Skepticism

July Contest- Skeptical Drinks are a Skepchick’s Best Friend

Summer is here, and it’s getting really hot out. Water is probably the best thing to quench a Skepchick’s thirst, but at the same time, where’s the fun in that? That’s where this month’s contest comes in…

The Lowdown:

  • Make up a drink with Skeptical theme
  • Using: Vodka, Whiskey, Tequila, and/or Kahlua
  • Entries in by midnight July 16.
  • Skepchicks will decide winner during a secret Skepchick Judging Ceremony
  • Winner will be determined by deliciousness and creativity
  • Winner receives SurlyRamics necklace

Post your concoctions in the comments section. Our livers cannot wait to see what you all cook up!

Jill

Jill is forever chained to her art desk, scribbling away.

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68 Comments

  1. This one’s called the Homeopathic Hangover Cure:

    1 oz. vokda
    1 cubic lightsecond (9.1×10^29 ounces) water

    Pour into an extra large ice-filled shaker. Serve with lime wedge.

    —-
    too obvious? :)

  2. I’m not a drinker, but I’ll have a go:

    3/4 oz Vodka
    1/4 oz Chocolate liqueur, pref. Godiva Dark (’cause skepchicks just love their chocolate)
    1 1/4 oz Milk punch (’cause what’s chocolate without milk?)
    1/4 oz Coconut milk (’cause somehow, I always think of coconuts when I think of skepchicks…)

    Shake, sprinkle with mint leaves, and decorate with a bent spoon; place glass on top of a small magnet next to a compass and serve.

    It’s the “Uri Gellbanger.”

  3. Religion

    – Mix equal parts whiskey, tequila, vodka and illegal moonshine.

    – Apply label to container: “Religion is not dangerous in any way. The more religion one has, the better they are. No part of Religion is illegal and those who say otherwise are evil secular anti-alcohol leftists.”

    – Drink Religion liberally and force others to drink it as well.

    – If anyone else makes a batch of Religion, it is inferior to yours. Force-feed them your own batch of Religion until they are drunk enough with Religion to either “convert” (Religion-user slang for professing the awesomeness of your own Religion) or die.

    Warning: The label is entirely false.

    Warning: If you must consume Religion, do it socially, rarely and with great caution.

    Warning: Religion is highly addictive and has been known to destroy lives.

    Warning: Keep your Religion away from children.

    Warning: While under the influence of Religion, please do not vote.

  4. I’m no bartender myself, but I’ll give this a try.

    I call this one “Global Warming.”

    Take a glass of tropical fruit juice, and add frozen tequila as ice cubes (usually not achievable with conventional freezers, so you might need an industrial freezer, or at least some dry ice, to cool it to truly solid form). Top it off with a tiny plastic polar bear sitting on the ice cubes.

    As the cubes melt while you drink, up goes the tequila content of the drink — along with your temperature as the hot flashes strike. When the polar bear falls through to the bottom of the glass, you’ll know you’re toast(ed).

    ~David D.G.

  5. Ok, OMG. I’m just saying that I’m going to make several of the submissions for tasting during our Secret Skepchick Judging Ceremony, so can we just agree now to have it on a weekend?

    Also, some of us girls here like a pretty straightforward kind of drink. Less is more, you know. Just sayin’.

  6. Okay, okay…how about this:

    1/4 oz Vodka
    1/4 oz Coffee liqueur
    1 oz Light cream

    Mix ingredients and pour over ice. Surround with a belt of radiation (i.e., shine a light on it). Decorate with a teeny tiny little flag.

    It’s the NASA Moon Hoax.

  7. Why no Gin?! Well I suppose you could make this with vodka:

    Red Herring

    Highball glass with a few cubes
    Dash of Angostursa bitters
    Splash of Aperol
    1 1/2 oz. of Bombay Sapphire Gin
    3 oz. Tropicana Pure Premium Grapefruit juice (or freshly squeezed)

    Delicious!

  8. And now a real one…

    LOGICAL FALLACY
    1 part vodka
    1 part blue curacao
    1 part pineapple juice
    1 part champagne
    1 splash grenadine
    crushed ice

    Mix the liquor, champagne and juice in an ice-filled shaker. Strain into highball 1/4 filled with crushed ice. Add splash of grenadine.

