Anti-Science

World Homeopathy Awareness Week – Day 5: Animals

As we learned on Day 1, homeopathic remedies are not tested on animals. They are only tested on healthy humans. It has been pointed out to me by a reader that this is, in fact, not the case and I was directed to this site discussing research done on tadpoles. There are plenty of other examples like this one. And this article from the Physicians’ Committee for Responsible Medicine* lists a bunch more homeopathy studies done on animals. I thought I’d clear that up since tonight I’m talking about animals.

At this point I would like to just give you a little warning: This post is not about that homeopathic vet your co-worker’s psychic poodle sees. There are parts of this post involving the use of animals and their parts that might make you a little queasy. If you’d prefer, just check this out and check back for a new article tomorrow night. Everyone else, read on!

It is claimed that homeopathic remedies are usually vegan and are at least vegetarian. But then I found an article about barnyard animals, specifically horse milk, being used in remedies. It starts with a recap of a previous article discussing the use of dog milk. I wanted to barf a little bit right then and there, but I swallowed and kept reading so I could report back to you (you’re welcome). Some other remedies include good old fashioned cow’s milk, egg membrane, duck and pig livers, ox gall bladder, horse hair, horse “thumb nails”, and colt meconium.

As if homeopathy weren’t disgusting enough in the philosophical sense, it turns out to be even more disgusting in the literal sense. Vegan or not, there is never a reason for any being to ingest the thumbnail of any other being… never ever ever.

Supposedly it cures sore nipples. The past couple of weeks I’ve been nursing a teething infant. It’s pretty painful. Sometimes it’s hard not to cry. But there is no way it’s bad enough to try horse thumbnails.

And colt meconium? For those of you who are unaware, meconium is the nasty, tar-like, horrible fecal matter that hangs out in the intestines of a fetus. It is the nearly impossible to clean first bowel movement of a newborn. Both literally and figuratively, it’s horse shit.

So what does magic meconium cure? Sprained wrists and decreased sexual desire in men. It works out well since if you’re horny and just ate dung, you’re going to need to have a healthy wrist.

And if you were wondering what the deal is with dog milk, it’s pretty amazing! You can cure most anything from dreams about snakes to whiskey cravings to bloody pus.

But even more amazing was the horse milk remedy that this article was written about. The author tells us the story of 10-year-old Ginny:

We began to treat Ginny, age ten, six months ago. Normally we do not present cases unless they have a minimum of one year’s treatment but we are making an exception here because the improvement has been clear and dramatic from the beginning. A robust infant, Ginny began to gag frequently beginning at nine months of age. She talked easily, seemed normal in every way, and showed signs of precocity, similar to her older brother who was in a gifted program. The first grade teacher alerted Ginny’s parents of her difficulty with handwriting. The disparity between her IQ (at the level of a 12th grader) and her hand motor coordination (that of a five year-old) was marked. By the time Ginny reached second grade, she remarked at times about being stupid due to her challenge with handwriting. Over time Ginny lost interest in academics entirely.

So we have a 10-year-old girl who gagged as a 9-month-old, which is clearly relevant to the fact that currently she doesn’t like school. And when she was 6, her teacher was quite concerned that Ginny had the handwriting of a 5-year-old even though she reads at a 12th grade level. Most 12th graders don’t read at a 12th grade level… but the teacher is worried about Ginny’s handwriting… at age 6. And this is all somehow related to Ginny’s need to see a homeopath.

At this point, I’m confused why Ginny needs a doctor at all, but apparently I’m just dumb. The homeopath decides that the perfect treatment for Ginny is horse’s milk. This was the obvious course of treatment once we find this out about her:

This child demonstrated an equestrian interest at two years of age. Begging to go on pony rides, at seven Ginny’s parents set her up with a riding instructor which made her “the happiest kid in the world.” An animal lover, riding was Ginny’s passion of passions. Extremely gentle with all animals, she dreamed of running an animal rescue center. Ginny loved nothing more than to show her horse.

Don’t read that again… your head will fucking explode. So I will just confirm your confusion. Yes, 10-year-old Ginny went to a “doctor” because she doesn’t like school, has bad penmanship and she gagged when she was a baby. Yes, she was treated with horse milk because she likes horses.

I’m not going to quote any more of this article because each time I re-read it, I get stupider.

