For those of you who haven’t heard, today is my birthday. I spent the entire weekend with Masala Skeptic and Carr2d2 (and Tim 3P0 and my husband, too). It was one of those weekends that was so crazy fun that if I tried to explain it all to you, you’d say, “Oh, come on! No one has weekends that fun without lugging a corpse around Miami!” I’m still exhausted from Saturday’s egg rave. There were drinks and laughs and Cthulhus (complete with victims) and Tang and sangria and, at some point, a dude named Hemant and hockey and Mario Kart and incoherent phone calls and pizza in a park and Moose hitting poodles with things… and someone has pictures of it all. Fo’ real, yo.
Saturday night, I vaguely remember discussing Popsicle-molds shaped like people. I said I’d like one shaped like Phil Plait (but Bad Astronsicles is a terrible brand name.)
Last week, for Masala Skeptic’s birthday, she asked you for ideas for skeptically-themed gifts. I’m asking for a different take on that.
What would be the greatest uninvented/undiscovered/imaginary skeptical gift you could give me (or would be willing to give me) if it existed?
The Afternoon Inquisition (or AI) is a question posed to you, the Skepchick community. Look for it to appear daily at 3pm ET.
$10,000 a month for only a couple of hours of work a day, without leaving your home, and all you need is a computer!!!
A God detector. You know, just in case.
Ooops, sorry I initially thought it was a gift you’d be skeptical of, not a skeptical gift!
How about a real workign BS detector that could be put on the table for everyone to see when you go in for an interview, to talk with a car salesman or when people are spouting crap about things they are wholly ignorent of. One look at the BS meter on te table would sure change conversations in a hurry.
@Outsider: It’s real. Mind you, it doesn’t do much of anything, but it looks pretty!
http://www.yo-god.com/
Woo-woo vaccine. The kind that gives autism to people who spout crap.
I have no brain cells for this at the moment, but happy birthday!
The skeptic’s children’s bible. 352 tales from antiquity that will inspire your child to imagine, create, develop a healthy sense of skepticism, love, eat right, use his or her right to vote, develop the next cure for cancer (or at least something better than sliced bread), and inoculate him or her against magical thinking and goddery.
With a mixture of illustrations both old and new, and apprehensive appendices describing, among other things, the development of the individual tales through the ages, and how the book can be turned into a nutritious gruel in case of famine.
Oh, and happy birthday!
@James Fox: That was my immediate thought, too. I’d like some device which would allow me to distinguish between scam artists and true believers. It would help me formulate my responses.
A sonic screwdriver
Or a TARDIS
Is your MarioKart prowess to be seen on the Wii or the DS? If it’s the latter, I’d be glad saddle up and race! (You use saddles on cars right?)
A cellulite removing god detector!
Not exactly skepticky but I saw this tessellated lizard paver mold recently. I’d like to see the same thing done in a cookie cutter.
On a side note, I could’ve sworn there was a discussion of high hat and monkey cookie cutters at one point. Can’t find it, though.
Two words, my friend: cabana yeti.
Logic Perfume (Eau de Realitea)
Whenever you wear it, the people around you have to think logically.
The lost diary of Paul of Tarsus
“Aug. 6, 59AD: I can’t believe they actually fell for that whole ‘vision on the road to Damascus’ thing. Pretty flimsy story, I know, and I was gonna revise it later but people are actually eating it up! I’m a friggin’ genius!”
Or more practically, (but WAY more mythological than the above):
The G spot
Lifetime membership in Ken Ham’s new museum. “The What the F was I Thinking Museum.”
One can dream…..
An early working-copy of the bible, with references to the original fictional works. The margins full of redactions, lewd, and snarky comments from the original misogynist authors, editors, and publishers. Complete with a manuscript from the authors begging the publisher not to push such obvious fantasy as “based-on a true story”.
@Gabrielbrawley: Don’t forget K9.
I got nothing, but Happy Birthday!
A high-power laser pen for drawing propeller beanies and glasses on woodgrain pareidolia.
@Bjornar: nutritious gruel = COTW.
@Eliza: This one actually had me laughing out loud. Another COTW.
@Gabrielbrawley: This is a dirty comment, I just know it is.
this:
http://picturesforsadchildren.com/index.php?comicID=270
A cabana yeti and a g-spot are really all any girl needs.
@Gabrielbrawley: I wish.
@Outsider: Again, I wish.
@ Elyse: How about more fantastic boots? Because I’m skeptical that life would be nearly as much fun without a closet full of sexy footware.
@Ashley.Ele: I am going to have to agree that one needs several pairs of sexy foot wear, otherwise, what is the point?
Shameless plug for my friend’s shoe business…
@Steve: Cool pavers! I showed them to my wife. She said “We could escher in a new era in backyard decor!”
Yeah, I know, but we like puns. It’s why I married her.
Elyse, I’m a book giving kind of guy. How about an e-book version of Wikipedia (future edition of a date of your choosing) when it holds all of human knowledge of just a few years before. Or a collection of skeptical books (including the ones I want to write, but haven’t started).
Happy real birthday!
@infinitemonkey:
Logic Perfume (Eau de Realitea)
Whenever you wear it, the people around you have to think logically.
Yes! I want some. In fact, I’ll take a gallon.
Oh, and COTW!
@Vengeful Harridan (Elexina): Oh, wow. Wish I had disposable income…but divorce isn’t cheap. (sigh)
I’m all for knee-high boots and tall stilettos in the workplace. I may be an accountant, but I’m an accountant in sexy shoes (it’s the little things in life).
There *are* popsicles shaped like me, but sadly they are banned in all 50 states, seventeen countries, and nearly all exoplanets.
Plaitsicles? I need to remind myself to buy that domain name.
@James Fox: Or one of Jesus and Mo’s irony meters.
I hope you had a totally awesome birthday
If I were to buy Elyse a treat,
that was equal parts sexy and pleasant and sweet,
a magical caldron where I can make you the greatest buzzed aldrin,
each and every time that we meet.
~
I would get a way so that every link in the world leads to this web page so that everyone can tell you “happy birthday!” ^_^
@Ashley.Ele: I hear you. However, if you “become a fan” on Facebook or MySpace, he often has 20% discount codes and free shipping for certain amounts. Plus, there’s a lot of clearance stuff and that’s where I find my Halloween costumes. :-)
@Ashley.Ele: Sing it sister. I’m a SAHM and I still wear heels and knee high boots.
@Vengeful Harridan (Elexina): Thanks for the link!
@Typo Knig: Does she have a sister? :D
@Vengeful Harridan (Elexina): Thanks for info. Will do.
@tiger kitty: Thats quite a mental image. =)
@ Elyse. Hope all your skeptical birthday wishes were fulfilled! Happy birthday!
Thank you all for your wonderful imaginary skeptical gifts! :)
@Typo Knig: Cool pavers! I showed them to my wife. She said “We could escher in a new era in backyard decor!â€
Would your wife be interested in a COTW?
@Steve: Sorry, my wife only has brothers. I have a sister, but she’s not as punny.
@MiddleMan: Sure! If she doesn’t want to sign up I’ll submit hers for her.
Everlasting Godstopper.
Happy birthday Elyse.
Kevin F. in Florida (I hope all is well in your neck of the woods, I still owe you some stuff…!)