    Mmmm… Delicious…

  9. Hmm… Let me think about this. How about…

    The Ambrose Bierce Cocktail, aka, “The Devil’s Due.”

    Fill an Old-Fashioned glass with ice water and allow to chill. While the glass is chilling, in a cocktail shaker, shake together:

    2 oz American rye whiskey (Russell’s is very nice, but Old Overholt is fine for half the price)
    a splash of blood orange juice
    2-3 drops of orange bitters (e.g., Peychaud’s)
    crushed ice

    Drain the well-chilled glass. In the bottom, muddle together:

    1/2 tsp “raw” cane sugar (demerara, crushed piloncilo, etc.)
    1-2 dashes of Cholula hot sauce

    Strain the chilled whiskey mixture into the prepared glass. Do not stir.

    Garnish with a twist of blood orange peel.

    Much like the great 19th c. skeptic and author, this sour, bitter American classic goes out with mysterious bang somewhere in central Mexico.

    (Okay, I just made this up off the top of my head, but it’s sounding pretty good to me. Kind of a spicy variation on a Sazerac.)

  10. Also, for the record, I am all about something more eclectic. My signature drinks here at home are the black peppercorn tangerine martini and margaritas made with basil.

    Though I have no problem with straight forward and simple. :)

  11. Okay, I got myself a WordPress account just so I could post my made-up recipe. But I have to tell you this: I don’t have any blood oranges, and I have no raw sugar, but just for kicks, and to see whether the most outrageous flavors would blend well, I threw together some Old Overholt rye with Peychaud’s bitters and Cholula hot sauce on the rocks.

    Dear Non-existent God, it is awesome. Please make my recipe. The blood orange and sugar would smooth it out for people who don’t ordinarily drink hard stuff plain. But the basic mix of rye, orange bitters, and Mexican hot sauce is astounding.

    If I win the competition, I would like the Skepchicks to donate the equivalent value of the jewelry to Skepchick, Teen Skepchick, or the charity of their choice.

  12. The pangalactic gargleblaster

    take the juice from the bottle of that old janx spirit (rum)

    Pour it into one measure of water from the seas of Santraginus V (club soda)

    Allow three cubes of Arcturan Mega-gin to melt into the mixture (it must be properly iced or the benzene is lost). (frozen gin ice cubes)

    Allow four litres of Fallian marsh gas to bubble through it (in memory of all those happy Hikers who have died of pleasure in the Marshes of Fallia). (pure oxygen)

    Over the back of a silver spoon float a measure of Qualactin Hypermint extract, redolent of all the heady odours of the dark Qualactin Zones.
    (Crush some mint leaves with the spoon)

    Drop in the tooth of an Algolian Suntiger. Watch it dissolve, spreading the fires of the Algolian suns deep into the heart of the drink.
    (2 sugar cubes)

    Sprinkle Zamphour.
    (hell I don’t know, shake it up in a martini shaker and strain into a chilled martini glass)

    Add an olive

    Make a toast to science and shed a tear for our loss of Douglas Adams

  13. Pareidolia:

    variation on the White Russian

    1 oz Vodka
    1 oz Kahlua
    2 oz milk or cream

    Mix vodka and milk, then slowly add Kahlua one drop at a time, yelling out all the images you see in the mixing colors.

    Bonus: stir in tea leaves or spices for flavor. When you finish the drink, “read” the patterns in the leaves at the bottom of the glass.

  14. Just blend Vanilla Haagen Daz with orange juice. Add vodka to your own specs. I don’t really care what you call it, but you should be cautioned: on a really hot, stiffling Boston day it may make you believe in God.

    Don’t forget, simple beer did that for Benjamin Franklin:

    “Beer is proof God loves us and wants us to be happy.”

  15. Straightforward and simple huh?

    How about this:

    Get the first fluid receptacle you can find, but preferably a cracked plastic cup or a faded coffe mug with the ear broken off.

    Fill it halfway with Bushmills.

    Enjoy …

    Let’s call it “the Rebecca

  16. carr2d2:

    shanek: you are way too good at this. you should totally open up a skeptically themed bar.