(Right now all I hear in my head is Lewis Black saying, “If it weren’t for my horse I wouldn’t have spent that year at college.”)

Long story short, Ginny’s all better. Yay, Ginny. Too bad they didn’t find the cure for Ginny having bat-shit crazy parents. The end.

I can’t wait for this week to be over. See you tomorrow night.

*I am aware that the PCRM is really just PeTA dressed up in lab coats. I normally do not put much stock in anything they have to say. However if I am looking to find out who is doing animal testing, I know these guys will have the goods.

Elyse

Elyse MoFo Anders is the bad ass behind forming the Women Thinking, inc and the superhero who launched the Hug Me! I'm Vaccinated campaign as well as podcaster emeritus, writer, slacktivist extraordinaire, cancer survivor and sometimes runs marathons for charity. You probably think she's awesome so you follow her on twitter.

Related Articles

12 Comments

  1. No homeopathic medicines are vegan, in general. All homeopathic pills use lactose as the “delivery vehicle” (whatever the hell that nonsense means).

    I’d never felt like homeopathic medicines were of much use, but I wasn’t a real critic of them until I found out what Occillococcinum was and how it was made. What it is – duck heart and liver. How it’s made – Boiron (the manufacturer) kills one (1) barbary duck a year and puts its heart and liver into a tube and lets it rot. Then they dilute it such a large amount of times that there’s actually little possibility that any one molecule of rotten duck flesh is actually in the package of product you buy. Nasty. Useless. Fun, eh?

  2. “So what does magic meconium cure? Sprained wrists and decreased sexual desire in men. It works out well since if you’re horny and just ate dung, you’re going to need to have a healthy wrist.”

    Can’t. Stop. Laughing. Choking. On. Coffee.

  3. Supposedly it cures sore nipples. The past couple of weeks I’ve been nursing a teething infant…. But there is no way it’s bad enough to try horse thumbnails.

    For a while, my ungrateful brat son chewed so hard he cut off blood flow to the nipples causing the nerves to go crazy (vasospasm). Considering the pain I was in and the resultant ultra-short temper, I would have killed anybody who proclaimed I would be cured by eating horse hoof. Especially if I was supposed to eat sugar pills that had been sprayed with a super-diluted solution of horse hoof which magically turned it into ULTRA-POWERFUL horse hoof.

    However, sheep grease (lanolin) does help irritated nipples, so you shouldn’t entirely ignore the barnyard :-)

  4. Erica- Yes! Lanolin really is magic! I wouldn’t have survived a very dry winter without it.

    Weirdo- I also read about occillococcinum, but I didn’t want to have to type it, so I left it out. And my point was that they claim to be veg and vegan… but as a vegetarian I find that claim offensive.

  5. You said that you cannot wait for this week to be over, but I recently found this blog site and have to say that this series you are doing is the most entertaining and hilarious thing I have read for a long time. I’m hooked and can’t wait for the next entry!

  6. hey, elyse, great series.
    so, what’s the deal with mint? i’ve had friends and family members who have engaged in this silliness in the past, and they get scared of mint. they say they can’t be allowed to eat or even smell anything minty or it will counteract the homeopathy.
    have you come across this in any of your research?

  7. This was one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time. Simply brilliant.

    Even the “go no further” link you provided for the weak-stomached was awesome–diabetically cute, in fact.

    And I absolutely LOVE that Lewis Black bit.

    I was laughing so hard at work I had to make significat apologies to those in the cubes around me.

    Bravo.

  8. re: mint – According to a quick Google search, mint and other strong-smelling substances such as mint, coffee, perfumes, etc. counteract the effectiveness of homeopathic remedies, even if you are exposed to them up to two weeks before you take the remedy.

    However, I did find this page that says that mint is just fine and the prejudice against it was just a misunderstanding of what Dr. Hahnemann wrote 150 years ago. I feel that this:

    There has never been a scientific study showing peppermint adversely impacting a homeopathic treatment.

    tells us pretty much everything we need to know about homeopathy.

  9. OK, that horse dung / healthy wrist bit completely hit my funny bone. Therefore, I should read more funny things if I’m going to treat it homeopathically.

    So I guess you’re just gonna have to keep writing this stuff. :D

Leave a Reply

Close