Strange things are afoot at the Real household.  Things got Springtimey and busy and wow-please-just-can’t-I-sleep-in-one-stinking-Saturday?-I-mean-really quite suddenly. And here we are already in May.
Consequently, I think a lot about the lies I can tell my neighbors and IRL friends that won’t make me a tool, but will give me some freetime. But I’m the worst liar EVAH. Plus I get all caught up in that white lie vs. indetermine race lie thing.
How much do you lie? White lies? Big lies? Little lies? (Of course, feel free to lie to me here, if you must.)
I only outright lie when women ask me “does this (garment) make me look fat?” or “do you think she’s cute?”
I don’t cover up my mistakes with lies which is probably why I’m still a manager and not a director or VP yet.
I’ll maybe “exaggerate” to prove a point outside of work. Does that count?
I lie when it’s not important. The rest of the time I deflect.
I love telling lies that everyone knows are lies. I think that’s a borderline area between joking and lying, but telling women I can lick my own eyebrows is a fun lie. The next two lines in the conversation are usually “Really?” “No.”
But actually lying? I do when conversations get awkward, and people pry in to things I don’t think they should (or maybe I justify lying about it by thinking they shouldn’t have asked, more likely). I don’t mind telling a blatant one that won’t be believed, but they’ll be too polite to challenge me on (is it even a lie if you both know it’s not true? I suppose so). I try and be open and honest, but some times it’s just more work than it’s worth.
I’ll exaggerate sometimes, and I’m damn good at coming up with lies to get out of something I don’t want to do, especially going into work, but that’s about it.
Not before the anonymity of the Intertubes made it so darn easy. Nyah nyah! Can’t catch me!
The biggest lie i ever told: You look great without make-up!
It’s only a lie if the other person finds out ;-) (and if you somehow come to know that’s the case).
The rest of the time, it’s Complementary and Alternative Truth :-D
So, according to this rather pragmatic definition, I hardly ever lie. I’m also more fond of “selective reporting” than lying, lying involves too much creativity that I cannot afford nor sustain through time.
But lying is a necessary social adaptation. No long-term coexistence is possible without lying, that seems a self-evident truth to me.
Odd as it may seem, I do try never to lie, except when doing so for entertainment (e.g writing fiction).
My wife has even come to understand that “does this dress make me look fat?” will get an honest answer – and that’s a good thing. (That way, when I say she looks good, she knows I’m not just saying so to be nice).
I’ve been doing this for a little over a year, and have been surprised at how well it’s been received. Learning the art of tact is definitely the key: there’s a huge difference between “this pie is awful” and “I’m sorry, I just don’t care for this pie”.
Unfortunately, the habit of the “little white lie” is pretty well ingrained, and I’ve caught myself lying so as not to cause a ruckus more than once. Interesting how society both decries and values the ability to lie convincingly. ;-)
@Merkuto: Lie that everyone knows are lies… so much fun! It has only backfired once for me, when I accidentally spread the word that a friend was naming his second kid the same name as his first. That got back to him before it got back to me, and boy was I laughing.
Lying is okay as long as it’s funny.
I work at a help desk. I lie all day.
I’m usually lying two after my tee shot and my wife tells tall tales professionally.
Where is the boundary between lying and being polite? The art of conversation includes statements that are partially or completely untrue. Early in their lives, we introduce our children to the harmless “please” and “thank you,” but it isn’t long before we teach them how to make a compliment or how to show interest.
We also teach them not to lie. Where is the boundary?
And let’s not forget that the art of being polite is called politics.
I never lie. Ever.
@Joshua: Except just then.
To quote the great 20th century philosopher, George Costanza…..”It’s not a lie if you believe it, Jerry.”
“No, baby! Of course I put on a condom!”
When in actuality, I was wearing 17. Most on my fingers.
I’m a pretty frequent liar, and see no need to change that.
I better enjoy slippery language, though. More effective, since most people don’t notice it.
@Mully410: Ah, dishonesty in relationships -always a sign of a happy union!
In all seriousness, though, if a woman thinks she might look unattractive in something and asks her partner his opinion, she should understand if his answer is not exactly what she expected. I have never asked my husband if “this makes me look fat,” but I have asked “do I look okay in this?” and I firmly expect an honest answer. Because if I don’t, I certainly wouldn’t want to be seen in public in it!
I lie to my parents all the time, mostly when we’re just too tired to deal with spending time with them. And I lie to some of the girls I know who are not interesting to me but I don’t want to hurt their feelings, so I “have to work” or “have to babysit the kids-in-law” or “am buried beneath laundry,” etc.
The only time I lie to my husband is a lie of omission: when I don’t tell him I checked the results of a race or fight we taped on the internet because I couldn’t stand not knowing…
@Skepthink: OYG the hilarity…
@Elexina: That’s the way it should be but I haven’t witnessed things the way they should be. The 100% honesty policy towards women hasn’t worked for me, yet I see lying sacks of crap with women all the time. huh.
@Mully410: Yeah, the womens is crazies. My husband keeps asking why we can’t clone me for his friends. A little creepy and maybe HE’S lying, but oh the flattery!
I seldom lie, even to my own detriment. During one heated discussion with my wife concerning religion (She has a somewhat spiritual belief that there is a power/spirit/energy/something that interconnects people) , she challenged my statement that all religious beliefs were delusional.
“So, you think I’m delusional to believe what I do?”
“When it come to some mysterious, unmeasurable, unprovable energy that surrounds us, penetrates us and binds the galaxy together, yes. I think you are delusional.”
That did not go over well.
I’m lying right now.
@Geis: Oh, no, I think in these cases you must use the “puzzle truth”, like:
-Do you think I am delusional?
-If you believe all that stuff, then it cannot count as lying if I make you believe you’re not delusional, so of course you’re not delusional, you’re just as equally open-minded to other people’s truths as to my truths.
(Which is actually true.) Until the other person figures that out, you have a 1,500 lies credit.
@notreallyalice: Totally off topic but, you a fan of American McGee? Alice was a fantastically beautiful game, not necessarily a great game but entertaining non-the-less.
Times are hard,
I’ve been keeping an exes stuff (limited to three large items) at my house while she finds a place to live.
Soon, (called yesterday, thank the gods) she’ll come and get her stuff. She’ll thank me and I’ll say something like “glad I could help”.
In reality, we both know I want this junk (and her problems) out of my space so bad I could scream. (Hey, it may be me someday and she’d do zero to help, so I don’t feel I’m so bad).
However, I don’t rightly know it’s a lie. I don’t expect to be believed, and I won’t be.
rod
I try not to lie at all since it becomes difficult to remember who you told which lies. Fortunately, I lead a boring life that gives me little to lie about.
I have an uncle who is known for his BS tendencies. My mother once said “Uncle Dan is such a good liar!”
And I thought.. no, no he isn’t because we all know he lies.
But if say you are almost always believed because no one would ever think that you would lie.. and you are in fact lying… then you are a good liar.
A good liar would never ever admit to being a liar and would never have the rep of being a liar.
How do I fit in? I’ll leave that to you to figure out.
I suspect that the so-called white lying is a kind of ‘social lubricant’ like good manners. I doubt we could survive without it.
There is a fine line between lying as a way to keep society going without too much friction and lying that destroys a society because it undermines trust.