    The ironic thing is, I’m a nondrinker. I have no idea if my concoctions would be any good or not.

  17. The Moving Goalpost:

    Place a small glob of tamarind paste in a shot glass so that it sticks to the bottom. The more it looks like poo the better. Fill the shot glass with vodka (Grey Goose in honor of Rebecca). Make a bold claim to the entire party that NOBODY can drink this shot. When somebody does drink the vodka, point out that they didn’t eat the shit at the bottom of it so your claim is still intact.

  18. The Ginger Martini:

    Take 1 to 2 oz of fresh ginger, peeled. Slice along the length. Then place the slices into a full bottle of vodka. Place the bottle in a cabinet, or dark counter. Once a day, take the bottle out and shake it. Repeat for about a week. The take an empty bottle of similar size. Place a funnel in the neck of the bottle, and some cheese cloth in the funnel. Then pour your ginger infused vodka into the once empty bottle.

    Now you may make a Ginger Martini, and Sorry Mr. Bond, but it’ll be stirred, not shaken.

  19. ***The Elián González***
    (not quite a black russian, not quite a white russian…more like an…Elian Gonzalez!)

    4 oz vodka
    4 oz kahlua
    2 scoops of coffee ice cream
    1 tray ice cubes

    blend.

    serve, while discussing the color of the drink.

  20. One of my personal favorites (which means I have no delusions of this winning any contest, but someone might still like) is the Whiskey Margarita.

    Kind of like a regular margarita, but with whiskey. I like to say it’s pushing the Whiskey Sour / Margarita boundary.

    squeeze a crapload of lemons, and a crapload of limes, until you get about 3/4 cup of juice.

    dissolve as much sugar as you can into the (room temp) juice, until you can’t dissolve anymore.

    add about 3/4 cup of water.

    dip the rim of some large juice glasses in the juice/sugar/water mixture, then dip them into a place of sugar.

    fill glasses with ice.

    pour about 2-3 shots of whiskey into the glass.

    fill with juice/sugar/water mixture.

    drink.

  21. The Straw Man

    1 fresh mint leaf
    2 thin slice honeydew melon
    1 oz. Jose Cuervo Platino Tequila
    6 oz club soda

    Muddle mint leaf and one slice melon in the bottom of a Tom Collins glass. Add ice. Pour tequila and club soda vigorously. Garnish with remaining melon slice.

  22. Schrödinger’s cat

    1 oz whiskey
    2 oz pineapple juice
    1 coin
    1 friend

    Mix whiskey and pineapple juice, and pour over ice. Ask your friend to go into an adjacent room, close the door, and come back in 5 minutes. Start flipping your coin. If if comes up heads 5 times in a row before your friend comes back, immediately consume the drink. If not, your friend gets to drink it.

  23. The Quea-Z Myers:

    1. Eat a raw calamaro
    2. Take a shot of Tequila
    3. Shout an invective at Ben Stein
    4. “Expel” your lunch

    For the really hardcore, substitute a pharyngula stage embryo for the calamaro.

  24. I won’t bother with a clever name…..had too many of these (along with many mint juleps) yesterday and cleverness is in retrograde. This is tasty, though.
    4-6 basil leaves
    1/2 tsp sugar
    1 oz gin
    1/2 oz cointreau
    1/2 oz fresh lime juice
    1oz fresh grapefruit juice
    muddle basil and sugar in bottom of shaker to make a paste. fill shaker with ice, add rest of ingredients, shake until cold, strain into a rocks glass with ice, top with club soda.

  25. I’ve come to realize that after years of live action roleplaying, I mix my drinks for colour effects, not for taste or alcohol content.

    Still, if you want to find out how to make a drink look poisonous green, thick red (well, blood-coloured), bright luminous blue or so spicy even Toby wouldn’t want to drink it, I may have some pointers …

  26. @ wordplayer: I was gonna say, I didn’t think it was possible to freeze tequila at home because of the alcohol content. (Of course, in college, we could have just appropriated the industrial freezers in the dining hall, but I’m unfortunately not there now.) Something about frozen tequila cubes sounds damn good, though.

    As for the rest of this contest, I’ll be back tonight after I mix a few.

