Skepticism

Napoleon’s boner part

Here’s a question you’ve never asked:  What ever happened to Napoleon’s penis?

Or maybe you have asked it.  I don’t know.  I just know I never asked… probably because the answer was so much more disturbing and disgusting than I could ever hope.

Either way, the answer to the question, “What ever happened to Napoleon’s penis?” is:

It’s in some chick’s basement in New Jersey.

Of course, that seems like a snopes worthy piece of trivia, but apparently, it’s true.  (Mostly SFW video after the fold)

I’ve been left somewhat speechless after seeing that… and nauseated.

I never want to hear the words “mummified” or “skin is shriveled and reduced” to describe genetalia… ever.

Also, the skeptic in me should know better, but I always liked using “severed genitals in the basement” rule to indicate one’s fitness for society.  Apparently it also could mean that it was bequeathed to you by your late father.

On that note, I need to call my dad and ask him to please just leave me the T-bird.

hat tip to Jezebel.com
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Elyse

Elyse MoFo Anders is the bad ass behind forming the Women Thinking, inc and the superhero who launched the Hug Me! I'm Vaccinated campaign as well as podcaster emeritus, writer, slacktivist extraordinaire, cancer survivor and sometimes runs marathons for charity. You probably think she's awesome so you follow her on twitter.

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30 Comments

  1. Yah, the things you find in New Jersey, indeed. That shot of the artist’s recreation…is it all secret-camera-y for effect, or do you guys think they secretly filmed it? That thing in the box looks like a grub or something. What’s with the ripples?
    *endless shudder*

  2. New Jersey are the same people that brought us Rebecca Watson… strange, isn’t it?

    I think they couldn’t film it because it’s not safe for TV. Not because Napoleon doesn’t want you taking pictures of his dong.

  3. Beethoven would be infuriated with that film! ;) But then, he was always getting angry…

    The music clips were, of course, from his Third Symphony, known as “Eroica,” which originally honored Napoleon. But as Napoleon’s true colors later became known, Beethoven angrily scratched out references to Napoleon on the score. The music remains, however, as one of humanity’s finest musical achievements.

  4. vreify:

    I’ve been looking for an excuse to use that pun since I was 8. That or “Napoleon Boner Fart.”

    I also have a tough time sitting through Cardinal games because I giggle uncontrollably whenever someone mentions Pujols… and don’t say the word “duty” around me if you’re trying to have a serious discussion.

    I’m a 10 year old boy trapped in the body of a 31 year old woman.

  5. Elyse,
    “I’m a 10 year old boy trapped in the body of a 31 year old woman.”

    Bah.. You should try keeping a straight face though a course on Fracture Mechanics as an engineering student.

    You have a classroom filled with about 140 guys and 6 girls, and the entirety of the course focuses around such topics as: Cleavage, Crack Propagation, Methods for stopping crack propagation (such as drilling out the tip of the crack and ‘filling the crack’ when dealing with brittle structures), and etc…. This really just goes on.

    It was made even worse by the fact that one of the girls was VERY generously endowed, and obviously found the whole thing at least as funny as us guys did.

    *shakes head* No one, and I mean NO ONE, can insinuate a completely improper joke while talking to the professor about any of these topics like an attractive, busty, woman can.

    You non-engineery types really don’t know what your missing when you can’t have completely normal, mixed gender, work related conversations about such things.

    Of course, none of that beats the time that the female professor for a vibration analysis class accidentally implied dealings with an overpowered, vibrating, dildo, but *shrug* what can one say in the face of science ehh?

    Yup, it’s enough to make me wish I was back in school sometimes. ;)

  6. Further proof that all good things reside in Jersey. The Shore, pizza, Greek diners, LOLKates, Monopoly, Rebecca Watson (yes, I still claim her as our own) and Napoleon’s junk. Go Team!

  7. Though I live in Scotland now, a piece of my heart will always belong to my childhood home in the rolling hills around the Delaware River.

    “Kiss her where it smells… take her to New Jersey!” R.I.P. Mr. Carlin.

  8. “I’m a 10 year old boy trapped in the body of a 31 year old woman.”

    You must be a very excited little boy. All these new toys to play with…

    I have always wanted to personally meet someone named Hilary. And then later, when she made a joke, I would say–how HILARY-OUS.
    I know, I know. I should stick with dead baby jokes.

  9. Only in Noo Joizy.

    True, nothin’ beats a Big Fat Greek Diner with a Big Fat Greek Menu and a Big Fat Greek Dessert Display right where it’s the first thing you see as you walk into the place.

    Getting rid of the traffic circles was a ripoff though.

  10. I am considering driving to Englewood immediately after work to see if I can get a look at the genuine article, but I did already look at one dessicated penis within the past week. I’m not sure if I can handle another.

  11. HA! NJ WINS… Again, I love my state! Also LOLKATE forgot: Drive-in Movie theaters, one in Vineland that is still operational and awesome, and the first one was in Camden; The best town to live in according to Money Magazine 2006 (Moorestown, NJ (Where I live), The Pine Barrens, and so much more I can’t remember right now.

  12. Ha! Fracture Mechanics must be very similar to Structural Geology, although I think most geology classes are full of innuendo. It must be all the time we spend together outside getting dirty & sweaty while hammering & licking rocks.

    My own personal favorite geology word is orogeny–it means mountain building event. Really. And “orogenic event” is proper English too. I encourage all Skepchick readers to start incorporating phrases such as “Bring orogeny back to Minnesota!” into their conversations.

  13. “I’m a 10 year old boy trapped in the body of a 31 year old woman.”

    You and my wife. By day, she is a mild mannered nurse. But let someone tell a fart joke and it’s like she jumps into a phone booth and becomes… ta da! 10-year-old Boy!

    The fart scene from Eddie Murphy’s first Nutty Professor movie, the diarea scene from Van Wilder… and the list goes on. I just know if we see a movie and it has farting in it, we’re going home right after, because new underwear will be required…

    TomDG! Dude! First I find out Rebecca is from my home town and then I find out my daughter and I are not the only living skeptics left in the Pine Barrens! BTW, you are right, Vineland’s drive-in rocks!

  14. NOBODY expects the New Jersey Penisquisition–!

    (No, I live in PA, about 30 mins. south of Philadelphia. I am a Philly kid, but spent most of my growing-up life in South Jersey. I LOVE the Pine Barrens.)

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