(And, no, I don’t mean the Bible.)
Luke McKinney at Cracked.com has a list of five books that can make you stupid. Here’s what he includes, with some brief excerpts from his post. This is so funny, I don’t think I need to add anything. Enjoy!
Reading brings to mind wisdom, the exchange of ideas and quiet contemplation. It does not bring to mind people who need help putting their pants on. These books change all of that.
- 5. Winning Lotto/Lottery for Everyday Players, 3rd edition
- 4. How to Solve Sudoku: A Step-by-Step Guide (52 Brilliant Ideas)
- 3. More Joy … : An Advanced Guide to Solo Sex
- 2. Supercharging Quantum-Touch
- 1. Much Ado About Nothing: The Restored Klingon Text
“This book contains enough compressed stupidity to erase all science as far back as the middle ages.”
“Based on title alone, it’s pretty clear that the author personally infiltrated the invisible floating MENSA fortress and wrestled secret Sudoku strategies out of the cold hands of dead Nobel Prize winner.”
“There are millions of masturbation manuals in the world, but most of them consist of pictures of girls (or guys) and a tactful understanding that the reader will just get on with it. Not many men are confident enough to interrupt another male mid-stroke with a stern cry of ‘You’re doing it wrong!’ let alone offer them instruction.”
“The book jacket is lined with gushing testimonials from those who have been Quantumly touched, about how much supercharging things enhanced their incredibly gullible lives.”
“Since the ‘fictional language’ and ‘classical literature’ markets don’t actually overlap, this book is proof that a small but very profitable core of fans will buy absolutely anything connected to their chosen obsession.”
OK, I’ve got to admit that the last one seems somewhat tempting to me, even though I don’t speak Klingon. I guess I could always learn (if I ever master Lithuanian).
Hat tip to Hemant.
UPDATE: Here’s a drawing from waltdakind, that may scare you away from the Klingon books:
I'm a SciFi geek and a theatre rat. In addition Much Ado is my favorite Shakespearean comedy. I've never seen a better reason to learn Klingon than that book.
I own the Klingon Hamlet.
[insert sound of hanging head in shame]
Actually, it was a very interesting read, even though I only know a couple words of Klingon (and those from watching the movies). It has the Klingon "original" on one side and the English "translation" on the facing page, but it doesn't have all the footnotes explaining the Elizabethan words which most editions of Shakespeare do. I was pleasantly surprised that I could read along and understand without the footnotes!
No shame! I really don't think that reading Klingon will make you dumb. :-)
When I read this post, I clicked on the Amazon link to the "More Joy: An Advanced Guide to Solo Sex".
Amazon's customer driven content displayed the following message: Readers who bought items like this also bought "The Klingon Hamlet by Lawrence Schoen" (in fact 4 out of 5 recommended titles were about Klingon or in Klingon).
My hypothesis: Except in rare instances, learning Klingon will not help you get laid.
A Venn Diagram will follow. :-)
How does learning to solve Sudoku make one stupid? Group theory and linear programming are important life skills, and good for your brain too!
I knew Nick Nicholas (restorer of Much Ado About Nothing and Hamlet) back in the day.
I remember talking with him about Much Ado About Nothing when he was working on the translation some time in the early 90s (probably around '92). I don't speak Klingon myself, but I was oddly compelled by the way he did it, getting the meter and rhyming all correct.
One thing I remember was him racking his brains when he discovered that the Klingons didn't have a word for jealousy. He eventually settled on "I feel acid".
Reading Klingon won't make you dumb. The multiple concussions you sustain rehearsing the betleH combats (thank goodness I looked up the spelling lest angry Klingon fans track me down) during most Shakespeare productions would make you quite stupid (unless of course you got padded fake cranial ridges).
What about people who speak/read Elvish? (that is, Tolkien's Elvish, i.e. Sindarin) I need an updated diagram?
Edited title for #2, which will make #3 obsolete:
Supercharging Quantum-Touch In Your Pants
Dread Polack: I think you mean quenya…