  27. Can I use absinthe? I’m going to use absinthe.

    No Such Thing as Green Fairies

    1 part absinthe (Kübler and Lucid are both legally available in America)
    At least 5 parts water
    Two dashes of Angostura bitters
    Sugar to taste
    Ice cubes
    A spoon

    First, pour in the dash of bitters and coat the glass. Be a little generous, you want to overwhelm the colour of the absinthe. Next, put in the ice cubes and pour the absinthe in over them. Put the sugar cube into the spoon, then pour the club soda over it.

    For a variation, skip the spoon business. Instead, mix the sugar, water, and Angostura separately. Next, pour the absinthe into your glass, which is already filled with ice. Then, pour the sugar/water/Agnostura mix into the absinthe. This works better with a green absinthe like Lucid, because you get to watch the colour change. ;)

    Garnish if desired. A lemon twist or orange slice might work.

    100% guaranteed not to make you see the Green Fairy unless you lace your absinthe with LSD.

  28. Right, I just whipped this up…

    INQUIRY
    1/2 oz fresh lime juice
    1/2 oz triple sec
    1/2 oz tequila
    1 1/2 oz vodka
    lemon lime soda
    slices of lime

    Shake first four ingredients together well and pour into glasses over ice. Add a splash or two of soda and a small slice of lime.

    For clearer results in one’s Inquiry, strain the lime juice or use Rose’s Sweetened Lime Juice, omitting the triple sec.

  29. Skeptical Screwdriver

    1. 4 oz Vodka, Ice Cold
    2. 1 Peeled Sectioned Orange.

    Place Orange in Tumbler. Pour Vodka over Orange. Eat Orange. Drink Vodka. Repeat.

    Skeptical Advantages:
    1. You won’t drink on an empty stomach.
    2. You mix the drink yourself, avoiding any questions about the contents.
    3. Works exactly like a Standard Screwdriver.

  30. The Natural Selection:

    Get bottles of all the interesting looking spirits and mixers you can find and place them on a table with a BIG bowl in the middle.
    First, have a sip out of all the bottles, putting a part of all the ones which work best in the bowl. Repeat the process for mixers, until you have a drink which works well. Add lemon.
    You can adapt the drink throughout the evening, so it will continue to get better with time.
    Try not to come out with a drink which is so good that some attendees at the party will not believe it was only invented by chance, declare it as irreducibly complex, and insist that you are part of a big conspiracy to hide the fact that the drink was really designed by someone else.

    Or

    The Ontological:

    Imagine the perfect, skeptical drink. It must be completely perfect. In order to be completely perfect, it has to exist. Ergo, I win.

  31. So there is already a nice drink out there that fits the bill.

    Woo Woo Martini Recipe

    Ingredients
    3 oz. Cranberry Vodka
    1/2 oz. Peach Schnapps
    Mixing Instruction
    Shake with cracked ice and strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with a lemon twist.

    Maybe relabel it the “Hahnemann Woo Woo Martini” and put 20x after every ingredient but the ice. :-)

  32. These are ones which will actually taste nice…I think?

    Iguanadon Downsizing

    3/4 oz vodka
    3/4 oz Tequila
    3/4 oz Kahlua
    Add lime squeeze & a slice to garnish
    Drink in the company of a reptile, or two (if you know any bankers)

    Primordial Soup

    1 oz Kahlua
    3 oz cream
    1 oz vodka
    In a glass with ice
    Top off with chocolate sprinkles or chocolate syrup.
    *Not to be drunk in a thunderstorm or in extreme temperatures*

    Brave Bullsh!t

    1 1/2 oz Tequila
    3/4 oz Kahlua
    In a glass with ice

    N.B. You’ll be less likely to spill this c.f. “The High-Hatted Creamed Chocolate Monkey” while laughing at the ass-clownery in P&T’s Bullsh!t

  33. The Sylvia Browne:

    1 oz creme de framboise
    1 oz chocolate liqueur
    1 oz banana liqueur

    Serve over ice, topped w/ milk (or half & half)
    * Must be served with a flag that reads “Your kid is dead.”

  34. This one isn’t mine, but the inventor is probably lost in the vastness of time and space.

    It’s not so much a drink as it is a shot, but it’s smooth, delicious, and easy to make.

