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High Hat Hiatus

My apologies to anyone who has me on their Fantasy Blogging Team, but it seems that I’m going on the DL.  I’ve been dogging a back injury for about a month now, but I’m officially out for the next couple of weeks.

I tried my best to get Monkeys and High Hats up yesterday, unfortunately my butt hurts and I can’t sit for more than 5 minutes at a time… unless I take pain killers.  Then I can sit for a good long while but can’t handle thinking and typing at the same time.  In fact, thinking in and of itself is quite difficult.

Those of you following my tweets are aware that my husband has offered an “alternative therapy” that I am rather skeptcial about.  If anyone has tried it or has found any studies on it, let me know.  But until I get some solid data on it’s effectiveness, I think I’ll hold off.  If anyone is conducting a study on this therapy, let me know.

In the mean time, if you are looking to help me recover, here are some things you can do:

  • Comment on this post with hilarious jokes
  • Send me sexy pictures of your skeptical selves
  • Hire me a 21-year-old, Latino, shirtless, sexy man-nanny to help me with Moose and give me butt massages
  • Send booze
  • Buy a calendar
  • Enter this month’s contest
  • Buy me a laptop with wifi so I can blog from my bed and couch
  • Send more booze

Hopefully my butt will be in working order soon so I can get back to bringing you skeptical hilarity, monkeys, and boobs.

Elyse

Elyse MoFo Anders is the bad ass behind forming the Women Thinking, inc and the superhero who launched the Hug Me! I'm Vaccinated campaign as well as podcaster emeritus, writer, slacktivist extraordinaire, cancer survivor and sometimes runs marathons for charity. You probably think she's awesome so you follow her on twitter.

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40 Comments

  1. An old man goes out for his morning walk.
    He stops at the bakers and waits in line.
    When it’s his turn, he drops to the ground and does 10 push-ups, then leaps to his feet.
    “How old do you think I am?” he asks the baker.
    “Not sure,” replies the baker, “about 65?”
    “I’m 78!” exclaims the old man with a smile.
    He continues his walk, and decides to stop in at the grocers.
    Again, when it’s his turn for service, he drops down and does 10 push-ups.
    “How old do you think I am?” he asks the grocer.
    “You can be older than 60,” says the grocer.
    The grocer is obviously impressed when the man beams, “I’m 78!”
    The old man leaves the grocers and starts heading home.
    On his way he approaches an old lady waiting for a bus.
    Once more he drops down and does 10 push-ups. “How old do you think I am?” he asks.
    The lady looks him over. She says, “Here. Hold these”, and fills his arms with her shopping.
    To his shock, she then thrusts her hand down the front of his pants. He’s too startled to even move and stands there, mouth agape, as she spends almost a full minute having a really good feel around.
    Finally, she removes her hand from his pants, looks at him and says, “you are 78 years old”.
    The old man cannot believe his ears. “How in the world did you figure that out?” he asks.
    “Easy,” says the old lady, “I was in line behind you at the bakery”.

  2. I have occasional back pain, and I bought a spray called Biofreeze for temporary pain relief. It is AWE-SOME! After about a minute, the spray causes your skin and muscles to feel really cold and numb. The effect lasts for about an hour.

    Back pain is no fun. I hope you feel better soon.

  3. I have occasional back pain, and I bought a spray called Biofreeze for temporary pain relief. It is AWE-SOME! After about a minute, the spray causes your skin and muscles to feel really cold and numb. The effect lasts for about an hour.

    I had the no effect from it, and i was pissed off because it was ridiculously expensive. Oh, well.

  4. @Bob,

    If you are reading this, thank you! That DEFINITELY helped. Feel free to respond to the following notice:

    NOW HIRING

    21-year-old, Latino, shirtless, sexy man-nannies to help Skepchicks with daily tasks. Experience working with children not necessary. Strong hands required. Ability to mix drinks a plus.

    Apply by responding to this thread.

  5. A blind man walks into a sports bar with his seeing eye dog and orders a drink. He strikes up a conversation with the bartender and asks “Do you want to here a dumb blond joke?”

    The bar tender looks at him annoyed and responds “I happen to be a blond and happen to have a black belt in karate. On your right is the woman’s weight lifting champion who happens to be blond. On your left is a black belt in Judo who happens to be blond. Behind you is a female professional wrestler who also happens to be blond.”

    She give the blind man a pissed off stare and asks “Are you sure you still want to tell your joke and risk offending us?”

    The blink man responds “Nah, I do not want to repeat myself four times.”

