- The Vatican wants you to stop picking on the Pope already. (Thanks to Andres.)
- An Italian court has jailed a pilot who paused to pray instead of taking emergency measures before ditching his plane, killing 16 people. (Thanks to Dave.)
- Emory says it best: “It’s the twentieth anniversary of cold fusion, and the fusionistas were frolicking at the annual American Chemical Society meeting. With neutrons!”
- Presented without comment: Is it OK for my Christian daughter to masturbate?
After reading through the helpful information provided on Christwire.org, I found the following most intriguing:
Studies show that 87% of the women who become prostitutes did so because of unbridled masturbation as a teenager, and over 90% of girls who become pregnant as teenagers did so because of masturbation loosened their morals and made them more apt to engage in unprotected fornication.
Enough said.
Ok, I’ve looked around that Christwire website for a bit…and… it’s a parody, right? It kind of reads like the “Jesus General” blog in some places. And what ridiculously fundie website would allow Google advertisements that say “Find a Gay Sexy Single in Your Area”. But then maybe they leave those ads there to remind people of the sinfulness of man or something like that. Argh, I can’t figure it out… I’m going to go listen to some satanic rock n’ roll and pretend I never read that advice column…
I guess the pilot should have taken a moment of silence.
Prehaps someone should tell Pope Ratzo to stop saying stupid things, and then people wont laugh or mock at him as much.
Speaking of which, the report of the cold fusion results should be shot…
electrolysis is performed on deuteron
Arrgh! A deuteron is the nucleus of deuterium, and electrolysis does nothing for it. The electrolysis component is to separate the deuterium/oxygen in the heavy water and absorb some deuterium ions (or deuterons) into the palladium electrode.
molecules are fused into helium
Grrr. Atoms are fused, not molecules! Water is a molecule, deuterium is an atom. Get thee back to primary school….
“I recently met a charming boy who I love dearly …The problem is that he is Muslim …How do I explain to my family that they have to get to know the person and not judge on outside prejudice?” – Wisconsin girl in love
Their response:
“Many people do not realize this, but the threat of Homegrown Terrorism is very, very high and every neighborhood may have an American jihadist traitor lurking about.”…!!!!
Argh!! So frakkin glad I’m an Englander, where you at least have to *try* not to imply that all muslims are terrorists!
“We will not accept the Pope being made the object of mockery and offence, in the media or elsewhere,” said Angelo Bagnasco, the country’s top bishop, citing the “controversy about condoms”.
Ah, it’s a controversy, is it? I guess condom use preventing disease is “just a theory”, then?
@Imrryr: I think I’m with you on that one. It seems too good to be true.
It has to be a parody. If only it were possible to tell fundamentalism from a parody of it.
Okay, where’s Chris Crocker when you need him? Someone really needs to tell people to leave the Pope alone.
Yeah, I think christwire.org is a giant Poe. My evidence:
http://christwire.org/2009/03/gay-son-rebels-by-drawing-penis-on-parents-roof/
‘Nuff said.
The internet consensus seems to be that Christwire is a parody, although it still doesn’t speak well of the fundies that it’s so difficult to determine their parody from fact.
They’ve had enough. They’re deploying the ninja nuns now. The Sisters of Our Lady of Merciful Death. They kill you seven times and say a prayer for your soul before you hit the ground.
The whois info for christwire.org is bogus. Phone number and address are fake. A bit of googling yielded very little other than that no one seems to know if it’s a parody or not. I think it’s pretty obvious it’s a parody but whoever’s running the site is keeping pretty tight-lipped about it.
@Infophile:
Ah ha ha ha ha ha! Automatic COTW to whomever does the best YouTube Crocker-esque “LEAVE THE POPE ALONE” video.
@KristinMH: I think this is better evidence of poe: http://christwire.org/2009/02/stephen-colbert-for-president-timelapse-drawing-on-money/
apart from that, the penis on the roof image comes from a real story found here: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/5041848/Teenager-paints-60ft-phallus-on-roof-of-family-home.html
Nothing in the story suggests that the kid is gay, but seems to have done this as a prank.
Dear Soresport,
I run a serious but fanatical website called christwire.org, people are attacking it everyday not allowing me to express my small minded and hurtful views without disagreement? What should I do?
–Amber
Dear Amber,
F*&^k You.
If the Vatican didn’t want the Pope being made the object of derision they wouldn’t have put him in that damn silly hat.
@killyosaur42: I messed up the links. http://christwire.org/2009/02/stephen-colbert-for-president-timelapse-drawing-on-money/
&
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/5041848/Teenager-paints-60ft-phallus-on-roof-of-family-home.html
@killyosaur42: I saw that the father’s punishment for the kid:
Now that’s good parentin’
“Masturbation will make your daughter very comfortable exploring her body…”
And wouldn’t that be tragic!
there’s no way that those responses on christwire can be real. I think they’re in the same “look how ridiculous this is” boat as ben stein, who I still don’t believe is a creationist.
I contacted Christwire, waiting for a response:
To: [email protected]
From: Jason B
Subject: Please point me to these studies! I need them before its too late!