    Ingredients:
    Tequila, 1 shot (40ml-ish)
    Sprite (7-up or Sierra Mist, but I prefer Sprite)

    Hardware:
    Tall shotglass with a thick bottom(http://www.engravingcreations.com/images/Products/Glassware/Shots/41201-Shot-Glass.jpg I’m sure there’s a technical name for that style glass, and I apologise for not knowing it).
    Napkin (optional)

    Method:
    1) Poor the tequila into the tall shotglass.
    2) Fill the rest of the glass with the soda of your choice, leaving around 1/4″ to 1/2″ of space at the top of the glass.
    3) Cover the shotglass with the napkin and press down on the top hard with one hand.
    4) With the other hand, grip the shotglass and lift into the air.
    5) Slam the shotglass down with force on a hard surface. I cannot stress this enough – you must slam this with force. If the shot does not fizz dramatically, you’ve hit it too softly. This is very bad, as some of the carbination will be lost, and even a second, more forcefull slam will not produce as good of an effect as desired. I repeat, tap that with gusto!
    6) Immediately drink in one gulp.

    If the tequila flavor is very strong, you probably did not hit it with enough force.

    This is a great shot, and a fun party drink. We use it as a backup for when we run out of limes, or sometimes just as a change of pace.

    Enjoy!

  35. Home-Brew-Meopathy

    -One glass of beer
    -Ten glasses of water

    Dip your finger in the beer, then let one drop fall into the first glass of water. Shake well.

    Repeat by adding a drop from one glass to the next, down the line.

    Drink the 10th glass.

  36. Perfect Peach

    (have gotten hammered on this more than once, and I try not to think about the caloric content of the orange juice)

    1 shot Absolut Apeach
    1 shot peach schnapps
    4 oz. orange juice

    Shake and pour over ice in highball glass.

    Top with generous splash of cranberry juice, which will trickle sexily around the ice cubes and cause the drink to resemble (and, oddly enough, taste like) a ripe peach.

    Drink.

    Have another.

  37. For my fellow skeptic teetotalers:

    “Bloody Virgin Mary”

    Fill one tall glass with ice. Add tomato juice (& optional homeopathic spices) then allow the glass to begin to sweat.

    Take the glass to a table and press down several times to make a smiley face pattern (eyes and mouth, halo is optional).

    Now jump to your feat and exclaim that Mary has appeared to you. Then go and sell the table on E-bay.

  38. The Big Bang Blue Martini:
    (makes two big strong and decidedly non supernatural drinks)

    •Six shots Bombay Blue Sapphire Gin (sorry I know the “lowdown” didn’t mention gin, but you just can not make this with vodka)
    •One shot Stock extra dry vermouth. (Stock brand is really the best IMHO)
    •Small piece of lemon peal
    •Extra large pimento stuffed martini olives (never use the ones stuffed with garlic, onions or hot peppers for this drink)
    •Real French Roquefort cheese.

    Put your gin in the freezer the day before to allow it to freeze and become the consistency of syrup. It will not freeze and break the bottle… I promise. And put the vermouth in the refrigerator to chill also, Put your martini glasses in the freezer for 20 min. to half an hour before making your drinks.

    Pull the pimento out of four olives, stuff them with the Roquefort cheese and place them in the glasses in the freezer about five to ten minutes before mixing the drink.

    Fill your martini shaker 2/3 full with cold hard ice and add the lemon peel, gin and vermouth, shake vigorously for a at least 20 seconds and strain into your martini glass using a spring coil drink strainer instead of the holes in the top of the shaker as this allows more ice crystals to get into your glass. Look into your glass, this is what the universe looked like after the big bang with the olives representing the gas giants and the ice loose matter with infinite potential.

    As you enjoy your libation and admire the complexity of flavors and swirling little ice shards in your glass, ponder the amazing thing that is our universe, and what an astonishing series of events have preceded your existence, and how nice it is to live a life not controlled by irrational fears, superstitions and notions of controlling spirits, demons and ghosts. Then make another martini!!!!

  39. Alright, I spent the evening with my bartender friend at his bartender job. Please excuse any slurring in this post, as we were testing and refining recipes for the last several hours.

