Don’t High Hat the Principal

Indians have a lot of gods, and India has a lot of monkeys. You non-Indians might think those are unrelated facts, but you would be mistaken. We’ve seen modern shipping advances get stopped because just one god led an army of monkey warriors across a bridge. They even have a whole monkey god. His name’s Hanuman and he doesn’t think it’s cute when you do the “Ooo! Ooo! Ooo!” sound at him.

Hanuman

But there’s a drawback to being part of a pantheon. Yahweh has a monopoly, but poor Hanuman has to share profits with the rest of the shareholders. Even with a billion worshippers, it’s tough these days to scrape enough scratch for all your banana-related needs. (Sorry, Hanuman! Don’t fling poo at me!)

All of Hindu Nation should be embarrassed today, because Hanuman has been forced to get a day job.  Read more below the fold!

The Sardar Bhagat Singh College of Technology and Management recently opened and needed a chairman. All the other candidates were either already dead (Sinatra) or fictional (Apu, Kumar, Dinesh D’Souza). Hanuman’s cover letter highlighted his strength and valor. And he’s moved more mountains than Fareed Zakaria. Hanuman’s the ideal choice for the job.

And what a job! An incense-filled office, a desk and a laptop. Four chairs will be placed facing the empty seat chairman’s and all visitors must enter the office barefoot, according to vice chairman Vivek Kangdi.

VICE chairman! A lackey! I guess a god should be used to lackeys. I hope poor Vivek’s raises aren’t dependent on glowing performance reviews from his boss.

But seriously. I don’t know what a school chairman does, but how important can this job be if it can be filled by a myth? Here in the West, we see a lot of “God is my co-pilot” bumper stickers. In India, there will be a rash of “Hanuman is preparing my kid for medical school” signs. Does Hanuman prefer lectures or is he more into the Socratic method? The Vedas are vague on the subject.

You might think that I, being Indian, would be embarrassed for my home country. Nope. Not me. Why should I care that an institute of higher learning in India is sabotaging its duty and keeping flocks of young Indians mired in ignora–…. AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! YOU STUPID BASTARDS! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Sorry.

Lots of people in America are worried that the children here aren’t getting an education as good as the kids are getting in other countries. I see talking heads bicker about what to do about it all the time. The answer is obvious: be patient. At this rate, America will be number one again soon.  Or should I say, top banana?  No, that would be corny…

Cross-posted at Masala Skeptic.

Avatar of Masala Skeptic
Maria Walters (a.k.a. Masala Skeptic) has spent a lot of time in ‘furrin parts,’ including Hong Kong, Trinidad, and Pittsburgh. Although her passport is from India, she’s spent most of her adult life in the United States. She currently lives in Atlanta and has an unhealthy affection for science fiction, Neil Gaiman and all things Muppet.

12 Comments

  1. Avatar of Detroitus

    I’d go to that school! Think what a big hit I’d be at cocktail parties when I tell everyone how I earned a B.S. in Poo-Flinging! That would be loosely related to Aerospace Engineering I think…

  2. Avatar of genoboost

    I hope I speak for everyone when I say this is the set up to the best college comedy ever.

  3. Avatar of phlebas

    Think they teach evolution there?

    What is the team mascot for a school run by a monkey? A neanderthal? If so, is that a misunderstanding of evolution, or a meta-joke?

    And Detroitus — I’m afraid if you haven’t mastered poo-flinging by the time you graduate from Chester B. Haruman Junior High, you won’t get admitted.

  4. Avatar of Rav Winston

    Harumph! Sun Wukong would beat them ALL up with his mighty cudgel!

    And his gongfu poo-flinging skills.

  5. Avatar of Imrryr

    That cnn article leaves me with one question: is that really the traditional dress for a Hindu priest? Think of the money the Catholic church could save if it followed Hinduism’s lead in this area.

  6. Avatar of phlebas

    Imrryr, if you want to see the current pope (or ANY pope) dressed in swim trunks and a beach towel, more power to you. But I think even your Lt. George icon won’t protect you…

  7. Avatar of professorchaos

    Masala, do you know of instances where religious beliefs have impacted science education in India? I grew up in India, don’t remember encountering something like that. I was shocked when I came across opposition to teaching evolution in the US.

  8. Avatar of Imrryr

    I don’t know phlebas… the 11th century pope Benedict IX was said to have been elected before the age of 20, so he might’ve looked all right in swim trunks (provided he looked nothing like the portrait made after his death would indicate).

    If the mindless optimism of Lt. George can’t protect me then I guess I’ll just have to avert my eyes when someone tells me the pope is on TV and wearing swim trunks. But to be honest, that’s usually my reaction regardless of how the pope is dressed.

  9. Avatar of Masala Skeptic

    professorchaos // Jun 9, 2008 at 2:18 pm

    Masala, do you know of instances where religious beliefs have impacted science education in India? I grew up in India, don’t remember encountering something like that. I was shocked when I came across opposition to teaching evolution in the US.

    I haven’t seen that many instances where education has been impacted by religion in India, actually. Now, I haven’t lived in India in many years, but in my experience, science and education is held in very high esteem and keeping a secular viewpoint is as well. But I don’t have much empirical evidence one way or the other.

  10. Avatar of MoltenHotMagma

    I’m not sure any of you are looking at this from the right direction. I’ve seen a fair number of schools put into some really bad positions because of the shear incompetence of their chairman, (UNSW having to figure out how to make back the money lost on UNSW’s ‘second’ campus in China is a grand example of this -… Oh.. and that’s University of New South Wales in Sydney Australia for those who don’t know).

    I think that the Indians are have realized what most students and faculty members have known for years, (chairman = useless, pompous, politicking, ass kissing, money wasting prick on most occasions), and they have realized that the job really just calls for a figurehead who will stay out of the way.

    In that light, this is brilliant. Cutting out all sorts of waste. If the school DOESN’T function more effectively after this, then I will actually be surprised.

    Long live the monkey god! ;)

  11. Avatar of Masala Skeptic

    A fair point MHM – one thing I was wondering was, given the realities of corruption in India, is there actually a paycheck being sent to Mr. Hanuman J. Singh somewhere? I’d be willing to wager there is.

  12. Avatar of exarch

    Masala Skeptic:

    Here in the West, we see a lot of “God is my co-pilot” bumper stickers. In India, there will be a rash of “Hanuman is preparing my kid for medical school” signs. Does Hanuman prefer lectures or is he more into the Socratic method? The Vedas are vague on the subject.

    Considering the ease with which that u might accidentally morph into an e, I think the homeopathists, who seem to already have quite a foothold in India, are applauding this move.

    Hahnuman, the god of homeopathy …

    * shudder *

Add Comment Register



Leave a Reply