I’m not usually one for attaching electrodes to my spine, but I might be willing to make an exception if I were to be presented with this Real-Life Orgasmatron! Basically, it’s an Altoids-tin-sized box that is implanted in a woman’s body and connected to her nervous system. A remote control allows you to activate the device and create a nearly instantaneous orgasm.
Apparently, this miracle device was discovered accidentally, when researcher Dr. Stuart Meloy was attempting to alleviate back pain in patients and found there was a very pleasant side effect. Can’t you picture it?
DOCTOR MELOY: What are you doing back, I thought you said the device was very effective?
PATIENT: Um, yes, but I hurt my back again.
DOCTOR: You just walked out the door and came right back.
PATIENT: The door was very heavy.
DOCTOR: It’s automated.
PATIENT: What are you doing for dinner tonight?
The really cool thing about this discovery is that there are women out there who have real problems achieving orgasm, so this could have a tremendous improvement in their quality of life.
Of course, the thing will cost a good $12,000 when it’s finally available, and who wants to bet that it’ll be a nightmare to get insurance to cover it? Just about seven years ago I was in college paying full price for birth control pills while my insurance company covered Viagra for men.
One final kudos for the good doctor (as though he needs another): he’s pretty funny.
Before Food and Drug Administration approval could be granted and the device sent to market — Meloy estimates that’s probably still two or three years away — the new design will need to be tested in another study, he says. But there will be no animal testing phase. “I don’t know how to ask animals, ‘Where do you feel the tingling?’ or ‘Do you want a cigarette?’ “
Thanks to Rav Winston for the tip-off!