    I have revised my “Ambrose Bierce cocktail recipe” from comments 12 – 13 so that it uses commonly available ingredients and is mixable without dirtying three glasses. I still think the previous recipe would be much tastier, but if you’re in a hurry, I give you:

    Ambrose Bierce cocktail 2.0

    Ingredients:

    2-3 dashes bitters*
    1-2 dashes hot sauce of your choice*
    2-3 oz bourbon or rye**
    1 orange wedge.

    1. Fill a rocks glass with ice.
    2. Over the ice, add bitters and hot sauce.
    3. Fill glass with whiskey.
    4. Rim the glass with orange; squeeze the remaining juice out and drop the mangled orange wedge in the glass.

    * The exact proportions of bitters to hot sauce depend on your choice of brands. If you’re using, say, Peychaud’s orange bitters and Cholula hot sauce, you want the proportions roughly 50/50. If you’re using Angostura and Tobasco, you want the proportions closer to 2:1. The hotter (and less flavorful) the hot sauce, the less you want to use. If you’re using an orange bitters like Peychauds, you can probably cut back a bit on the bitters. Frank’s or Tapa Tio, you could use less hot sauce. If the only hot sauce you have is something like Sriracha or Golden Bell, you’re on your own, and I deny any involvement. You want the hot sauce to open up your mucus membranes without necessarily tasting the heat. I had one cocktail mixed up just about right, and a taster asked, “Is that ginger?” That’s the effect you’re going for.

    The finished drink should have a lovely warm orange/burnt umber sort of coloration. It is, perhaps, an autumn drink. But autumn is only a few months away.

    ** Rye is better than bourbon; cheaper is better than expensive. Expensive whiskeys tend to be smoother, but you want a whiskey with some edge, or else it will completely disappear in the mixers.

    I taste-tested this on the regulars at my neighborhood bar, who are all barflies of refined tastes and sensibilities. The reactions ranged from, “Howard, your cocktail is weird,” to “Tastes like a Manhattan, but spicy.” One statistical outlier said it tasted like Seagram’s and Coke, but that’s just stupid. Having enjoyed old-school cocktails from Sazeracs to Monkey Glands, I’d say that the Ambrose Bierce Cocktail tastes like a turn-of-the-last-century cocktail with a decidedly modern, multicultural twist.

  40. Grey Matter

    (Seems appropriate for all the smart people here.)

    3 oz. grapefruit juice
    1 oz. orange juice
    1 shot vodka
    1 shot Blue Curacao
    dash grenadine
    dash Black Raspberry schnapps (or other similarly dark-colored fruit liqueur)

    Shake and serve on the rocks.

    This drink is a deeply unappetizing shade of grey, but it is very good.

  41. OK, because it was requested, I give to you

    The Rystefn Body Shot generally safe for public consumption version

    You will need:
    2 shots (pick your size) of vodka
    1 spoonful (more or less) of sugar
    1 slice of lemon
    2 SkepChicks
    1 Rystefn

    The procedure is simple – use the SkepChicks to lightly dampen a small area of your Rystefn (using their tongues, pervert). Then, you sprinkle the sugar onto the damp skin (it should stick if you did it right). Place the Lemon slice between your Rystefn’s lips. Now you’re ready. Simply have the SkepChicks lick the sugar, take the shots, then eat the lemon. A good time is had by all.

    If you’re curious about the less safe for public consumption version, have your Rystefn hold the shots, and no hands allowed.

  42. “2 SkepChicks
    1 Rystefn”

    How are we going to organize the armwrestling match to determine which two it is? Or do we get to take turns? Can we pay extra for a solo attempt? Do we get a group discount if more than three drink at once?

    Actually, come to think of it, we’re damn cute — maybe you should be paying US for the favor. ;)

    Bellybutton shots are fun, but unless you have more than one navel, that would rule out the “2 Skepchicks” part of the recipe. (Also, if your bellybutton holds more than about 1/2 a shot, I don’t want to know.)

  43. Mostly because most bars aren’t going to be happy about that much chocolate pudding. Skepchick drinking games, though … THAT could be entertaining.

    For example, each Skepchick must shout the name of three recognized skeptics. Whoever finishes their list last has to drink the shot … etc., etc., etc.

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