Amber,
I don’t know how much time I have left. Everyone in house knows my sister is using several of these sex toys, and my parents don’t want to say anything because they are embarrassed. Even my baby brother has seen them, because he gets into drawers and stuff, and he just came out in the living room with this giant blue thing, humming and spinning. My sister ran and took it from him and hid it, and we all are pretending we didn’t see what we saw, but this is silly. I snuck into her room today and found a bunch of stuff in her closet like this, some really big, like I don’t know where they would fit! And I know where they’re supposed to go b/c I went to our Youth Group Health Class and they showed us!
Please help, I need to convince my parents that, not only is the devil living in my sister’s closet and running on batteries, but its proven to cause prostitution! Otherwise this will only get worse!
Jason B.
Never mind Christwire… I am actually having trouble believing that the goddamn Vatican sent their international spokesperson to the press to ask them to stop picking on the Pope.
And they “won’t tolerate” mockery? Seriously? What are they going to do? Call my mom?
Oh god, please don’t call my mom…
COW @Steve:
“Ah, it’s a controversy, is it? I guess condom use preventing disease is “just a theoryâ€, then?”
i’ve only done minimal perusing but please confirm that they christwire site is a parody, please. i fear it’s not though.
We will not accept the Pope being made the object of mockery and offence, in the media or elsewhere,†said Angelo Bagnasco, the country’s top bishop, citing the “controversy about condomsâ€.
He’s doing a fine job of that on his own thank you very much!
Okay this is even better:
http://christwire.org/2009/03/black-mom-names-her-daughter-marijuana-pepsi-sawyer/
This site has me laughing so much I can’t breathe!
o.k. parody it is, but yeah what @Jen: said.
What does it tell us when of the three examples of religious craziness the only one that was satire was the one that doesn’t kill people.
@w_nightshade: Yes, they will call your mom.
@NoReply: Yes it would be tragic if a woman grew up to know how she wished to be pleased.@museThis: Hey, its one thing to make fun of his statements but leave his fashion sense alone!
@Rebecca: Hmm, tempted to do that myself, but I have zero YouTubing skills (and not much resemblance to Chris Crocker, but that’s a minor point). I still haven’t even figured out how to record a video with my computer’s built-in webcam.
@pkitty:
These are important and scientifical statements.
Did you know that 100% of girls whose Christian mothers listens to them masturbate and then tell them about it in detail end up seeking formal emancipation from their parents and becoming neo-pagans.
@infinitemonkey: I’d rather he had run his emergency checklist and saved his passenger’s lives.
What a maroon! :-( How did he ever get a Commercial pilot’s license?
@museThis: But if they didn’t put him in the silly hat there would be no way to tell who had ultimate authority!
Dear Catholic Church: You let yourself in for this. That Gutenberg guy invented an infernal machine for printing Bibles. You didn’t stomp him flat, and now look where you are!
But that’s spilt milk, isn’t it? Genie out of the bottle, and all that? Yep.
So cope, and here’s how: If you want the Pope not to be mocked, the first fundamental step is to get him to stop saying stupid things to reporters.
Oh, and by the way, while I’m on the subject of religion, I’m certain that ChristWire is a parody site. It’s a stunning thing to have accomplished, but they manage to be just a bit too out there to be the real thing.
@ virginskepchick & killyosaur42:
So the question is, if you were made into the SuperJebus powered leader of the Catholic church, would you then have the ability to refuse to wear a frakkin ridiculous hat?
The hat’s just a diversion to keep silly atheists from witnessing about the real issues: An old celibate man nominally has power to decide what 1 milliard people should think about contraceptives.
And as to what they’ll do if people don’t stop with the mockering. Mockering the pope is probably a worse crime than raping minor step-children, so anyone engaging in it will be excommunicated.
Hehe. Haven’t used “mockering” in a while. It’s a good word.
ChristWire’s 404 page is enough to convince me it’s a parody.
@NoReply: Well if I’m clueless about how to please a woman, it’s only fair that she be left in the dark, too.
@Lyc “electrolysis is performed on deuteron”
I had electrolysis performed on *my* deuteron.
I was just so darned tired of shaving it every day.
I’m definitely voting Parody, but I agree that it’s sad that it’s hard to tell. I think its just that tab bit over the top that gives it away, but I am tempted to e-mail Amber and ask.
After reading the comments I definitely think it’s fake.
@museThis: Sure but why would I?
@Andrés Diplotti: Ah. So the Jesuits are being deployed again, are they…?
@w_nightshade: So long as they don’t start riots and demand the immediate execution of “offenders,” I can live with their discomfort.
@AgnosticOracle:
“What does it tell us when of the three examples of religious craziness the only one that was satire was the one that doesn’t kill people.”
Because satire is held to a higher standard?
> Is it OK for my Christian daughter to masturbate?
Depends if the universe is ruled by a sexually repressed deity or not.
I know about Poe’s law and everything, but that Christwire site HAS to be a parody. They have a long analysis of WWII explaining how the US beat the pants off the German/CHINESE alliance because God was on our side. I have a difficult time believing anyone knowledgeable enough to put up such a sophisticated website would not know who the belligerents were in WWII.