in Brooklyn/NYC seeing this UFO?! http://twitpic.com/hnkqc

Randazzo continued updating Twitter with info on the UFO, before this happened:

randazzo

The story is still developing as Randazzo continues to Tweet his experiences, but apparently it has yet to break into the mainstream.

Because your Skepchicks are always on the cutting edge, we decided to investigate this a little more closely before the media gets a hold of it. While Randazzo’s photos and personal correspondences are very convincing, there are a number of problems we discovered that lead us to believe that he may not be telling the truth:

1. UFOs have been in the news a lot lately, since Wednesday when astronaut Kevin Ford’s pee put on a light show as it was ejected from Discovery. Events like this can convince more people to look to the skies and misidentify normal objects (like the space station, bright planets, planes, and even the moon) as possible alien crafts. This appears to be happening in New Jersey, where two elderly women claimed to see “the Gorey UFO” Friday, prompting others to join in with their own spooky stories of mysterious lights in the sky.

2. Randazzo’s photos look suspiciously like a blimp.

3. Randazzo’s Tweets are being uploaded alternately from Twitterfon and by computer on Twitter.com. This is strange because, as my fellow Skepchick Elyse noted, “Who logs on to their laptop while being abducted by aliens? Your iPhone, though… yeah, you’re totally going to grab that and tweet. But not your laptop. That’s just ridiculous.”

4. Do aliens have wi-fi or another way to connect a laptop to the Internet? And would cell reception even be good on a spaceship? I was just in New York and found a number of dead spots where my iPhone wouldn’t work.

5. Is it even possible to Tweet via Twitterfon or otherwise while being anally probed? At press time, we were unable to locate any porn stars on Twitter to confirm or deny this, so we’re hoping that those with experience with this type of multitasking might leave a comment below.

6. What kind of alien visits Brooklyn? Don’t be fooled by movies like Independence Day—the facts show that most abductions occur in rural ‘Merica, usually late at night on dark country roads where innocent men in pick-ups are terrorized by our galactic neighbors. When’s the last time you saw a Park Slope baby beamed out of its $3,000 carriage?

7. Randazzo is editor of The Onion.

Perhaps when Randazzo is returned to this planet (hopefully mostly intact), he’ll grant Skepchick an interview about his experiences. Don’t worry, everyone, we’ll get to the bottom of this!

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Rebecca Watson

Rebecca leads a team of skeptical female activists at Skepchick.org. She travels around the world delivering entertaining talks on science, atheism, feminism, and skepticism. There is currently an asteroid orbiting the sun with her name on it. You can follow her every fascinating move on Twitter or on Google+.

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22 Comments

  1. Another thing that’s interesting is how far apart the posts are. There’s a 10 hour gap until the last one.

    And I think number 7 says it all. He’s probably the sort of dude that could write that his building was on fire or that he was undergoing a horrible calamity, and people would triple-check before believing him.

  2. In the infinite vastness of space, I can accept the possibility of alien life. I don’t get why anyone would think they’re coming here. And as for the ‘abductees’ obsessions with anal probes… Being taken aboard an alien ship is really the least of their problems.

  3. 3. It’s possible to use twitter via a browser on a phone but, if you’ve got Twitterfon or similar, it seems unlikely you’d do that. Personally, I prefer using Twitterrific for recording my alien abductions.

    4. Aliens have very advanced technology. I bet they even have a 3G network that works every now and then.

    5. Hard to say without knowing the exact nature of the activity. Wild guess would be: Yes, but expect more typos.

    “Don’t worry, everyone, we’ll get to the bottom of this!”

    That’s what the aliens said.

  4. I don’t think the aliens could have any kind of internet connection. If they did, what would stop them from using it the way pedophiles do to lure potential victims? No more need for clandestine kidnappings.

    They could even throw people off by setting up websites where skeptics debunk all the witnesses who see too much. The could pose as human posters and .. make … light …. of ….. anal …… probes ……. Oh look! A meteorVenusswampgas kind of thingyI thinkI’llrunandgetmycamera …

  5. Uhh, that “Jersey” article you linked to is from Jersey, in the UK, not New Jersey, USA.

    As to this post, though, if it weren’t for his being editor of the Onion, I’d guess he was just looking for attention. Some people will do weird things to get the spotlight!

  6. I think the aliens are pissed at the teabaggers because they won’t let Obama give aliens health care. That is why the aliens always anal probe the teabaggers, the truthers, the birthers, the ditto heads and the rest of them. It is payback or pay forward or something.

    You think the Joe Wilson is mad now? Just wait until the aliens have anally probed him a few times. We’ll see how wide his stance is then!

  7. @catgirl & terryp – just because he was high doesn’t mean he wasn’t really visited by aliens. In fact, given the rarity of abductees being drunk or on drugs reporting alien abduction, this case should have been an excellent research opportunity (for those aliens). They probably wrote it up in a journal.

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