  6. Statistics show most guys are interested in administering your spousal prescribed form of therapy; regardless of any associated pathology being experienced by said partner. That you may get relief from your neuromuscularskeletal problems is I’m sure just the opportunity he’s been looking for…; not to mention that if there is any associated relief regular and frequent sessions may be required to maintain the benefit!!

  7. A man walks into a Catholic church, and goes into the confessional. He says to the priest, “I’m 80 years old, my wife passed away two years ago, and last night I had sex with two 18-year-old twins.”

    “Oh. I see,” said the priest. “And how long has it been since your last confession?”

    “Well,” the man says, “I’ve never been to confession. Actually, I’m Jewish.”

    The priest says “So what are you telling me for?”

    And the man replies “Are you kidding, I’m 80 years old, and I just had sex with two 18-year-old twins! I’m telling everybody!”

  8. Hi Elyse,
    Got a bad back myself, so I can sympathize. I’ve had surgery on it twice, which was twice too many IMHO. AllI can suggest is talking to your local MD for some Vicodin or something similar. Hope your on your feet (or whatever) soon.

  9. Elyse,
    sorry your not yourself! My husband is a Physical Therapist and he says you should see a physical therapist and do the exercises at home.-That should help and if you are on the computer for long periods of time you should take 10 minute breaks.. walk around and stretch.
    He has taught me about ergonomics (make sure your computer seat is good, eye level to the computer is accurate, the mouse should be on the left side nearest the keyboard– stuff like that can help you. I hope you are are on the mend soon!

  10. QuestionAuthority and Joshsmom:

    Thanks for the suggestions. I’ve actually been to the doctor and been in physical therapy for a couple of weeks. I’m going to a specialist next week so we can hopefully nip this thing in the BUTT once and for all… or perhaps once a week if the specialist agrees with my husband.

  11. rystefn,
    yes, the left side because most people utilize the left side of the keyboard more than the right. So the mouse is closer to your body– otherwise you are reaching way too far to the right which can cause problems with your back. :)

  12. From the fact that your back aliment is near the butt, I’m guessing it’s an L5-S1 compressed nerve root and/or bulged disc. Am I close?

    The lumbar spine is curved along the saggital plane in what’s called lordosis. (The middle of the L-spine is more anterior than the top and bottom.) hyperlordosis is when the lordotic angle is greater than what it “should” be, and is a very common reason for lower back pain.

    Two widely accepted home therapies for LBP are traction and flexion. If you have a kid’s jungle-gym, hang yourself upside down from the monkey bars (or something simliar.) This puts your spinal column in tension instead of compression, and temporarily relieves pressure on the disc/nerve root in question.

    The other is flexion. Get on your hands and knees, and arch your back as much as possible. This flexes the FSU in question, and relieves posterior pressure on the disc/root.

    A side affect of flexion is that it puts one in a position well suited for your husband’s alternative therapy. I suggest 45 minutes twice a day of flexion, combined with the alternative therapy once a day.

    In a week if your back is better, don’t thank me, thank your husband.

    /not a doctor.

  13. I understand your skepticism about Dr Cornelius Cockin’s work with Dr Angus Butt. Even if it is one of his more controversial collaborations, you cannot discount the fine work Dr. Cockin has done with others:
    Dr. Dampen Vag
    Dr. Hans Cleevage
    Dr. Sheeraz Handjb
    Dr. Lucy Mouthe

    When my fiancee had two back surgeries in one year virtually all those techniques helped greatly in her recovery. Then again if you’re not interested in any of those couplings of medical professionals, you might have to remind your husband of the work of Dr. Frank-Lee Justgoawayandhaveawank.

  14. A man wakes up one morning and hears a voice saying “Quit your job, sell everything you own, and go to Las Vegas.” The man ignores the voice.

    Later that day, he hears the voice again: “Quit your job, sell everything you own, and go to Las Vegas.” He ignores it again.

    Soon though, he’s hearing it wherever he goes: “Quit your job, sell everything you own, and go to Las Vegas.” Eventually he can’t take it anymore, so he does it. He quits his job, sells everything he owns, and goes to Las Vegas.

    As he gets off the plane, he hears the voice say “Go to Caesar’s Palace.” He goes to Caesar’s Palace. Once inside, the voice says “Go to the roulette wheel.” He goes to the roulette wheel. “Put everything on black 17.” He puts it all, all the money from selling everything he owns, on black 17. The croupier spins the wheel. The ball goes around and around, and finally comes to rest on red 23.

    The voice says, “Fuck.”

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