Who’d want to be such a control freak?
Breaking news! “Study fails to show healing power of prayer!”
Well, I don’t know about all of you, but I sure am glad that we finally got that sorted out. I’ve spent the past twenty years of my life praying for everyone in the entire world to stop dying in horrible ways, so it’s good to know that it’s not just me who’s being ignored.
Patients at six US hospitals failed to show any improvement when being prayed for . . . wait a second . . . hey, despite what all the news headlines say, there was an effect — the patients who were prayed for actually did worse. The hell? Why didn’t THAT make it into the headline? “Study shows God hates us!” I’d bet that would sell more papers, but maybe that’s why I’m not an editor.
So let’s see. According to the news, patients at six US hospitals were either prayed for or completely shielded from all heavenly intervension. Wait, it doesn’t really say here how they protected the control group. Were they all agnostics? Were their friends, family, and community members instructed to not pray for them, NO MATTER WHAT?
Were they allowed to pray for themselves? What if, right before going under the knife, they muttered, “Oh Jesus, please don’t let me die?” Does that count? Or were the researchers just thinking that it was a matter of quantity, not necessarily quality? For instance, one mother could send one heartfelt prayer to God to save the life of her child, but she’d be kicked to the back of the queue behind this research patient who has an entire team of monks chanting his name in Tibet?
Gosh, I’m sorry, I’m just so full of questions tonight! I should really just be happy that now we’ve proven beyond a reasonable doubt that there is no such thing as a sky-daddy, huh? Yep, this study really was needed. After this study in October of 2003 said there’s “‘No health benefit’ from prayer” and this study in July of 2005 decided that “Prayer ‘no aid to heart patients’”, I think we were all left wondering, “Yes, but couldn’t we please test whether or not prayer really works?”
Even if this latest test does prove that prayer doesn’t work to help heal the sick, I think we can all agree that it still helps our favorite NCAA basketball team win March Madness. Go UCLA!
This post’s soundtrack is, apparently, Good News for People who Love Bad News by Modest Mouse. How very livejournal/myspace!